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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
484
Who:
Defective Turret
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
No can do.
Listens:
347
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
414
Who:
Defective Turret
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
465
Who:
Core 2
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1603
Who:
Core 3
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
471
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, let's do this.
Listens:
376
Who:
Defective Turret
Open the door!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Core 3
Procrastinator.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4762
Who:
GLaDOS
Here I go!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5741
Who:
GLaDOS
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
529
Who:
Core 2
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7337
Who:
Announcer
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Never shares.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
372
Who:
Defective Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
837
Who:
Defective Turret
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2489
Who:
Core 3
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2190
Who:
Turret
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
23642
Who:
Wheatley
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
667
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1664
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
965
Who:
Core 1
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1493
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, come on!
Listens:
427
Who:
Defective Turret
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2103
Who:
Caroline
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
953
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
866
Who:
Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
577
Who:
Core 3
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6199
Who:
Turret
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
74720
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2525
Who:
Core 1
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
423
Who:
Defective Turret
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7096
Who:
Defective Turret
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
21045
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
52990
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1260
Who:
Core 3
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
969
Who:
Core 1
NOT a team player.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
I just hate Blue a little more.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1036
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
Irritable.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
416
Who:
Defective Turret
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1130
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1314
Who:
Defective Turret
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you get out?
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
510
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2432
Who:
Announcer
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
This is not good.
Listens:
2013
Who:
Turret
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1311
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1003
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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