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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5561
Who:
Core 2
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5546
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5533
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5524
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5487
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5461
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5460
Who:
Announcer
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5460
Who:
Announcer
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
5352
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5321
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5291
Who:
Announcer
Hooray!
Listens:
5212
Who:
Turret
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
5185
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5156
Who:
Turret
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
5128
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
5126
Who:
Turret
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
5117
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
5108
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
5097
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
5059
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4994
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4978
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4964
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4964
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4952
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4911
Who:
Announcer
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4882
Who:
Announcer
Thank you!
Listens:
4835
Who:
Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4825
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4816
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4681
Who:
Announcer
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4573
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4564
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4550
Who:
Core 3
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4530
Who:
Defective Turret
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4521
Who:
Announcer
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4515
Who:
Core 3
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4514
Who:
Announcer
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4492
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4488
Who:
Turret
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4467
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4454
Who:
Cave Johnson
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4391
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4384
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4382
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4373
Who:
Turret
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4372
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4336
Who:
Core 2
Hello.
Listens:
4321
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
4308
Who:
Wheatley
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
4282
Who:
Announcer
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4281
Who:
Core 3
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4274
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4269
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4264
Who:
GLaDOS
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4238
Who:
Defective Turret
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4208
Who:
Wheatley
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4185
Who:
Core 1
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4159
Who:
Announcer
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4154
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
4144
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
4119
Who:
Announcer
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
4099
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
4095
Who:
Core 2
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
4064
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4057
Who:
Core 1
Target lost
Listens:
4049
Who:
Turret
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
4042
Who:
GLaDOS
Butterfingers.
Listens:
4031
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4027
Who:
Core 1
Yes sir!
Listens:
4019
Who:
Caroline
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
4018
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3965
Who:
Defective Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3965
Who:
Turret
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3961
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3958
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3958
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3955
Who:
Cave Johnson
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3938
Who:
Wheatley
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3909
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3883
Who:
Core 1
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3859
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3847
Who:
Announcer
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3820
Who:
Announcer
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3814
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3808
Who:
GLaDOS
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3807
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3802
Who:
Core 2
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3787
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3782
Who:
GLaDOS
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3730
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3723
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3716
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3704
Who:
Wheatley
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3701
Who:
GLaDOS
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3678
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3661
Who:
Defective Turret
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3656
Who:
Turret
Just go.
Listens:
3632
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3632
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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