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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5203
Who:
Announcer
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
22174
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on?
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2478
Who:
Wheatley
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1543
Who:
Core 2
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1141
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
NOT a team player.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1437
Who:
Defective Turret
That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1664
Who:
Wheatley
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1430
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
875
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
700
Who:
Core 3
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
919
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
1760
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
767
Who:
Turret
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
44222
Who:
GLaDOS
Please go to space.
Listens:
926
Who:
Core 1
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
916
Who:
Defective Turret
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2315
Who:
GLaDOS
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2307
Who:
GLaDOS
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5442
Who:
Core 3
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
470
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
919
Who:
Core 3
Good!
Listens:
10016
Who:
Announcer
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
692
Who:
Core 3
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Wheatley
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
We have to get you out of there!
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, what?
Listens:
361
Who:
Defective Turret
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1268
Who:
Wheatley
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1120
Who:
Announcer
I’m scared!
Listens:
804
Who:
Turret
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
412
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
990
Who:
GLaDOS
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1493
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
853
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
920
Who:
Core 1
Good shot!
Listens:
670
Who:
Turret
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1356
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
761
Who:
Turret
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
Um, hello?
Listens:
1256
Who:
Turret
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
340
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2519
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
932
Who:
Core 1
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1228
Who:
Core 1
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1683
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press the button!
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3220
Who:
Cave Johnson
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
240
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2677
Who:
Wheatley
The end.
Listens:
1496
Who:
GLaDOS
Come back!
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16528
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
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