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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Original Order
Random
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Noooooo!
Listens:
2046
Who:
Turret
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2043
Who:
Core 3
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
2041
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
2034
Who:
Turret
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2029
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
2029
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
2028
Who:
Core 3
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
2010
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2007
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
2007
Who:
Wheatley
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1999
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1996
Who:
GLaDOS
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1995
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blah.
Listens:
1995
Who:
GLaDOS
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1977
Who:
Cave Johnson
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1976
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1975
Who:
Core 1
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1974
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1969
Who:
Core 2
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1960
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1959
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1950
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1947
Who:
Caroline
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1925
Who:
Announcer
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1922
Who:
Core 1
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1920
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1915
Who:
Core 3
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1915
Who:
GLaDOS
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1914
Who:
Wheatley
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1912
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1905
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1900
Who:
Announcer
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1893
Who:
Core 1
I'm in space.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Core 1
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Wheatley
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1889
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1888
Who:
Core 1
Unknown error
Listens:
1887
Who:
Turret
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1879
Who:
Announcer
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1878
Who:
Cave Johnson
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1872
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1868
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1861
Who:
Core 3
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1861
Who:
Wheatley
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1859
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1856
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1849
Who:
Wheatley
That's not funny.
Listens:
1846
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1844
Who:
GLaDOS
[humming]
Listens:
1841
Who:
Core 1
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1841
Who:
GLaDOS
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1837
Who:
Wheatley
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1835
Who:
GLaDOS
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1831
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1829
Who:
Wheatley
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1822
Who:
Cave Johnson
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1819
Who:
Cave Johnson
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1816
Who:
Core 3
Blue
Listens:
1804
Who:
GLaDOS
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Listens:
1800
Who:
Cave Johnson
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1800
Who:
Wheatley
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1796
Who:
Caroline
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1796
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1792
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1788
Who:
GLaDOS
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1775
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1772
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space.
Listens:
1770
Who:
Core 1
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1769
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1765
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1739
Who:
Cave Johnson
Earth.
Listens:
1734
Who:
Core 1
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1723
Who:
Cave Johnson
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1723
Who:
Core 3
Hello there!
Listens:
1723
Who:
Defective Turret
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1717
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1717
Who:
Defective Turret
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1713
Who:
Announcer
Failure...
Listens:
1713
Who:
Turret
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1708
Who:
Core 2
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1699
Who:
Wheatley
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1696
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1693
Who:
Cave Johnson
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1686
Who:
Cave Johnson
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1682
Who:
Core 3
Die!
Listens:
1680
Who:
Defective Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1673
Who:
Core 1
Space!
Listens:
1673
Who:
Core 1
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1673
Who:
GLaDOS
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1669
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1668
Who:
Wheatley
Ah!
Listens:
1664
Who:
Core 1
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1664
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Announcer
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1662
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Defective Turret
Dispensing product
Listens:
1660
Who:
Turret
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1653
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1648
Who:
Announcer
The end.
Listens:
1648
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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