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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Announcer
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1177
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1175
Who:
Cave Johnson
I blame myself.
Listens:
1171
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
1168
Who:
Core 1
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1167
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1166
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1165
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Core 1
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1154
Who:
Defective Turret
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1148
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1145
Who:
Turret
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1143
Who:
Announcer
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1143
Who:
Turret
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1141
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Core 1
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1135
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1128
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1126
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1126
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1124
Who:
Turret
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1121
Who:
Wheatley
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1119
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Wheatley
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1117
Who:
Announcer
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1117
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes!
Listens:
1117
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1114
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1110
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1110
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1105
Who:
Turret
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Core 3
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1097
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Announcer
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1084
Who:
Core 1
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1083
Who:
Core 3
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1083
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1081
Who:
Core 1
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1080
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1079
Who:
Defective Turret
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1077
Who:
Core 3
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1073
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1072
Who:
Defective Turret
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1071
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1070
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1067
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
1065
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1064
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1064
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1063
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
1059
Who:
Core 1
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 3
No hard fealings
Listens:
1057
Who:
Turret
Oh boy.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Core 1
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1056
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Core 1
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1054
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1052
Who:
Announcer
Press the button again.
Listens:
1052
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1050
Who:
Defective Turret
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1048
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
1048
Who:
Turret
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1045
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Core 1
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1043
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1039
Who:
Cave Johnson
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1038
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1037
Who:
Defective Turret
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
1036
Who:
Turret
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1034
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1032
Who:
Core 1
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1032
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1032
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1031
Who:
GLaDOS
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1031
Who:
Wheatley
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1031
Who:
Turret
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1030
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1030
Who:
Wheatley
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1030
Who:
Wheatley
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Core 1
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Defective Turret
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1027
Who:
Core 1
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1027
Who:
Core 3
Hey.
Listens:
1026
Who:
Core 1
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1025
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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