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Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1096
Who:
Turret
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Turret
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1094
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1078
Who:
Core 1
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Core 3
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1065
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1065
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
1064
Who:
Core 1
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1062
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1060
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1060
Who:
Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1058
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1056
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1056
Who:
Defective Turret
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1053
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1048
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1047
Who:
Turret
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1040
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1040
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1035
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1032
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooo?
Listens:
1031
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1027
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1027
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
1026
Who:
Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1022
Who:
Announcer
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1022
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Core 1
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1016
Who:
Defective Turret
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Core 3
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1014
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1013
Who:
GLaDOS
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Announcer
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 3
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1007
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
1003
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1002
Who:
GLaDOS
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 3
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1000
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
999
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
999
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
997
Who:
Announcer
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
995
Who:
Defective Turret
No hard fealings
Listens:
993
Who:
Turret
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
992
Who:
Core 3
Hey.
Listens:
991
Who:
Core 1
Press the button again.
Listens:
991
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
988
Who:
Announcer
Oh boy.
Listens:
988
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
986
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
981
Who:
Core 1
Crap!
Listens:
980
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
979
Who:
Core 1
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
978
Who:
Defective Turret
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
975
Who:
Wheatley
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
973
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
972
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
971
Who:
Turret
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
969
Who:
Core 1
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
969
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
968
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
964
Who:
Core 1
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
964
Who:
Core 1
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
963
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
963
Who:
Core 1
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
963
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
962
Who:
Core 1
It's my big chance!
Listens:
962
Who:
Defective Turret
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
961
Who:
Core 1
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
959
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
959
Who:
Defective Turret
GO.
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
958
Who:
Defective Turret
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
957
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
956
Who:
Announcer
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
954
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space.
Listens:
954
Who:
Core 1
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
954
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
952
Who:
Cave Johnson
Really? Okay.
Listens:
951
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
950
Who:
Core 1
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
950
Who:
Core 3
No!
Listens:
950
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
948
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space.
Listens:
947
Who:
Core 1
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
946
Who:
Core 1
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
946
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
945
Who:
Core 1
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
You will never go into space.
Listens:
943
Who:
Core 3
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
943
Who:
Core 3
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
943
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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