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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
11495
Who:
Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
1223
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4374
Who:
Announcer
Go on.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2377
Who:
Turret
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
71302
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
977
Who:
Core 1
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2121
Who:
Announcer
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
17811
Who:
Core 1
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10368
Who:
GLaDOS
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
908
Who:
Defective Turret
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
She did all the work.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
232
Who:
GLaDOS
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1738
Who:
Core 1
I need backup!
Listens:
620
Who:
Turret
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9074
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6617
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
233
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14397
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
650
Who:
Core 3
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Please go to space.
Listens:
921
Who:
Core 1
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1895
Who:
Wheatley
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1266
Who:
Turret
See that?
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
795
Who:
Defective Turret
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
232
Who:
Wheatley
Aggggh!
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
970
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10039
Who:
Cave Johnson
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
29139
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what?
Listens:
1959
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1212
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1137
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
240
Who:
Wheatley
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1236
Who:
Core 2
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Run!
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
398
Who:
Defective Turret
There you are, reassembled again.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1318
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
642
Who:
Core 3
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1076
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
871
Who:
Wheatley
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1387
Who:
Announcer
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
805
Who:
Announcer
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
26157
Who:
GLaDOS
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
232
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3051
Who:
GLaDOS
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1807
Who:
Cave Johnson
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1553
Who:
GLaDOS
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
4587
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
469
Who:
Defective Turret
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
And...?
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Sollllve it...
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
826
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
979
Who:
GLaDOS
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1022
Who:
Wheatley
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
238
Who:
Wheatley
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1006
Who:
GLaDOS
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1222
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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