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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Blah.
Listens:
1969
Who:
GLaDOS
Noooooo!
Listens:
1966
Who:
Turret
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1965
Who:
GLaDOS
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1962
Who:
Cave Johnson
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1962
Who:
GLaDOS
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1958
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
1958
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1957
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1950
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1946
Who:
Wheatley
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1941
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
1929
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1928
Who:
Core 1
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1921
Who:
Core 2
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1919
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1913
Who:
Wheatley
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1906
Who:
Core 1
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1906
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1894
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Caroline
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1886
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1882
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1875
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1870
Who:
Core 1
I'm in space.
Listens:
1866
Who:
Core 1
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1860
Who:
Core 1
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1860
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1858
Who:
GLaDOS
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1854
Who:
Wheatley
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1851
Who:
Wheatley
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1848
Who:
Announcer
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1848
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1844
Who:
Core 3
Unknown error
Listens:
1841
Who:
Turret
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1837
Who:
GLaDOS
[humming]
Listens:
1832
Who:
Core 1
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1823
Who:
Announcer
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1819
Who:
Wheatley
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1818
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1814
Who:
Announcer
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1813
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1808
Who:
Core 3
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1799
Who:
Wheatley
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1797
Who:
Wheatley
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1792
Who:
Cave Johnson
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1791
Who:
Core 3
That's not funny.
Listens:
1780
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1778
Who:
Wheatley
Blue
Listens:
1769
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1768
Who:
GLaDOS
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1763
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1756
Who:
Caroline
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1750
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1750
Who:
GLaDOS
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1746
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1744
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space.
Listens:
1736
Who:
Core 1
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1728
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1723
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1717
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth.
Listens:
1713
Who:
Core 1
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1712
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1704
Who:
Defective Turret
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1702
Who:
Core 3
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1697
Who:
GLaDOS
Failure...
Listens:
1695
Who:
Turret
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1694
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1692
Who:
GLaDOS
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Listens:
1690
Who:
Cave Johnson
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1689
Who:
Cave Johnson
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1684
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1677
Who:
Cave Johnson
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1677
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1672
Who:
Core 2
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1666
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1659
Who:
Core 1
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1658
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello there!
Listens:
1657
Who:
Defective Turret
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1654
Who:
Defective Turret
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1644
Who:
Wheatley
Ah!
Listens:
1640
Who:
Core 1
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1639
Who:
Core 3
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1631
Who:
Announcer
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1630
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1629
Who:
Core 1
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1627
Who:
Turret
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1625
Who:
GLaDOS
Die!
Listens:
1625
Who:
Defective Turret
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1624
Who:
Cave Johnson
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1618
Who:
Core 1
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1617
Who:
Cave Johnson
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1614
Who:
Turret
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1613
Who:
Wheatley
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1611
Who:
GLaDOS
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1610
Who:
GLaDOS
The end.
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1605
Who:
Core 3
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1604
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1602
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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