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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1587
Who:
Defective Turret
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1586
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1586
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1585
Who:
Turret
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1584
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1584
Who:
GLaDOS
Dispensing product
Listens:
1576
Who:
Turret
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1575
Who:
Core 1
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1574
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1573
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1571
Who:
GLaDOS
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1570
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1561
Who:
Caroline
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1561
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1560
Who:
Core 3
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1555
Who:
Announcer
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1555
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1552
Who:
Core 3
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1552
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1552
Who:
Defective Turret
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1548
Who:
Cave Johnson
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1543
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1538
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1534
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1533
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1531
Who:
Core 1
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1529
Who:
Cave Johnson
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1527
Who:
Wheatley
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1526
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1522
Who:
Announcer
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1517
Who:
Core 3
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1505
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1501
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1500
Who:
Core 1
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1493
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1491
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1489
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Announcer
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1475
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady.
Listens:
1471
Who:
Core 1
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1469
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1451
Who:
Core 2
Blah.
Listens:
1449
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1448
Who:
Wheatley
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1445
Who:
Announcer
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1440
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Cave Johnson
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1435
Who:
Wheatley
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1434
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1433
Who:
Wheatley
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1428
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1426
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1422
Who:
Core 3
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1422
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1421
Who:
Announcer
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1421
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1420
Who:
Core 3
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1417
Who:
GLaDOS
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1412
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1411
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1410
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1410
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1407
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1400
Who:
Core 1
Ahh!
Listens:
1398
Who:
Turret
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1395
Who:
Caroline
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1394
Who:
Caroline
New template accepted.
Listens:
1392
Who:
Announcer
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1390
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1386
Who:
Cave Johnson
Owwwww!
Listens:
1380
Who:
Turret
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1379
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1375
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1374
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1373
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1372
Who:
Announcer
Um, hello?
Listens:
1369
Who:
Turret
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1365
Who:
Wheatley
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Core 2
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1361
Who:
Caroline
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1360
Who:
Core 2
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1357
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1357
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Announcer
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1354
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1353
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1351
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1350
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1349
Who:
Defective Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1348
Who:
Turret
Self test error
Listens:
1347
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1345
Who:
Defective Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
1344
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1343
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Core 3
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1340
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1340
Who:
Wheatley
Sir!
Listens:
1337
Who:
Caroline
clickclickclick
Listens:
1336
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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