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Portal 2
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Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
497
Who:
Defective Turret
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
496
Who:
Core 3
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
495
Who:
Core 2
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
493
Who:
Defective Turret
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
There. Fixed.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
489
Who:
Core 3
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
489
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
488
Who:
Core 2
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
487
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
485
Who:
Core 2
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
484
Who:
Wheatley
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
This time...
Listens:
483
Who:
Defective Turret
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
480
Who:
Defective Turret
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
There. Try it now.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
475
Who:
Core 2
Oh no...
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
472
Who:
Defective Turret
Rgggh!
Listens:
472
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
468
Who:
Defective Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
467
Who:
Core 2
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
466
Who:
Defective Turret
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
464
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow.
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
NOT a team player.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
455
Who:
Defective Turret
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
454
Who:
Core 2
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
453
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
Not getting better with age!
Listens:
451
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
451
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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