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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1465
Who:
Turret
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1464
Who:
Core 1
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1463
Who:
Cave Johnson
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1463
Who:
Cave Johnson
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1462
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1462
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1462
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1457
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1456
Who:
Core 1
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1449
Who:
Core 3
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1448
Who:
Wheatley
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1445
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1444
Who:
Defective Turret
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1439
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Cave Johnson
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Core 3
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1438
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Wheatley
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1438
Who:
Turret
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1435
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1434
Who:
Announcer
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1433
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1430
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1430
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1429
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1423
Who:
Caroline
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1420
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1418
Who:
Announcer
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1417
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1415
Who:
Announcer
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1413
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1410
Who:
Core 2
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1408
Who:
Announcer
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1408
Who:
Core 3
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1401
Who:
Core 1
Hey lady.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Core 1
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Wheatley
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1390
Who:
Wheatley
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1389
Who:
Wheatley
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1378
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1378
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1367
Who:
Announcer
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1353
Who:
Core 3
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1352
Who:
Core 3
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1349
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1347
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1337
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1336
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1335
Who:
Core 1
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1329
Who:
Cave Johnson
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1325
Who:
GLaDOS
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1324
Who:
Core 2
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1324
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1321
Who:
Wheatley
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Defective Turret
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1315
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1306
Who:
Wheatley
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1305
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1304
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 2
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1298
Who:
Wheatley
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1293
Who:
Announcer
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1291
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1289
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1288
Who:
Announcer
Owwwww!
Listens:
1285
Who:
Turret
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1283
Who:
Caroline
Ahh!
Listens:
1282
Who:
Turret
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1277
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1276
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1275
Who:
Defective Turret
New template accepted.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Announcer
What do you think?
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Wheatley
Um, hello?
Listens:
1268
Who:
Turret
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Defective Turret
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Cave Johnson
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Core 2
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1256
Who:
Caroline
I am!
Listens:
1256
Who:
Caroline
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1255
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
1255
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1254
Who:
Core 1
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1253
Who:
Core 1
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1252
Who:
Caroline
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1252
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Defective Turret
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1250
Who:
Core 3
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1250
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1250
Who:
Defective Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1249
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1249
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1249
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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