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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Take me with you...
Listens:
1217
Who:
Turret
That isn't science.
Listens:
2581
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1366
Who:
Core 2
I don't hate you
Listens:
12906
Who:
Turret
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
990
Who:
Core 1
NO.
Listens:
2022
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
940
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think the electrical switch was down there?
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
982
Who:
Core 3
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
53439
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Core 3
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
377
Who:
Defective Turret
Always sleeping.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
211987
Who:
Core 1
[Laughter]
Listens:
5785
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1303
Who:
Core 2
Oh.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Briefly.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1404
Who:
Caroline
That's horrible.
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not do it!
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
1241
Who:
Turret
NO!
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5401
Who:
GLaDOS
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2033
Who:
Turret
NO!
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
What'd I hit?
Listens:
373
Who:
Defective Turret
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1118
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye Caroline!
Listens:
25096
Who:
Caroline
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
These things happen.
Listens:
3436
Who:
Turret
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1060
Who:
GLaDOS
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
171931
Who:
Wheatley
It's not, though.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Irritable.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Announcer
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1152
Who:
Wheatley
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1943
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
981
Who:
Core 3
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6252
Who:
GLaDOS
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
798
Who:
Defective Turret
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1895
Who:
Core 1
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6192
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1591
Who:
GLaDOS
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
21528
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1926
Who:
Core 1
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Charmless.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3382
Who:
Core 1
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1139
Who:
Turret
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
888
Who:
Announcer
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5489
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4068
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9716
Who:
Wheatley
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1748
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2546
Who:
Wheatley
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
For safety.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
She was provoking you.
Listens:
818
Who:
Turret
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
3098
Who:
Core 1
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
717
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
862
Who:
Core 1
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2275
Who:
Defective Turret
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Has irritating opinions.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2919
Who:
Core 3
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2314
Who:
Wheatley
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
372048
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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