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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1204
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4850
Who:
Turret
Stay still, please.
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1417
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 1
What was that?
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Owwww!
Listens:
921
Who:
Turret
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
Miss you!
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1027
Who:
Defective Turret
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7566
Who:
Turret
[Laughter]
Listens:
5757
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronically late.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3836
Who:
Defective Turret
No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
641
Who:
Core 2
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1021
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
640
Who:
Core 3
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1200
Who:
GLaDOS
Please go to space.
Listens:
975
Who:
Core 1
Ow!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
469
Who:
Core 2
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4869
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is trouble.
Listens:
871
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
531
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
520
Who:
Defective Turret
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1283
Who:
Core 1
Ow!
Listens:
976
Who:
Turret
Martyr.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
1391
Who:
Turret
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
26318
Who:
GLaDOS
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
972
Who:
Wheatley
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2389
Who:
Caroline
Always sleeping.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
19224
Who:
GLaDOS
Dull expression.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
966
Who:
Wheatley
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
2024
Who:
Defective Turret
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1418
Who:
GLaDOS
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5631
Who:
Core 2
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 1
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2248
Who:
Wheatley
Never flushes.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 3
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1220
Who:
Core 3
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1064
Who:
Core 1
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
79057
Who:
Announcer
It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1844
Who:
GLaDOS
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
373
Who:
Defective Turret
Until now.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
784
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1824
Who:
Announcer
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2112
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4228
Who:
Core 2
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1171
Who:
GLaDOS
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6821
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
817
Who:
Turret
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1284
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Come on!
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
27043
Who:
Announcer
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Is that camera is hooked into the lock?
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
993
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1206
Who:
Wheatley
Enh!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
What'd I hit?
Listens:
366
Who:
Defective Turret
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2338
Who:
Announcer
Nonononononono!
Listens:
71920
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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