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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2113
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
33956
Who:
Core 1
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Listens:
237
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Wheatley
See you soon!
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
You did WHAT?
Listens:
2922
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
759
Who:
Core 1
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3229
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
82675
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
923
Who:
Core 1
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2524
Who:
Wheatley
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
235
Who:
GLaDOS
Surprise.
Listens:
5687
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
2713
Who:
Core 1
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
479
Who:
Defective Turret
Crap.
Listens:
2303
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Ow!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1465
Who:
Core 3
I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
833
Who:
Wheatley
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1696
Who:
Core 3
Blue receives
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop it!
Listens:
5016
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1896
Who:
Wheatley
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5315
Who:
Core 1
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1335
Who:
Core 1
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 3
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
337
Who:
Defective Turret
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6238
Who:
Core 3
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1800
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
892
Who:
Cave Johnson
three
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2351
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
2628
Who:
Defective Turret
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
980
Who:
Defective Turret
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1692
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3513
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
342
Who:
Defective Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
654
Who:
Core 3
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3598
Who:
Announcer
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
996
Who:
Wheatley
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1828
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
That's the spirit!
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3574
Who:
Defective Turret
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
549
Who:
Wheatley
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
904
Who:
Wheatley
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5551
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
603
Who:
Turret
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1910
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5472
Who:
Core 3
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2684
Who:
Wheatley
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
500
Who:
Core 2
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
238
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
43000
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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