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Portal 2
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No, wait, wait!
Listens:
577
Who:
Defective Turret
Always sad.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
575
Who:
Defective Turret
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
573
Who:
Core 2
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
571
Who:
Core 3
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
571
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
566
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
566
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
564
Who:
Defective Turret
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
563
Who:
Defective Turret
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
559
Who:
Defective Turret
four
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
555
Who:
Core 3
Cheater.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
553
Who:
Core 3
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
550
Who:
Core 2
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
550
Who:
Defective Turret
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
549
Who:
Wheatley
Pfff. I guess.
Listens:
548
Who:
Core 2
Always sleeping.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
538
Who:
Core 2
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
537
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
534
Who:
Defective Turret
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
She did all the work.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
529
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 2
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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