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Portal 2
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You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
602
Who:
Defective Turret
eight
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
601
Who:
Defective Turret
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 3
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
597
Who:
Defective Turret
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
594
Who:
Core 2
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow.
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
592
Who:
Defective Turret
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
592
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
590
Who:
Defective Turret
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 3
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
586
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
585
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
584
Who:
Defective Turret
Do not press that button!
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
580
Who:
Defective Turret
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
577
Who:
Defective Turret
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Pfff. I guess.
Listens:
574
Who:
Core 2
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 2
Sorry.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
563
Who:
Core 3
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Always sleeping.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
561
Who:
Core 3
It's eating me.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
560
Who:
Defective Turret
Um.
Listens:
560
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
556
Who:
Core 3
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
554
Who:
Core 2
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Can you see the portal gun?
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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