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Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
724
Who:
Defective Turret
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
723
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
719
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't fair!
Listens:
714
Who:
Defective Turret
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
712
Who:
Core 3
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
712
Who:
Defective Turret
Resting
Listens:
711
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Good Job.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my.
Listens:
704
Who:
Turret
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
702
Who:
Core 2
Hey.
Listens:
701
Who:
Core 1
We are?
Listens:
700
Who:
Core 1
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
700
Who:
Core 2
three
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
698
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh...
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
698
Who:
Defective Turret
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
Come closer.
Listens:
696
Who:
Turret
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
695
Who:
Wheatley
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
You KNOW her?
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
687
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
686
Who:
Core 3
Uh oh.
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
685
Who:
Turret
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
684
Who:
Wheatley
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
679
Who:
Wheatley
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
674
Who:
Core 1
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
673
Who:
Turret
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
670
Who:
Defective Turret
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
669
Who:
Core 3
Stay still, please.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
662
Who:
Defective Turret
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
660
Who:
Defective Turret
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
659
Who:
Core 3
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
659
Who:
Core 2
Did something break back there?
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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