Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1684
Who:
Wheatley
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1680
Who:
Defective Turret
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1677
Who:
GLaDOS
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1676
Who:
Core 3
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1674
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1674
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1672
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1666
Who:
Cave Johnson
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1665
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1664
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1663
Who:
Caroline
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1661
Who:
Core 3
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1661
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1661
Who:
Wheatley
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1660
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1658
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1656
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1655
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1653
Who:
Turret
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1652
Who:
Announcer
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1651
Who:
Core 1
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1649
Who:
Defective Turret
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1648
Who:
Core 3
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1647
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1646
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1645
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1641
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1635
Who:
Wheatley
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1632
Who:
Core 1
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Cave Johnson
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1629
Who:
Core 3
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1624
Who:
Core 3
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1621
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1603
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1600
Who:
GLaDOS
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1599
Who:
Announcer
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1596
Who:
Core 1
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1590
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1586
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1586
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1579
Who:
Announcer
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1575
Who:
GLaDOS
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1572
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1569
Who:
Core 1
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1569
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1564
Who:
Announcer
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1561
Who:
Wheatley
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1555
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1550
Who:
Announcer
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1550
Who:
Wheatley
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1547
Who:
Core 3
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1546
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1543
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1535
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1529
Who:
Core 2
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1527
Who:
Wheatley
Self test error
Listens:
1526
Who:
Turret
Hey lady.
Listens:
1523
Who:
Core 1
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1518
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1513
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1510
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1507
Who:
Caroline
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1506
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1505
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1505
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1502
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1495
Who:
Defective Turret
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Core 3
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1492
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1490
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1489
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1488
Who:
Core 3
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1486
Who:
Announcer
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1483
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
1473
Who:
Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1471
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1465
Who:
Core 1
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1465
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1464
Who:
Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1463
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1462
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1460
Who:
Caroline
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1460
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1456
Who:
Turret
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1455
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1454
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Caroline
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1453
Who:
GLaDOS
New template accepted.
Listens:
1451
Who:
Announcer
Press the button!
Listens:
1450
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1445
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1444
Who:
Core 2
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1444
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1444
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1442
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1440
Who:
Defective Turret
Um, hello?
Listens:
1439
Who:
Turret
AHH!
Listens:
1437
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1437
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1436
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
