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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
1250
Who:
Defective Turret
Please stop.
Listens:
1249
Who:
Turret
The end?
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1244
Who:
Announcer
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Core 3
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1239
Who:
Cave Johnson
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1230
Who:
Wheatley
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1223
Who:
Turret
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1221
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
1221
Who:
Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1218
Who:
Core 1
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1218
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1211
Who:
Core 1
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1208
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1203
Who:
Turret
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1200
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1198
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1198
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
1191
Who:
Core 1
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1191
Who:
Core 3
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1190
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1190
Who:
Turret
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1189
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
1185
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1185
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1185
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1179
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1177
Who:
GLaDOS
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1175
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1174
Who:
Turret
Yes!
Listens:
1173
Who:
GLaDOS
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1170
Who:
Core 3
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1169
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1163
Who:
Core 1
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1163
Who:
Core 3
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1161
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1159
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1159
Who:
Wheatley
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1155
Who:
Cave Johnson
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1155
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1147
Who:
Announcer
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1145
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
1145
Who:
Defective Turret
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 3
No!
Listens:
1139
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1139
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooo?
Listens:
1137
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1136
Who:
Core 3
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1128
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
1127
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
1124
Who:
Turret
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1123
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1123
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Core 1
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1118
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1117
Who:
Core 1
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1117
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1117
Who:
Defective Turret
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1114
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1113
Who:
Announcer
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Cave Johnson
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Core 3
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Announcer
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1105
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
1101
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1101
Who:
Wheatley
No hard fealings
Listens:
1101
Who:
Turret
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1098
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1095
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1095
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1094
Who:
Defective Turret
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Cave Johnson
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Wheatley
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 1
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 1
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1089
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1088
Who:
Core 1
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
1088
Who:
Core 3
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1088
Who:
Wheatley
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1088
Who:
Turret
What are you doing?
Listens:
1088
Who:
Turret
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1087
Who:
Cave Johnson
Crap!
Listens:
1086
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1085
Who:
Wheatley
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1081
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
1080
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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