Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1442
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blah.
Listens:
1442
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1442
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1441
Who:
GLaDOS
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1440
Who:
Wheatley
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1439
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1437
Who:
Core 3
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1434
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1434
Who:
Turret
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1433
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1429
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1427
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1427
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1423
Who:
Wheatley
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Core 3
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1421
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1420
Who:
Cave Johnson
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1419
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1419
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1415
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1410
Who:
Caroline
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1408
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1405
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1404
Who:
Announcer
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1404
Who:
Core 2
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1403
Who:
Turret
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1402
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1398
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1395
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1393
Who:
Announcer
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1392
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1389
Who:
Core 1
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1387
Who:
Announcer
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1387
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1386
Who:
Announcer
Hey lady.
Listens:
1383
Who:
Core 1
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1383
Who:
Wheatley
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1373
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1360
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Announcer
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1347
Who:
Core 3
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1341
Who:
Core 3
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1337
Who:
GLaDOS
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1334
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1329
Who:
Core 1
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1328
Who:
GLaDOS
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1320
Who:
Core 2
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1318
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1317
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1310
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1309
Who:
Cave Johnson
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1307
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1303
Who:
Wheatley
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1298
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1293
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1290
Who:
Core 2
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1286
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1278
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1278
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1274
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1273
Who:
Caroline
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1268
Who:
Announcer
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1267
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1266
Who:
Announcer
Ahh!
Listens:
1266
Who:
Turret
Owwwww!
Listens:
1266
Who:
Turret
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1262
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1261
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1259
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1254
Who:
Defective Turret
What do you think?
Listens:
1250
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1248
Who:
Core 1
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1246
Who:
Core 2
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1246
Who:
GLaDOS
New template accepted.
Listens:
1245
Who:
Announcer
I am!
Listens:
1245
Who:
Caroline
Um, hello?
Listens:
1244
Who:
Turret
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1243
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1242
Who:
Caroline
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1241
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1241
Who:
Wheatley
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Caroline
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1237
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1236
Who:
Core 2
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1232
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1229
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1228
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1228
Who:
Defective Turret
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1227
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1226
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1225
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
1225
Who:
Defective Turret
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1224
Who:
Wheatley
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1223
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
