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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
47899
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15677
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9919
Who:
Cave Johnson
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Core 3
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1055
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5315
Who:
Announcer
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1056
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3939
Who:
Announcer
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1698
Who:
GLaDOS
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
866
Who:
Defective Turret
We have to get you out of that room!
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
I can't hold on! Come on!
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
What'd I hit?
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2966
Who:
Turret
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3980
Who:
Wheatley
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2943
Who:
Wheatley
Busybody.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8988
Who:
Core 3
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
29923
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1347
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
980
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1096
Who:
Wheatley
Gah!
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
38980
Who:
Wheatley
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
35642
Who:
Core 1
Oh!
Listens:
1347
Who:
Turret
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3751
Who:
Announcer
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
751
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Defective Turret
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2054
Who:
Defective Turret
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6220
Who:
Core 1
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2216
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2247
Who:
Defective Turret
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
689
Who:
GLaDOS
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
901
Who:
Turret
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2081
Who:
Core 2
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1621
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
4256
Who:
Turret
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
937
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1400
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2347
Who:
Wheatley
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
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