Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3427
Who:
GLaDOS
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3424
Who:
Wheatley
These things happen.
Listens:
3418
Who:
Turret
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3400
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3381
Who:
Turret
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3369
Who:
Turret
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3353
Who:
Core 1
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3342
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3321
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3301
Who:
Defective Turret
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3292
Who:
Announcer
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3291
Who:
Turret
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3288
Who:
GLaDOS
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3268
Who:
Core 1
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3261
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3252
Who:
GLaDOS
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3244
Who:
Turret
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3229
Who:
Core 2
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3223
Who:
Wheatley
Nap time
Listens:
3219
Who:
Turret
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3202
Who:
Announcer
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3173
Who:
Defective Turret
Goodbye!
Listens:
3165
Who:
Turret
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3161
Who:
Cave Johnson
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3157
Who:
Wheatley
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3150
Who:
Cave Johnson
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3122
Who:
Wheatley
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
3112
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3102
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
3073
Who:
Core 1
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
3053
Who:
Core 3
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3052
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3048
Who:
Caroline
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3041
Who:
Core 1
Awwww
Listens:
3008
Who:
Turret
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3007
Who:
Core 3
I am!
Listens:
2998
Who:
Caroline
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2969
Who:
Core 1
Deploying
Listens:
2955
Who:
Turret
Template
Listens:
2943
Who:
Announcer
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2918
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2912
Who:
Announcer
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2911
Who:
Announcer
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2903
Who:
Turret
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2898
Who:
Core 3
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2897
Who:
Core 3
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
2884
Who:
Announcer
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2876
Who:
Cave Johnson
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2871
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2871
Who:
Turret
Good!
Listens:
2867
Who:
Announcer
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2862
Who:
Wheatley
She is a gem.
Listens:
2853
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space!
Listens:
2840
Who:
Core 1
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2831
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
2830
Who:
Defective Turret
I see you
Listens:
2824
Who:
Turret
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2817
Who:
Announcer
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2807
Who:
Wheatley
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2800
Who:
Announcer
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2796
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry
Listens:
2795
Who:
Turret
Why...
Listens:
2781
Who:
Turret
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2774
Who:
Wheatley
It burns.
Listens:
2753
Who:
Turret
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2707
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
2700
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2700
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2698
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2684
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
2684
Who:
Wheatley
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2683
Who:
Core 1
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2681
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god.
Listens:
2677
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2671
Who:
Core 1
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2648
Who:
Defective Turret
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2645
Who:
Cave Johnson
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2585
Who:
Announcer
Activated
Listens:
2581
Who:
Turret
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2577
Who:
Core 3
That isn't science.
Listens:
2557
Who:
GLaDOS
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2555
Who:
Turret
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2553
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2525
Who:
Core 1
Hello?
Listens:
2513
Who:
Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2512
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2512
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2510
Who:
Announcer
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2510
Who:
Wheatley
Crap.
Listens:
2495
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2494
Who:
Wheatley
We're in space!
Listens:
2492
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2491
Who:
Core 3
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2485
Who:
GLaDOS
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2485
Who:
GLaDOS
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2481
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2469
Who:
Announcer
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2466
Who:
Cave Johnson
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2465
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2455
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
