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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
931
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
990
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1476
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4463
Who:
Core 3
Go on.
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2534
Who:
Wheatley
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1128
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Turret
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
35299
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1920
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2076
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
1408
Who:
Turret
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3618
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
925
Who:
Wheatley
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
So whatever you're doing, keep doing it!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
915
Who:
Announcer
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12380
Who:
Core 1
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8409
Who:
Wheatley
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1636
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
468
Who:
Defective Turret
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1265
Who:
Defective Turret
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1975
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1386
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
999
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3685
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
2543
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't read.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
686
Who:
Defective Turret
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1880
Who:
Core 1
I am!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Caroline
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1098
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Defective Turret
I can only imagine.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Announcer
I blame myself.
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7255
Who:
Defective Turret
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34665
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1062
Who:
GLaDOS
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
860
Who:
Core 3
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2572
Who:
Core 1
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2060
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
811
Who:
Core 3
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1244
Who:
Wheatley
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1552
Who:
GLaDOS
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
441
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4907
Who:
Cave Johnson
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Never on time.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5313
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1453
Who:
Caroline
Um.
Listens:
511
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1602
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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