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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Shutting down
Listens:
14030
Who:
Turret
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
There she is...
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
904
Who:
Wheatley
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4359
Who:
GLaDOS
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
576
Who:
Defective Turret
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1653
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
3090
Who:
Announcer
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
770
Who:
Wheatley
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Core 3
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1891
Who:
Core 1
Do it!
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3746
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2531
Who:
Turret
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2479
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2013
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
13183
Who:
Turret
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
660
Who:
Defective Turret
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
975
Who:
Announcer
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
894
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9087
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 3
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1906
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5505
Who:
Core 2
She is a gem.
Listens:
3101
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
22660
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1670
Who:
Announcer
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3600
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1618
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2377
Who:
Core 3
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6952
Who:
Defective Turret
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1436
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
1009
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
576
Who:
Defective Turret
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1465
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1231
Who:
Cave Johnson
Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1326
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
396
Who:
Defective Turret
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4777
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
29743
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
732
Who:
Core 3
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
547
Who:
Wheatley
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38599
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
950
Who:
Announcer
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
463022
Who:
Core 1
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't read.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
401
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7616
Who:
Announcer
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue receives
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Stubborn.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
3054
Who:
Announcer
These things happen.
Listens:
3489
Who:
Turret
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good luck!
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5846
Who:
GLaDOS
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir!
Listens:
3991
Who:
Caroline
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1781
Who:
Wheatley
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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