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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
576
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
575
Who:
Core 1
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
573
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
572
Who:
Core 3
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 3
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
569
Who:
Core 1
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
569
Who:
Core 3
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
561
Who:
Core 3
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
560
Who:
Core 2
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
558
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
This isn't fair!
Listens:
557
Who:
Defective Turret
It's not, though.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
554
Who:
Defective Turret
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
548
Who:
Core 3
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
547
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
547
Who:
Defective Turret
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
544
Who:
Core 3
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Did something break back there?
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
531
Who:
Turret
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
526
Who:
Defective Turret
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
524
Who:
Core 3
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
523
Who:
Core 3
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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