Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3212
Who:
GLaDOS
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3205
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3192
Who:
Announcer
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3158
Who:
Core 1
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3125
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3114
Who:
GLaDOS
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3107
Who:
Core 2
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3087
Who:
Turret
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3081
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3076
Who:
Turret
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3075
Who:
Announcer
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3067
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3065
Who:
Turret
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3053
Who:
Announcer
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3051
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3047
Who:
Defective Turret
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3035
Who:
Wheatley
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3034
Who:
Wheatley
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3027
Who:
Announcer
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3000
Who:
Cave Johnson
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
2976
Who:
Turret
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
2964
Who:
Cave Johnson
Nap time
Listens:
2963
Who:
Turret
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
2958
Who:
Core 1
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
2954
Who:
Defective Turret
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
2939
Who:
Core 3
Goodbye!
Listens:
2936
Who:
Turret
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
2924
Who:
Core 1
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
2907
Who:
Wheatley
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
2901
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
2896
Who:
Caroline
You did WHAT?
Listens:
2872
Who:
Wheatley
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
2870
Who:
Core 3
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2856
Who:
Core 1
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
2839
Who:
GLaDOS
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2797
Who:
GLaDOS
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2781
Who:
Core 3
Deploying
Listens:
2768
Who:
Turret
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2761
Who:
Core 3
I am!
Listens:
2754
Who:
Caroline
Awwww
Listens:
2749
Who:
Turret
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2745
Who:
Announcer
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2715
Who:
Wheatley
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2699
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2692
Who:
Announcer
Space!
Listens:
2689
Who:
Core 1
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2673
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2655
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2652
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2651
Who:
Turret
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2644
Who:
Wheatley
I see you
Listens:
2639
Who:
Turret
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2639
Who:
Turret
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2633
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry
Listens:
2626
Who:
Turret
Template
Listens:
2614
Who:
Announcer
Good!
Listens:
2613
Who:
Announcer
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2596
Who:
Announcer
Hello.
Listens:
2581
Who:
Defective Turret
Why...
Listens:
2569
Who:
Turret
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2563
Who:
Announcer
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2558
Who:
Core 1
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2556
Who:
GLaDOS
It burns.
Listens:
2549
Who:
Turret
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2528
Who:
Core 1
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2502
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2496
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2493
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god.
Listens:
2489
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2461
Who:
Defective Turret
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2456
Who:
Cave Johnson
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2449
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2443
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
2438
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2435
Who:
Core 1
She is a gem.
Listens:
2427
Who:
Cave Johnson
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2423
Who:
Core 3
That isn't science.
Listens:
2418
Who:
GLaDOS
Activated
Listens:
2418
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2405
Who:
Core 3
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2383
Who:
Wheatley
Response
Listens:
2379
Who:
Announcer
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2377
Who:
Announcer
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2377
Who:
Turret
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2353
Who:
Cave Johnson
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2353
Who:
Core 3
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2344
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2339
Who:
Turret
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2337
Who:
GLaDOS
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2337
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2328
Who:
Wheatley
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2326
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2322
Who:
Announcer
We're in space!
Listens:
2311
Who:
Wheatley
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2302
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2290
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2288
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
2288
Who:
Wheatley
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2287
Who:
Core 1
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2286
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
