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But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2293
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
What do you think?
Listens:
1381
Who:
Wheatley
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18560
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2468
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3356
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
5036
Who:
Turret
Let's try this again. Try to make your way across the machinery.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
26800
Who:
Core 2
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1560
Who:
Wheatley
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1723
Who:
Core 3
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
974
Who:
Wheatley
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1245
Who:
Turret
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4313
Who:
Wheatley
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3541
Who:
Wheatley
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
1055
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
515
Who:
Defective Turret
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
856
Who:
Turret
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
421
Who:
Defective Turret
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
1016
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
967
Who:
GLaDOS
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
20070
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
1462
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
759
Who:
Core 3
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1443
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1717
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
471
Who:
Defective Turret
Unknown error
Listens:
1887
Who:
Turret
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
375911
Who:
Core 1
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
22385
Who:
Announcer
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on...
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4008
Who:
Core 1
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3521
Who:
Turret
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
454
Who:
Defective Turret
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4755
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
492
Who:
Defective Turret
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1019
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1603
Who:
Cave Johnson
AH!
Listens:
4265
Who:
Wheatley
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Progress report: Still pretty tricky!
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1114
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3484
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2029
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2093
Who:
Core 2
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
849
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1389
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
526
Who:
Core 2
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 2
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
I lied.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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