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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2094
Who:
Defective Turret
There you are
Listens:
2094
Who:
Turret
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2086
Who:
Core 3
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
2082
Who:
Cave Johnson
Noooooo!
Listens:
2074
Who:
Turret
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
2072
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2068
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
2060
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
2050
Who:
Core 3
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2043
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
2033
Who:
Wheatley
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
2031
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
2029
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
2026
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
2024
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
2021
Who:
GLaDOS
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
2017
Who:
Cave Johnson
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
2015
Who:
Cave Johnson
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
2015
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
2013
Who:
GLaDOS
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
2011
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
2011
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
2008
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1996
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1995
Who:
Core 2
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1993
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1991
Who:
Core 1
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1973
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1972
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1969
Who:
Caroline
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1969
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1965
Who:
Announcer
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1953
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1953
Who:
GLaDOS
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1949
Who:
Wheatley
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1946
Who:
Announcer
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1940
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1939
Who:
Core 3
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1938
Who:
Core 1
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1937
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
1932
Who:
Core 1
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1920
Who:
Cave Johnson
Unknown error
Listens:
1913
Who:
Turret
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1905
Who:
Core 1
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1904
Who:
Wheatley
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1903
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1901
Who:
Core 1
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1898
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1893
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Core 3
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1886
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1886
Who:
GLaDOS
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1884
Who:
Cave Johnson
That's not funny.
Listens:
1884
Who:
GLaDOS
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1878
Who:
Cave Johnson
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1877
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1874
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1872
Who:
Wheatley
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1860
Who:
Core 3
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Listens:
1855
Who:
Cave Johnson
[humming]
Listens:
1850
Who:
Core 1
Blue
Listens:
1837
Who:
GLaDOS
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1828
Who:
Caroline
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1828
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1824
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1821
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1821
Who:
GLaDOS
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1820
Who:
Wheatley
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1806
Who:
GLaDOS
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1799
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1788
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space. Space.
Listens:
1785
Who:
Core 1
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1782
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello there!
Listens:
1779
Who:
Defective Turret
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1778
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1771
Who:
Announcer
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1756
Who:
Cave Johnson
Earth.
Listens:
1756
Who:
Core 1
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1752
Who:
Core 3
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1748
Who:
Cave Johnson
Failure...
Listens:
1747
Who:
Turret
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1744
Who:
Core 2
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1740
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1734
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1732
Who:
GLaDOS
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1719
Who:
Announcer
Die!
Listens:
1715
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1713
Who:
Announcer
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1708
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1707
Who:
Cave Johnson
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1706
Who:
Core 3
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1699
Who:
Turret
Space!
Listens:
1692
Who:
Core 1
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1691
Who:
Core 1
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1689
Who:
GLaDOS
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1689
Who:
Wheatley
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1688
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ah!
Listens:
1688
Who:
Core 1
The end.
Listens:
1687
Who:
GLaDOS
Dispensing product
Listens:
1687
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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