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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
19925
Who:
Turret
Go on!
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Always cold.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3205
Who:
Wheatley
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
753
Who:
Turret
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
Ignores directions.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you have there?
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
362
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
695
Who:
Wheatley
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3311
Who:
Announcer
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1444
Who:
Wheatley
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Arsonist.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
12597
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
963
Who:
Core 1
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9215
Who:
Cave Johnson
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Defective Turret
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Can you get out?
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4046
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7378
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2803
Who:
Turret
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
256
Who:
Wheatley
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
SPACE!
Listens:
20377
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9110
Who:
Caroline
No sense of humor.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1776
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1038
Who:
Core 1
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1344
Who:
Caroline
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
This way! This way!
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2077
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6351
Who:
Core 3
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1840
Who:
Cave Johnson
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1829
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
184787
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
52339
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
494
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Core 3
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
795
Who:
Wheatley
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2821
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Defective Turret
Was that necessary?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1732
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
508
Who:
Core 3
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
430
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
728
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you OK?
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2922
Who:
Core 1
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1296
Who:
Core 3
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
642806
Who:
Cave Johnson
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1995
Who:
Announcer
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2570
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1323
Who:
Turret
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
6761
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
12384
Who:
Turret
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
474
Who:
Wheatley
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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