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Portal 2
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The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
19371
Who:
Cave Johnson
There it is.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1101
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
1018
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1803
Who:
Caroline
Yeah.
Listens:
400
Who:
Defective Turret
For safety.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
10082
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3524
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20987
Who:
Defective Turret
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
576
Who:
Defective Turret
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay!
Listens:
432
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1146
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
928
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
974
Who:
Turret
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
734
Who:
Core 1
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1967
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3846
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1514
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1080
Who:
Cave Johnson
But just work with me.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1298
Who:
Announcer
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
731
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
830
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1380
Who:
Defective Turret
What do you have there?
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
five
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4301
Who:
Core 2
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8109
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
1023
Who:
Core 2
Ow!
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3565
Who:
GLaDOS
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go in!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1314
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
29743
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1133
Who:
Announcer
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Core 1
Here I go!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3775
Who:
GLaDOS
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
581
Who:
Defective Turret
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18139
Who:
Core 3
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
763
Who:
Defective Turret
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh]
Listens:
41447
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah, what?
Listens:
459
Who:
Defective Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4359
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
9904
Who:
Turret
Wet blanket.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
764
Who:
Wheatley
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
This place is huge.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
953
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
What are you...
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1225
Who:
Core 3
What are you doing?
Listens:
1081
Who:
Turret
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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