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Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
537
Who:
Defective Turret
NO!
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
535
Who:
Core 3
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
535
Who:
Defective Turret
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
534
Who:
Core 2
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
533
Who:
Defective Turret
Rgggh!
Listens:
532
Who:
Defective Turret
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
528
Who:
Defective Turret
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
526
Who:
Defective Turret
This time...
Listens:
525
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
525
Who:
Defective Turret
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
524
Who:
Defective Turret
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
521
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
521
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
520
Who:
Core 2
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
520
Who:
Defective Turret
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
515
Who:
Core 3
Thanks!
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
There. Fixed.
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
511
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
510
Who:
Defective Turret
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
509
Who:
Core 2
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Try it now.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
504
Who:
Core 2
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
504
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
496
Who:
Defective Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
495
Who:
Core 2
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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