Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
The end.
Listens:
1652
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1651
Who:
Cave Johnson
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1649
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1646
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1646
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1640
Who:
GLaDOS
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1637
Who:
Core 3
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1636
Who:
Core 3
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Caroline
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1631
Who:
Core 1
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1631
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1630
Who:
Defective Turret
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1629
Who:
Wheatley
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1628
Who:
Core 3
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1625
Who:
Turret
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1624
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1623
Who:
Defective Turret
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1622
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1618
Who:
Core 1
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1617
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1616
Who:
Wheatley
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1613
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1608
Who:
Cave Johnson
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1603
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1602
Who:
Announcer
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1601
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1591
Who:
Core 3
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1585
Who:
Core 3
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1585
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1578
Who:
Core 1
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1570
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1567
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1565
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1565
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1558
Who:
Core 1
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1545
Who:
Wheatley
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1544
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1538
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1538
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1532
Who:
Wheatley
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1531
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1528
Who:
Announcer
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1513
Who:
Announcer
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1513
Who:
Core 3
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1513
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1511
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1511
Who:
Core 2
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1510
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1506
Who:
Cave Johnson
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1504
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1497
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1493
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1490
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1489
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1487
Who:
Caroline
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1483
Who:
Wheatley
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1478
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1476
Who:
Announcer
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1470
Who:
Core 3
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1469
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1467
Who:
Core 3
Self test error
Listens:
1467
Who:
Turret
GAAAA!
Listens:
1464
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1460
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1455
Who:
Core 1
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
1451
Who:
Turret
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1448
Who:
Announcer
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1446
Who:
Announcer
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1443
Who:
Caroline
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1443
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1435
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1435
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1430
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1427
Who:
Caroline
New template accepted.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Announcer
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1426
Who:
Core 2
Blah.
Listens:
1426
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1424
Who:
Turret
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1420
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1420
Who:
Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1418
Who:
Wheatley
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1415
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1415
Who:
Defective Turret
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1414
Who:
Wheatley
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1413
Who:
Core 2
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1413
Who:
Wheatley
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1412
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1405
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1404
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button!
Listens:
1403
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1403
Who:
Wheatley
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1402
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
