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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6985
Who:
Wheatley
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15562
Who:
Wheatley
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
916
Who:
Announcer
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
718
Who:
Core 3
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4401
Who:
Turret
Thank you!
Listens:
4780
Who:
Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2353
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1174
Who:
Turret
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3554
Who:
GLaDOS
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3733
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
969
Who:
Turret
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2141
Who:
Core 1
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1076
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blah.
Listens:
1995
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my.
Listens:
690
Who:
Turret
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Defective Turret
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2482
Who:
Core 1
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1469
Who:
Core 3
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18560
Who:
GLaDOS
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2965
Who:
Core 3
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1769
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1540
Who:
Wheatley
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
1043
Who:
GLaDOS
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Listens:
1800
Who:
Cave Johnson
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
6062
Who:
Cave Johnson
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7918
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20938
Who:
Defective Turret
You asked for this!
Listens:
410
Who:
Defective Turret
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
854
Who:
Core 1
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
935
Who:
Announcer
Cheater.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
866
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
773
Who:
Core 2
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
528
Who:
Defective Turret
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1448
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1822
Who:
Cave Johnson
What's going on?
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3433
Who:
Defective Turret
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
486
Who:
Defective Turret
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4755
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1084
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1401
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
909
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
444
Who:
Core 2
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1370
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
772
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1353
Who:
Turret
Hurry!
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
9104
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2088
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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