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Portal 2
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Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
2825
Who:
Turret
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 3
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6211
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
699
Who:
Core 2
clickclickclick
Listens:
778
Who:
Defective Turret
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Hey!
Listens:
822
Who:
Turret
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4305
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1117
Who:
Turret
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2490
Who:
GLaDOS
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
399
Who:
Core 2
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2411
Who:
Wheatley
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2383
Who:
Turret
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Standing down.
Listens:
351
Who:
Defective Turret
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1579
Who:
Turret
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2195
Who:
Turret
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2511
Who:
Wheatley
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
990
Who:
Core 1
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3428
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1307
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
28070
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
12794
Who:
Turret
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
70154
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
858
Who:
Announcer
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
471
Who:
Defective Turret
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
What about that camera?
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3788
Who:
Core 2
Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
485
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
10318
Who:
Turret
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Cave Johnson
Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4360
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
578051
Who:
Core 1
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5050
Who:
Announcer
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1951
Who:
Wheatley
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2194
Who:
Announcer
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1204
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1246
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1526
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3536
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1303
Who:
Core 1
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1002
Who:
Defective Turret
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
950
Who:
GLaDOS
There she is...
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1360
Who:
Cave Johnson
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3483
Who:
GLaDOS
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
998
Who:
Core 3
Goodnight
Listens:
5731
Who:
Turret
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Open the door!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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