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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 3
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1699
Who:
Wheatley
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent work.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
836
Who:
Core 3
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
601
Who:
Defective Turret
Uh oh.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
921
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1371
Who:
Caroline
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1336
Who:
Core 3
Go on.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4298
Who:
Core 2
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
106764
Who:
Wheatley
Irritable.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it!
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4080
Who:
Announcer
You did it!
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6876
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
809
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
7129
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4592
Who:
Announcer
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3683
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1331
Who:
GLaDOS
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2372
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
805
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1772
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2528
Who:
Turret
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
5487
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
762
Who:
Wheatley
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go in!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1739
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
923
Who:
Wheatley
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
989
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1664
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2060
Who:
Cave Johnson
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1995
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1398
Who:
Wheatley
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1717
Who:
Defective Turret
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6466
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1717
Who:
GLaDOS
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
5725
Who:
Turret
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1377
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Defective Turret
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1177
Who:
GLaDOS
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2546
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5197
Who:
Announcer
I'm trouble.
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! How's it going? Here I am again!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
990
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1614
Who:
Core 1
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
3206
Who:
Announcer
Riggght now.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
806
Who:
Core 3
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
She is a gem.
Listens:
3087
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh.
Listens:
566
Who:
Defective Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Announcer
Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 3
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 2
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6985
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Wheatley
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Whee!
Listens:
2262
Who:
Turret
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1999
Who:
GLaDOS
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Run!
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1389
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6495
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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