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Portal 2
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Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
598
Who:
Turret
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Good Job.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 3
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 2
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
590
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 1
Lady.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 1
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 1
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
583
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
583
Who:
Wheatley
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
582
Who:
Core 3
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not, though.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't fair!
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
574
Who:
Defective Turret
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
573
Who:
Core 3
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
573
Who:
Core 2
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
573
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
562
Who:
Core 3
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
562
Who:
Defective Turret
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
555
Who:
Core 3
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
549
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
547
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
547
Who:
Turret
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something break back there?
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
546
Who:
Defective Turret
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
540
Who:
Core 3
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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