Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Yeah! Ha ha ha!
Listens:
348
Who:
Defective Turret
You won't regret this!
Listens:
654
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
1032
Who:
Core 1
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3769
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8247
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Paradoxes.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
What about that camera?
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1222
Who:
Turret
I'm trouble.
Listens:
350
Who:
Defective Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
871
Who:
Announcer
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1419
Who:
Cave Johnson
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3812
Who:
Announcer
AH!
Listens:
670
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1306
Who:
Wheatley
New template accepted.
Listens:
1369
Who:
Announcer
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
1871
Who:
Wheatley
And...?
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1046
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4845
Who:
Announcer
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, plug me in!
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1250
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
399
Who:
Core 2
Dang.
Listens:
602
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1059
Who:
Core 1
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1907
Who:
Announcer
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
517
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9617
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
986
Who:
Core 1
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1677
Who:
Wheatley
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
884
Who:
Wheatley
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Do it!
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3304
Who:
Defective Turret
Let go of me!
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, let me get that for you.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1268
Who:
Announcer
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6230
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
MOVE.
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1187
Who:
Wheatley
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16844
Who:
Core 2
Template
Listens:
2951
Who:
Announcer
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
423
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
For safety.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
19740
Who:
Wheatley
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
149588
Who:
Cave Johnson
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7334
Who:
Announcer
Thank you!
Listens:
4557
Who:
Turret
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Announcer
Fantastic.
Listens:
835
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5765
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
1377
Who:
Turret
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1454
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1173
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1559
Who:
Wheatley
Go on!
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3010
Who:
Core 3
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
852
Who:
Core 1
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
2688
Who:
Wheatley
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2108
Who:
Wheatley
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Moves lips while reading.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2177
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
372
Who:
Defective Turret
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
491
Who:
Defective Turret
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
