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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Space? SPACE!
Listens:
24162
Who:
Core 1
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4004
Who:
Core 1
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
No hard fealings
Listens:
1086
Who:
Turret
[yelling]
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
Emotional problems.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Wheatley
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1611
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1699
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1267
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5149
Who:
Announcer
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 2
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1095
Who:
Wheatley
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2247
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5320
Who:
Announcer
You're better than that.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Announcer
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4695
Who:
Announcer
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
3061
Who:
Announcer
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
7027
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2248
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
609
Who:
Defective Turret
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Procrastinator.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir!
Listens:
3955
Who:
Caroline
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
1017
Who:
Defective Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7240
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3345
Who:
Cave Johnson
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Core 3
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Come on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
519
Who:
Core 2
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Announcer
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
How was that?
Listens:
379
Who:
Defective Turret
science collaboration points.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3206
Who:
Wheatley
Put me down!
Listens:
979
Who:
Turret
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1910
Who:
Core 3
Illegal operation
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Core 3
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3912
Who:
Defective Turret
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3816
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
937
Who:
Wheatley
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
479
Who:
Core 2
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not do it!
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3984
Who:
Core 2
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5820
Who:
Announcer
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 3
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1282
Who:
Announcer
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
765
Who:
Core 3
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 2
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3437
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
37985
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3753
Who:
Announcer
That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
965
Who:
Announcer
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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