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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
533
Who:
Defective Turret
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3872
Who:
Defective Turret
Until now.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
2024
Who:
Turret
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
This close and that's what you do?
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Sollllve it...
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2750
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1233
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
754
Who:
Core 3
No!
Listens:
1060
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Alright.
Listens:
364
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on through.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Pfff. I guess.
Listens:
470
Who:
Core 2
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3578
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1198
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
618
Who:
Core 1
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
20021
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
846
Who:
Turret
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
445
Who:
Defective Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
860
Who:
Defective Turret
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1548
Who:
GLaDOS
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
No can do.
Listens:
356
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1595
Who:
Announcer
You only failed
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
75928
Who:
GLaDOS
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1899
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
53990
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3545
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2516
Who:
Wheatley
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
544
Who:
Core 2
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1913
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
1038
Who:
Turret
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1544
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4258
Who:
Turret
[humming]
Listens:
1829
Who:
Core 1
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3276
Who:
Core 2
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1023
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
911
Who:
Defective Turret
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1427
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1528
Who:
Announcer
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
882
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2308
Who:
Core 2
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
18378
Who:
Core 1
Unknown error
Listens:
1829
Who:
Turret
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
939
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3226
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1564
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
494
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
975
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
What was that?
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
553
Who:
Core 2
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
211987
Who:
Core 1
clickclickclick
Listens:
823
Who:
Defective Turret
Activated
Listens:
2603
Who:
Turret
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6509
Who:
Core 3
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
766
Who:
Wheatley
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1478
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7385
Who:
Core 1
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
1404
Who:
Turret
Undermines others.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
998
Who:
Core 1
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2373
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
982
Who:
Cave Johnson
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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