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Portal 2
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Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
993
Who:
Wheatley
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
3946
Who:
Announcer
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2480
Who:
Announcer
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7991
Who:
Cave Johnson
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
1024
Who:
Turret
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
388
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3509
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 1
Firing
Listens:
688
Who:
Turret
Finish it...
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
420
Who:
Core 2
Lactose intolerant.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4650
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
729
Who:
Turret
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
951
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
777
Who:
Core 3
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
831
Who:
GLaDOS
I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2486
Who:
Cave Johnson
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1410
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Announcer
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
26419
Who:
Caroline
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
473
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1689
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1921
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2085
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1010
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
474
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
605
Who:
Core 1
Hey!
Listens:
827
Who:
Turret
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
18186
Who:
Caroline
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
970
Who:
Core 1
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2409
Who:
Defective Turret
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1807
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
834
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6562
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2562
Who:
Turret
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
857
Who:
Announcer
Well, I tried.
Listens:
770
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3308
Who:
Defective Turret
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2848
Who:
Announcer
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
Stubborn.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
890
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3016
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4865
Who:
Announcer
Don't press the button!
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1516
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you alright?
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
34100
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
It worked!
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1996
Who:
Core 3
That's not funny.
Listens:
1741
Who:
GLaDOS
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8288
Who:
Core 1
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1247
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
496
Who:
Core 2
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1238
Who:
Wheatley
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