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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
5633
Who:
Turret
Hooray!
Listens:
5072
Who:
Turret
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
392
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Core 1
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
27073
Who:
Caroline
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1398
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25562
Who:
Core 1
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Lawl
Listens:
89246
Who:
Turret
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
910
Who:
GLaDOS
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
478
Who:
Defective Turret
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
662
Who:
Core 3
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
46526
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1904
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
20825
Who:
Announcer
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
519
Who:
Core 2
Oh dear.
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1259
Who:
Wheatley
What was that?
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1169
Who:
Turret
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2369
Who:
Announcer
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2068
Who:
Announcer
This isn't fair!
Listens:
679
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
1405
Who:
Defective Turret
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6581
Who:
Core 3
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
523
Who:
Core 2
Anxious.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2487
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
Always sulking.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8000
Who:
GLaDOS
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1447
Who:
Announcer
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8993
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2734
Who:
Defective Turret
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1026
Who:
Core 1
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 2
Do not press that button!
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
19302
Who:
Cave Johnson
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1340
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1630
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3394
Who:
Turret
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1583
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
1020
Who:
Core 1
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2228
Who:
Core 3
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you bested me this time.
Listens:
405
Who:
Defective Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2268
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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