Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
762
Who:
Turret
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3463
Who:
Core 1
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1314
Who:
Core 3
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
SPACE!
Listens:
21738
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
651
Who:
Core 3
Hello there!
Listens:
1728
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
1415
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1254
Who:
Core 1
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
773
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I help you?
Listens:
900
Who:
Turret
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2256
Who:
Defective Turret
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6881
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3119
Who:
Core 3
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1807
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1371
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1394
Who:
Announcer
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1128
Who:
Core 3
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2242
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
720
Who:
Core 3
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1686
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1002
Who:
Core 1
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
81145
Who:
Announcer
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1483
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
649
Who:
Defective Turret
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3784
Who:
Core 2
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
901
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Defective Turret
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2308
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1802
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1079
Who:
Defective Turret
AH!
Listens:
4270
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3982
Who:
Wheatley
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
18949
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8418
Who:
Core 1
I am!
Listens:
3133
Who:
Caroline
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
767
Who:
Core 3
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
517
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on in there?
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. Lights on.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
893
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1392
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1307
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
29654
Who:
GLaDOS
Never listens.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3339
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 2
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
13020
Who:
Defective Turret
I see you
Listens:
2938
Who:
Turret
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2376
Who:
Core 3
I don't blame you
Listens:
24471
Who:
Turret
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1338
Who:
Core 3
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2233
Who:
Announcer
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1061
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7485
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1779
Who:
GLaDOS
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
953
Who:
Core 3
Target acquired.
Listens:
9857
Who:
Turret
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1269
Who:
Core 3
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
953
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
2557
Who:
Core 1
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Turret
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
