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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
658
Who:
Core 2
Hey.
Listens:
657
Who:
Core 1
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
657
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
657
Who:
Turret
We are?
Listens:
656
Who:
Core 1
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
656
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
655
Who:
Core 2
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
655
Who:
Turret
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
648
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
645
Who:
Core 3
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't fair!
Listens:
642
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
641
Who:
Core 2
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 1
It's not, though.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 2
Ahhh...
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
633
Who:
Defective Turret
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
628
Who:
Defective Turret
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 1
AH!
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
622
Who:
Core 1
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
621
Who:
Core 3
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
620
Who:
Core 3
Uh oh.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
617
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
614
Who:
Core 3
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
612
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
611
Who:
Defective Turret
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Canvassing
Listens:
609
Who:
Turret
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 3
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something break back there?
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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