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Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1107
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Cave Johnson
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1105
Who:
Core 1
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1105
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Turret
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 1
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1077
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1075
Who:
Turret
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1074
Who:
Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1073
Who:
Cave Johnson
Lady.
Listens:
1073
Who:
Core 1
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1070
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1070
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1069
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1064
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1060
Who:
Turret
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1054
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1052
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1051
Who:
Announcer
Helloooo?
Listens:
1042
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1041
Who:
Turret
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1040
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1035
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1035
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes!
Listens:
1032
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1031
Who:
Cave Johnson
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1030
Who:
Announcer
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1029
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Core 1
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Core 3
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1027
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1024
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1023
Who:
Defective Turret
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1022
Who:
Core 3
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1022
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1021
Who:
GLaDOS
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Announcer
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1013
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1009
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1009
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1007
Who:
Defective Turret
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1006
Who:
GLaDOS
No hard fealings
Listens:
1004
Who:
Turret
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1002
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1000
Who:
Announcer
Hey.
Listens:
1000
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
999
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
999
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
995
Who:
Core 1
Press the button again.
Listens:
995
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
991
Who:
Defective Turret
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
989
Who:
Core 3
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
989
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
989
Who:
Turret
No!
Listens:
985
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
985
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
984
Who:
Core 1
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
983
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
982
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
977
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
977
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
976
Who:
Core 1
clickclickclick
Listens:
976
Who:
Defective Turret
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
975
Who:
Wheatley
It's my big chance!
Listens:
975
Who:
Defective Turret
Space.
Listens:
974
Who:
Core 1
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
974
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
973
Who:
Announcer
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
973
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
973
Who:
Core 1
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
971
Who:
Core 1
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
970
Who:
Core 1
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
970
Who:
Defective Turret
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
969
Who:
Core 1
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
967
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
965
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
964
Who:
Cave Johnson
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
963
Who:
Cave Johnson
It won't be enough.
Listens:
963
Who:
Turret
Hey lady.
Listens:
961
Who:
Core 1
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
961
Who:
Core 3
Machiavellian!
Listens:
961
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
960
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
959
Who:
Core 1
Are we in space?
Listens:
959
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space.
Listens:
957
Who:
Core 1
You will never go into space.
Listens:
957
Who:
Core 3
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
957
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
956
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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