Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
The end.
Listens:
1666
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1662
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1659
Who:
Cave Johnson
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1658
Who:
GLaDOS
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1654
Who:
Core 3
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1654
Who:
Turret
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1651
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1646
Who:
Caroline
Blah.
Listens:
1645
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1645
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1644
Who:
Core 3
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1638
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1637
Who:
Core 1
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1637
Who:
Defective Turret
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1635
Who:
Core 3
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1635
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1635
Who:
Defective Turret
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1633
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1633
Who:
Turret
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1628
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1625
Who:
Announcer
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1624
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1624
Who:
Wheatley
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1622
Who:
Core 1
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1618
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1612
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1603
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1602
Who:
Cave Johnson
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1601
Who:
Core 3
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1601
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1594
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1593
Who:
GLaDOS
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1585
Who:
Announcer
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1583
Who:
Core 1
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1579
Who:
Wheatley
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1576
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1571
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1560
Who:
Core 1
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1557
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1555
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1550
Who:
Announcer
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1550
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1548
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1541
Who:
Wheatley
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1534
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1532
Who:
Announcer
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1524
Who:
Core 3
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1521
Who:
Wheatley
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1520
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1519
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1519
Who:
Core 2
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1518
Who:
Cave Johnson
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1505
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1503
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1502
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1497
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1495
Who:
Caroline
Blah.
Listens:
1495
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1493
Who:
Announcer
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1493
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1487
Who:
Wheatley
Self test error
Listens:
1487
Who:
Turret
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1480
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1480
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1476
Who:
Core 3
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1475
Who:
Wheatley
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1473
Who:
Core 3
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1470
Who:
Announcer
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1464
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1462
Who:
Announcer
Ahh!
Listens:
1462
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1461
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1459
Who:
Core 1
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1450
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1449
Who:
Caroline
Owwwww!
Listens:
1443
Who:
Turret
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1441
Who:
GLaDOS
New template accepted.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Announcer
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1438
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1437
Who:
Core 2
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1435
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1434
Who:
Turret
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1431
Who:
Caroline
Blah.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1430
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1429
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1428
Who:
Wheatley
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1425
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1424
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1424
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1424
Who:
Turret
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Core 2
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1421
Who:
Wheatley
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1420
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1419
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1417
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1416
Who:
Core 3
Press the button!
Listens:
1414
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
