Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
631
Who:
Core 2
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
631
Who:
Defective Turret
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
628
Who:
Core 2
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
623
Who:
Core 2
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
619
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
615
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
614
Who:
Core 1
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
614
Who:
Core 2
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
613
Who:
Core 3
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 3
It's not, though.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
610
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
605
Who:
Core 1
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
604
Who:
Defective Turret
This isn't fair!
Listens:
604
Who:
Defective Turret
Just stop it already.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 1
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 3
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
595
Who:
Defective Turret
Uh oh.
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 3
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
590
Who:
Core 3
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 3
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Canvassing
Listens:
586
Who:
Turret
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh...
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something break back there?
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
