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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1948
Who:
GLaDOS
Noooooo!
Listens:
1948
Who:
Turret
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1944
Who:
Announcer
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1941
Who:
Cave Johnson
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1940
Who:
Cave Johnson
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1938
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1936
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1935
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
1934
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1923
Who:
Core 1
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1923
Who:
Wheatley
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1905
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
1901
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1899
Who:
Core 2
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1896
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1892
Who:
GLaDOS
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Core 1
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Wheatley
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1872
Who:
GLaDOS
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1871
Who:
Caroline
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1863
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1862
Who:
Core 1
I'm in space.
Listens:
1856
Who:
Core 1
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1855
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1855
Who:
Wheatley
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1851
Who:
Core 1
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1841
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1839
Who:
GLaDOS
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1832
Who:
Wheatley
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1831
Who:
Announcer
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1831
Who:
Core 3
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1830
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1828
Who:
Wheatley
[humming]
Listens:
1825
Who:
Core 1
Unknown error
Listens:
1823
Who:
Turret
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1813
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1807
Who:
Wheatley
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1803
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1797
Who:
Announcer
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1797
Who:
Announcer
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1795
Who:
Core 3
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1793
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1789
Who:
Wheatley
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1780
Who:
Core 3
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1779
Who:
Wheatley
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1777
Who:
Cave Johnson
That's not funny.
Listens:
1759
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1756
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1756
Who:
Wheatley
Blue
Listens:
1751
Who:
GLaDOS
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1735
Who:
Caroline
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1732
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space. Space.
Listens:
1730
Who:
Core 1
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1726
Who:
GLaDOS
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1716
Who:
Cave Johnson
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1713
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1712
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1710
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth.
Listens:
1706
Who:
Core 1
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1698
Who:
Wheatley
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1692
Who:
Core 3
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1692
Who:
Defective Turret
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1681
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1678
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1676
Who:
GLaDOS
Failure...
Listens:
1674
Who:
Turret
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1669
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1666
Who:
GLaDOS
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1664
Who:
GLaDOS
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Listens:
1657
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space!
Listens:
1655
Who:
Core 1
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1648
Who:
Core 2
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1648
Who:
Defective Turret
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1643
Who:
Cave Johnson
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1639
Who:
Wheatley
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1638
Who:
GLaDOS
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1636
Who:
Cave Johnson
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1635
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello there!
Listens:
1631
Who:
Defective Turret
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1629
Who:
Wheatley
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1627
Who:
Core 3
Ah!
Listens:
1623
Who:
Core 1
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1620
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1614
Who:
Core 1
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1610
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1610
Who:
Turret
Die!
Listens:
1609
Who:
Defective Turret
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1606
Who:
Cave Johnson
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1602
Who:
Announcer
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1601
Who:
Turret
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1597
Who:
Core 1
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1597
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1595
Who:
Cave Johnson
The end.
Listens:
1595
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1591
Who:
Announcer
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1590
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1587
Who:
Defective Turret
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1586
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1585
Who:
Cave Johnson
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1585
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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