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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1228
Who:
GLaDOS
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3292
Who:
Cave Johnson
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2274
Who:
Turret
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4196
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
7011
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
592
Who:
Defective Turret
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2667
Who:
Core 3
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1862
Who:
Cave Johnson
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
1009
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32569
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Chews with mouth open.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
481
Who:
Defective Turret
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
571
Who:
Defective Turret
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
975
Who:
Wheatley
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1561
Who:
Core 1
I'm in space.
Listens:
2530
Who:
Core 1
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 3
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
You asked for this!
Listens:
403
Who:
Defective Turret
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3970
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1518
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2224
Who:
Core 3
Give up? Also the floor. Was the answer that time. Same as before. Still on the floor.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Carry on.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Are you OK?
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
3050
Who:
Announcer
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7437
Who:
Announcer
Alarmist.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6981
Who:
Wheatley
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
726
Who:
Turret
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4994
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1586
Who:
Announcer
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1574
Who:
Core 3
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
819
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2093
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Good!
Listens:
10732
Who:
Announcer
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1355
Who:
Wheatley
These things happen.
Listens:
3471
Who:
Turret
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
24247
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1520
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
1002
Who:
GLaDOS
No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5225
Who:
Core 1
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
462
Who:
Wheatley
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
772
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1985
Who:
Cave Johnson
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2031
Who:
Cave Johnson
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1674
Who:
Core 3
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5643
Who:
Wheatley
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1353
Who:
Turret
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
997
Who:
Core 1
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
978
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2074
Who:
Turret
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19335
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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