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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
647
Who:
Defective Turret
Resting
Listens:
647
Who:
Turret
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
645
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
644
Who:
Core 1
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
643
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
642
Who:
Core 2
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
629
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
628
Who:
Core 1
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 2
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 2
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
626
Who:
Core 3
This isn't fair!
Listens:
625
Who:
Defective Turret
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
It's not, though.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
620
Who:
Core 3
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
619
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang.
Listens:
616
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
615
Who:
Core 1
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
613
Who:
Core 1
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
607
Who:
Core 3
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
606
Who:
Defective Turret
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 3
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 3
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
601
Who:
Defective Turret
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 3
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Canvassing
Listens:
599
Who:
Turret
ow.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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