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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8152
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
You're on your own.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
2575
Who:
Core 1
Hello.
Listens:
2950
Who:
Defective Turret
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
2006
Who:
Wheatley
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
845
Who:
Core 3
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2494
Who:
Caroline
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1419
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1237
Who:
Cave Johnson
Not so fast!
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
584
Who:
Defective Turret
It worked!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
532
Who:
Defective Turret
OW!
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1532
Who:
Announcer
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1247
Who:
GLaDOS
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
30087
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
7029
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
918
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
3154
Who:
Caroline
Yeah! Ha ha ha!
Listens:
421
Who:
Defective Turret
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Stubborn.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
888
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 3
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
998
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
19582
Who:
Core 1
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1863
Who:
Wheatley
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
938
Who:
Announcer
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1385
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1441
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2118
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1242
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
1025
Who:
GLaDOS
Open the door!
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5440
Who:
Announcer
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
1341
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1359
Who:
GLaDOS
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3247
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7617
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Core 1
Wet blanket.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5913
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
1038
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god.
Listens:
2882
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1179
Who:
Core 1
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3760
Who:
Cave Johnson
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2117
Who:
Wheatley
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
807
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
676
Who:
Turret
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
436
Who:
Core 2
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
32168
Who:
Core 2
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6246
Who:
Core 1
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1697
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1644
Who:
Core 3
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1178
Who:
GLaDOS
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46906
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
You KNOW her?
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Not getting better with age!
Listens:
527
Who:
Defective Turret
No variances detected.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1390
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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