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Hello?
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1325
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to jump across.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1246
Who:
Core 3
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2497
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
986
Who:
Core 1
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1196
Who:
Announcer
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5757
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on -
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2457
Who:
Turret
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3391
Who:
Turret
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1000
Who:
Wheatley
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
909
Who:
Core 3
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
There you are, reassembled again.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
Deploying
Listens:
2958
Who:
Turret
Ahh!
Listens:
1377
Who:
Turret
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5359
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2403
Who:
Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1325
Who:
Wheatley
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7956
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
883
Who:
Turret
Go on!
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
21157
Who:
Announcer
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1391
Who:
GLaDOS
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2916
Who:
Announcer
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1086
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5054
Who:
Announcer
GET IN!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1851
Who:
Core 1
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1229
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
6127
Who:
Defective Turret
Awwww
Listens:
3011
Who:
Turret
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
123024
Who:
Cave Johnson
Allright, what have we got?
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
18672
Who:
Cave Johnson
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
484
Who:
Defective Turret
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7520
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not do it!
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1674
Who:
Wheatley
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1583
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Friend.
Listens:
27916
Who:
Turret
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is huge.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1004
Who:
Cave Johnson
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Histrionic.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Core 3
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6358
Who:
Announcer
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
977
Who:
Core 1
I'm in space.
Listens:
2431
Who:
Core 1
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
644
Who:
Defective Turret
Until now.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
517
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3715
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
984
Who:
Cave Johnson
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2558
Who:
Wheatley
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1341
Who:
Defective Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
2399
Who:
Wheatley
NOT a team player.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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