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Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
478
Who:
Core 3
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
476
Who:
Core 2
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
475
Who:
Defective Turret
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
473
Who:
Defective Turret
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
470
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
467
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
466
Who:
Core 2
There. Fixed.
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
465
Who:
Core 3
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
465
Who:
Defective Turret
There. Try it now.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
This time...
Listens:
464
Who:
Defective Turret
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
462
Who:
Core 2
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
462
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
459
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
457
Who:
Core 2
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
455
Who:
Defective Turret
Cheater.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
452
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
449
Who:
Core 2
clickclickclick
Listens:
449
Who:
Defective Turret
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
446
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
444
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
442
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
NOT a team player.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
439
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
438
Who:
Defective Turret
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
437
Who:
Defective Turret
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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