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Portal 2
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Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2738
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1166
Who:
Wheatley
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3754
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
805
Who:
Defective Turret
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3984
Who:
Core 2
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
1006
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3483
Who:
Turret
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1408
Who:
Wheatley
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Ugh!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing great!
Listens:
451
Who:
Core 2
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 1
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
649
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh]
Listens:
41162
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
767
Who:
Core 3
Okay!
Listens:
427
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
410
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1478
Who:
Caroline
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1688
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
1454
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3327
Who:
Turret
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3999
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6148
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
I can only imagine.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2550
Who:
Cave Johnson
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
945
Who:
Core 3
Well played.
Listens:
462
Who:
Defective Turret
Whee!
Listens:
2255
Who:
Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
We are?
Listens:
693
Who:
Core 1
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
Insecure.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10986
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 3
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1653
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3627
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2067
Who:
Announcer
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2909
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 2
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
642
Who:
Core 3
Template
Listens:
3171
Who:
Announcer
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Core 3
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
What do you have there?
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
683
Who:
Core 1
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
896
Who:
Wheatley
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Stubborn.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press the button!
Listens:
772
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
757
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there?
Listens:
58310
Who:
Turret
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
711
Who:
Core 3
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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