Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1107
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2057
Who:
Wheatley
At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't give up now.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3328
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3327
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
904
Who:
Core 1
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 2
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1580
Who:
Core 3
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
736
Who:
Defective Turret
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
896
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Who's there?
Listens:
2070
Who:
Turret
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
506
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey lady.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Core 1
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
9313
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1242
Who:
Turret
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21842
Who:
Wheatley
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3490
Who:
Announcer
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
3059
Who:
Announcer
Always cold.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1701
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
692
Who:
Wheatley
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow!
Listens:
1011
Who:
Turret
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2982
Who:
Cave Johnson
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1459
Who:
Core 3
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4162
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1410
Who:
Turret
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
1040
Who:
Wheatley
But just work with me.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15453
Who:
Wheatley
Come back!
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1252
Who:
Wheatley
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4880
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
4163
Who:
Announcer
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1328
Who:
Announcer
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2268
Who:
Wheatley
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Back again!
Listens:
986
Who:
Defective Turret
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4324
Who:
Wheatley
While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1971
Who:
Core 1
There it is.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1352
Who:
Core 2
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20878
Who:
Defective Turret
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Turret
It's not, though.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
This way! This way!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 3
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2528
Who:
Turret
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
649
Who:
Core 1
Template
Listens:
3174
Who:
Announcer
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5914
Who:
Wheatley
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
767
Who:
Core 2
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4059
Who:
Announcer
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1632
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2040
Who:
Core 3
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2676
Who:
Core 3
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1216
Who:
Cave Johnson
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
29010
Who:
Announcer
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
982
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1513
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!