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I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5525
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5517
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5510
Who:
Core 2
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5496
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5454
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5452
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5429
Who:
Announcer
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5426
Who:
Announcer
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
5299
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5273
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5247
Who:
Announcer
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
5168
Who:
GLaDOS
Hooray!
Listens:
5166
Who:
Turret
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5136
Who:
Turret
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
5098
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
5091
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
5088
Who:
Turret
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
5077
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
5034
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4979
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4940
Who:
Wheatley
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4939
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4930
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4901
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4836
Who:
Announcer
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4831
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4806
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you!
Listens:
4798
Who:
Turret
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4786
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4636
Who:
Announcer
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4572
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4549
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4548
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4536
Who:
Core 3
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4511
Who:
Defective Turret
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4486
Who:
Announcer
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4485
Who:
Announcer
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4484
Who:
Core 3
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4466
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4462
Who:
Turret
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4448
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4427
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4375
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4373
Who:
Wheatley
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4365
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4354
Who:
Turret
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4329
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4313
Who:
Core 2
Hello.
Listens:
4304
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
4289
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4265
Who:
Core 3
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4261
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4252
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4238
Who:
GLaDOS
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
4229
Who:
Announcer
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4226
Who:
Defective Turret
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4183
Who:
Wheatley
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4182
Who:
Core 1
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4127
Who:
GLaDOS
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4120
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
4077
Who:
Announcer
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
4075
Who:
Announcer
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
4074
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
4059
Who:
Core 2
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
4040
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4029
Who:
Core 1
Butterfingers.
Listens:
4026
Who:
Wheatley
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
4023
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4018
Who:
Core 1
Yes sir!
Listens:
4006
Who:
Caroline
Target lost
Listens:
4006
Who:
Turret
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3999
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3956
Who:
Defective Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3954
Who:
Turret
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3939
Who:
Defective Turret
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3938
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3927
Who:
Cave Johnson
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3920
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3911
Who:
Wheatley
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3901
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3881
Who:
Core 1
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3852
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3824
Who:
Announcer
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3794
Who:
Core 2
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3793
Who:
GLaDOS
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3791
Who:
Wheatley
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3789
Who:
GLaDOS
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3767
Who:
Announcer
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3752
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3740
Who:
Cave Johnson
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3713
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3702
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3690
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3684
Who:
Wheatley
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3676
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3649
Who:
Defective Turret
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3645
Who:
Turret
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3638
Who:
Cave Johnson
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3621
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3616
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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