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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1150
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1149
Who:
Core 1
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
1143
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
1141
Who:
Core 1
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1140
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1137
Who:
Core 1
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1136
Who:
Cave Johnson
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1130
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1125
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1123
Who:
Turret
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1120
Who:
Core 1
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1118
Who:
Announcer
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1118
Who:
GLaDOS
Illegal operation
Listens:
1117
Who:
Turret
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1112
Who:
Defective Turret
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1108
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1105
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
1103
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
1102
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1101
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1100
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1093
Who:
Announcer
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
1091
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1091
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1084
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1083
Who:
Turret
Helloooo?
Listens:
1082
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1082
Who:
Wheatley
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1081
Who:
Cave Johnson
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1076
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1076
Who:
GLaDOS
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1073
Who:
Core 3
Hello.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Defective Turret
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Announcer
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Core 3
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1067
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1063
Who:
Core 1
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1062
Who:
Core 1
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1059
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1058
Who:
Wheatley
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1057
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Announcer
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
1048
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1048
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1043
Who:
Wheatley
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 3
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 3
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1042
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1042
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Defective Turret
No hard fealings
Listens:
1041
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 1
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 3
Oh boy.
Listens:
1033
Who:
Core 1
clickclickclick
Listens:
1033
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1032
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1029
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1028
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1026
Who:
Core 1
Press the button again.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1024
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing?
Listens:
1024
Who:
Turret
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1023
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1018
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1017
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Core 1
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1012
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Announcer
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1010
Who:
Core 1
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1010
Who:
Defective Turret
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1007
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1007
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1006
Who:
Core 1
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1006
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Defective Turret
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1004
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space.
Listens:
1004
Who:
Core 1
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1004
Who:
Wheatley
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Announcer
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1002
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1002
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 3
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Turret
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1001
Who:
Defective Turret
I love space.
Listens:
1000
Who:
Core 1
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
1000
Who:
Turret
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
999
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
998
Who:
Core 1
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
998
Who:
Wheatley
Machiavellian!
Listens:
998
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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