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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1158
Who:
Core 3
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1157
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space.
Listens:
1156
Who:
Core 1
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1154
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1152
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Core 1
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1142
Who:
Announcer
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1142
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1139
Who:
Defective Turret
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1136
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1135
Who:
Turret
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1134
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1134
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1134
Who:
Turret
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1130
Who:
Core 1
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1121
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1118
Who:
Wheatley
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Core 3
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1113
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1112
Who:
Turret
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Wheatley
Yes!
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1098
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1096
Who:
Turret
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Cave Johnson
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1095
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1094
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1091
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
1090
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 3
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1084
Who:
Announcer
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1080
Who:
Core 3
Hello.
Listens:
1077
Who:
Defective Turret
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1074
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1072
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Core 1
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1067
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1067
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1067
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Announcer
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1060
Who:
Core 3
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1059
Who:
Core 3
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1059
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
1058
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1055
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
1055
Who:
Defective Turret
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1052
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1050
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
No hard fealings
Listens:
1047
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
1046
Who:
Core 1
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Core 3
GO.
Listens:
1045
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Core 1
Crap!
Listens:
1043
Who:
Defective Turret
Press the button again.
Listens:
1041
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1036
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Core 1
What are you doing?
Listens:
1034
Who:
Turret
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1033
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1032
Who:
Wheatley
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1032
Who:
Defective Turret
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1031
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1030
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1027
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1026
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1024
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1023
Who:
Announcer
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1022
Who:
Defective Turret
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Wheatley
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
1020
Who:
Turret
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Core 1
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1017
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1016
Who:
Cave Johnson
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1016
Who:
Core 3
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1016
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1016
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1016
Who:
Defective Turret
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1015
Who:
Announcer
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Core 1
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1013
Who:
Core 1
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1013
Who:
Wheatley
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1013
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 1
Are we in space?
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 1
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1011
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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