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Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Wheatley
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1202
Who:
Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1201
Who:
Core 1
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1198
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1197
Who:
Cave Johnson
I blame myself.
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1186
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1185
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1179
Who:
Core 1
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1176
Who:
GLaDOS
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Announcer
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1172
Who:
Wheatley
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1171
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1170
Who:
Core 3
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1168
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1168
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1166
Who:
Core 1
Lady.
Listens:
1158
Who:
Core 1
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1158
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1154
Who:
Turret
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1149
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1142
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1140
Who:
Turret
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Wheatley
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1137
Who:
Announcer
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1137
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1133
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1133
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1132
Who:
Core 3
Yes!
Listens:
1131
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1128
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1127
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1126
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Wheatley
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1118
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1118
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
1117
Who:
Wheatley
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1114
Who:
Core 3
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Core 3
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 3
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1109
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1108
Who:
Core 3
Why?
Listens:
1108
Who:
Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Announcer
Hello.
Listens:
1102
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1101
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1098
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1097
Who:
Core 1
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1095
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1093
Who:
Core 1
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1091
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1088
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1088
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1088
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1087
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1084
Who:
Defective Turret
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1083
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
1081
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1079
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1077
Who:
GLaDOS
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1076
Who:
Core 3
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1075
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Announcer
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1074
Who:
Wheatley
No hard fealings
Listens:
1073
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Core 1
Press the button again.
Listens:
1070
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1070
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1069
Who:
Core 1
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1062
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1061
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1060
Who:
Core 1
Oh boy.
Listens:
1059
Who:
Core 1
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
1057
Who:
Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Announcer
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1054
Who:
Wheatley
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1054
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1053
Who:
Cave Johnson
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1053
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1052
Who:
Cave Johnson
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1048
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Core 1
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1047
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Turret
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1046
Who:
Core 3
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1046
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Core 1
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Wheatley
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1045
Who:
Defective Turret
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Announcer
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1043
Who:
Wheatley
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
1042
Who:
Turret
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
1041
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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