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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
2530
Who:
Core 1
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3627
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
901
Who:
Turret
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1533
Who:
Announcer
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3899
Who:
Defective Turret
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3863
Who:
Core 1
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3417
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
722
Who:
Defective Turret
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3538
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1252
Who:
Wheatley
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Histrionic.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Defective Turret
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1897
Who:
GLaDOS
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4948
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8170
Who:
Announcer
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
565
Who:
Defective Turret
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1713
Who:
Cave Johnson
Cheater.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
73193
Who:
GLaDOS
That isn't science.
Listens:
2611
Who:
GLaDOS
Never completes work.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
552
Who:
Core 3
Ahh. What?
Listens:
906
Who:
Wheatley
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5895
Who:
Wheatley
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
920
Who:
Turret
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2058
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Uhoh
Listens:
960
Who:
Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2325
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
But that was worth it.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
389
Who:
Defective Turret
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1152
Who:
Wheatley
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
21199
Who:
Turret
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
2811
Who:
Announcer
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
Are you testing me?
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
575
Who:
Core 3
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
679
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
562
Who:
Defective Turret
AHH!
Listens:
1377
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1358
Who:
Wheatley
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
997
Who:
Core 1
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Lawl
Listens:
89113
Who:
Turret
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6838
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
849
Who:
Core 1
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6040
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
You're better than that.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Like the potato!
Listens:
186556
Who:
Defective Turret
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
35612
Who:
Core 1
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1152
Who:
Turret
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
860
Who:
Turret
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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