Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3519
Who:
GLaDOS
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3513
Who:
GLaDOS
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3495
Who:
Wheatley
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3481
Who:
Turret
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3478
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3459
Who:
Turret
These things happen.
Listens:
3459
Who:
Turret
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3434
Who:
Announcer
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3434
Who:
GLaDOS
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
3431
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3418
Who:
Core 1
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3414
Who:
GLaDOS
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3386
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3379
Who:
Defective Turret
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3370
Who:
Turret
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3350
Who:
Core 1
Nap time
Listens:
3342
Who:
Turret
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3318
Who:
Core 2
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3314
Who:
Turret
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3311
Who:
Announcer
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3307
Who:
Wheatley
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3303
Who:
Wheatley
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3288
Who:
Wheatley
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3286
Who:
Cave Johnson
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3268
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3267
Who:
Defective Turret
Goodbye!
Listens:
3240
Who:
Turret
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3189
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3175
Who:
Wheatley
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3134
Who:
Cave Johnson
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
3122
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
3117
Who:
Core 1
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3111
Who:
Core 1
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3106
Who:
Caroline
Template
Listens:
3105
Who:
Announcer
I am!
Listens:
3098
Who:
Caroline
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3087
Who:
Core 3
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
3086
Who:
Announcer
Awwww
Listens:
3072
Who:
Turret
Deploying
Listens:
3036
Who:
Turret
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
3032
Who:
Announcer
Good!
Listens:
3025
Who:
Announcer
She is a gem.
Listens:
3017
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
3012
Who:
GLaDOS
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
3003
Who:
Core 1
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
3001
Who:
Announcer
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2997
Who:
Announcer
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2983
Who:
Core 3
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2974
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2968
Who:
Turret
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2958
Who:
Cave Johnson
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2950
Who:
Wheatley
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2940
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
2938
Who:
Turret
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2934
Who:
Wheatley
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2930
Who:
Announcer
I see you
Listens:
2904
Who:
Turret
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2899
Who:
Wheatley
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2896
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
2896
Who:
Defective Turret
Space!
Listens:
2876
Who:
Core 1
Sorry
Listens:
2839
Who:
Turret
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2832
Who:
Wheatley
It burns.
Listens:
2830
Who:
Turret
Why...
Listens:
2822
Who:
Turret
Oh my god.
Listens:
2817
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2792
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2792
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
2778
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
2765
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2761
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2743
Who:
Wheatley
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2742
Who:
Core 1
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2739
Who:
GLaDOS
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2737
Who:
Cave Johnson
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2736
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2726
Who:
Core 1
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2714
Who:
Defective Turret
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2711
Who:
Announcer
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2648
Who:
Core 3
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2633
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2630
Who:
Announcer
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2629
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2624
Who:
Turret
Activated
Listens:
2623
Who:
Turret
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2613
Who:
Announcer
That isn't science.
Listens:
2604
Who:
GLaDOS
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2595
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2585
Who:
Wheatley
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2584
Who:
Wheatley
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2581
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2572
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2572
Who:
Core 1
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2572
Who:
GLaDOS
We're in space!
Listens:
2565
Who:
Wheatley
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2554
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2549
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
2545
Who:
Turret
Crap.
Listens:
2543
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2538
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
