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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
612
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
608
Who:
Core 2
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
605
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 2
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 1
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
It's not, though.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
599
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 1
Lady.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 1
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 3
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
596
Who:
Core 3
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
This isn't fair!
Listens:
589
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
585
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
583
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
581
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
579
Who:
Defective Turret
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
577
Who:
Core 3
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
569
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
564
Who:
Turret
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
562
Who:
Core 3
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something break back there?
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
557
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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