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Portal 2
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OW.
Listens:
732
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
731
Who:
Core 3
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press the button!
Listens:
729
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
727
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 2
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
723
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
723
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
720
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 2
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
713
Who:
Defective Turret
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
709
Who:
Defective Turret
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
708
Who:
Turret
Firing
Listens:
708
Who:
Turret
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
707
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
704
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
704
Who:
Turret
That's horrible.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
699
Who:
Defective Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
698
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
697
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
696
Who:
Core 3
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
691
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
691
Who:
Turret
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
687
Who:
Defective Turret
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
684
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
You won't regret this!
Listens:
677
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
676
Who:
Turret
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
674
Who:
Core 3
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
672
Who:
GLaDOS
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
671
Who:
Core 3
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
671
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Good Job.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
670
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
668
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
667
Who:
Core 2
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
667
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
666
Who:
Defective Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
665
Who:
Core 3
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
663
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
663
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
663
Who:
Turret
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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