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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Hello?
Listens:
10550
Who:
Turret
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38319
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks confidence.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1420
Who:
Core 2
I need backup!
Listens:
716
Who:
Turret
Just go.
Listens:
3590
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright?
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Always sleeping.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1154
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Wheatley
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
But just work with me.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Core 2
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1103
Who:
Wheatley
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
1055
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7252
Who:
Wheatley
Facial grimacing.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
475
Who:
Core 2
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
What about that camera?
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
951
Who:
Wheatley
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
Look!
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Let's try this again. Try to make your way across the machinery.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
898
Who:
Defective Turret
No!
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1647
Who:
Cave Johnson
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1688
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1344
Who:
Core 1
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
3164
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4753
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
573
Who:
Core 2
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3869
Who:
Core 1
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4426
Who:
Announcer
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19402
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
592
Who:
Defective Turret
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1063
Who:
Wheatley
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2055
Who:
Defective Turret
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
125995
Who:
Cave Johnson
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Stay back.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
751
Who:
Turret
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2602
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1808
Who:
Core 3
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
709
Who:
Core 3
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2203
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1110
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1634
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2987
Who:
Turret
I am!
Listens:
3116
Who:
Caroline
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
512
Who:
Core 2
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1029
Who:
Core 1
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
7064
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1516
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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