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Portal 2
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Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
561
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
This time...
Listens:
559
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang.
Listens:
559
Who:
Defective Turret
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
556
Who:
Defective Turret
four
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
552
Who:
Defective Turret
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
551
Who:
Core 3
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
550
Who:
Defective Turret
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
549
Who:
Core 3
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
548
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Always sleeping.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
540
Who:
Defective Turret
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
539
Who:
Core 3
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
539
Who:
Core 2
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
537
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
536
Who:
Defective Turret
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
535
Who:
Defective Turret
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Cheater.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
531
Who:
Defective Turret
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 2
Sorry.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
527
Who:
Defective Turret
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
520
Who:
Core 2
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
There. Fixed.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Yes!
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
NOT a team player.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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