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I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5389
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5387
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5302
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5234
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5215
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5142
Who:
Core 1
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5124
Who:
Announcer
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5117
Who:
Announcer
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
5063
Who:
Wheatley
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
5019
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5009
Who:
Turret
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
4962
Who:
GLaDOS
Hooray!
Listens:
4928
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4907
Who:
Announcer
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4893
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4867
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4860
Who:
Turret
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4826
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4803
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4753
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4713
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4703
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4666
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4653
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4641
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you!
Listens:
4622
Who:
Turret
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4583
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4471
Who:
Announcer
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4436
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4429
Who:
Announcer
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4429
Who:
Announcer
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4410
Who:
Core 3
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4386
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4383
Who:
Wheatley
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4374
Who:
Core 3
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4374
Who:
Defective Turret
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4330
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4304
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4270
Who:
Turret
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4252
Who:
Announcer
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4246
Who:
Turret
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4239
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4234
Who:
Core 2
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4226
Who:
Cave Johnson
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4219
Who:
GLaDOS
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4209
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4194
Who:
Announcer
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4179
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4171
Who:
Core 3
Hello.
Listens:
4135
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
4122
Who:
Wheatley
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4111
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4107
Who:
GLaDOS
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4094
Who:
Core 1
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4075
Who:
Wheatley
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4059
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4013
Who:
GLaDOS
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
3994
Who:
Announcer
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
3932
Who:
Core 1
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
3914
Who:
Announcer
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3900
Who:
Wheatley
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
3884
Who:
Core 1
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3879
Who:
Wheatley
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3861
Who:
Announcer
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
3855
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir!
Listens:
3853
Who:
Caroline
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3848
Who:
Defective Turret
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3844
Who:
Defective Turret
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3836
Who:
Core 2
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3833
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3830
Who:
Core 1
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3830
Who:
GLaDOS
Target lost
Listens:
3821
Who:
Turret
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3800
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3784
Who:
Wheatley
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
3781
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3781
Who:
Defective Turret
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3755
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3727
Who:
Cave Johnson
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3726
Who:
Core 2
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3708
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3675
Who:
Announcer
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3629
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3623
Who:
GLaDOS
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3619
Who:
Wheatley
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3614
Who:
Announcer
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3595
Who:
Cave Johnson
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3589
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3568
Who:
Wheatley
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3563
Who:
Cave Johnson
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3555
Who:
Turret
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3542
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3540
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3536
Who:
Announcer
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3535
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3533
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3526
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3523
Who:
Defective Turret
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3514
Who:
GLaDOS
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3476
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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