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Portal 2
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Dang!
Listens:
747
Who:
Defective Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
746
Who:
Core 3
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
745
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
744
Who:
Turret
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
744
Who:
Turret
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 2
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
741
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
740
Who:
Defective Turret
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
739
Who:
Core 3
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
733
Who:
Core 2
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
733
Who:
Defective Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
728
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
727
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
726
Who:
Defective Turret
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 3
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
723
Who:
Turret
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
719
Who:
Wheatley
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
718
Who:
Defective Turret
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
718
Who:
Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
That's horrible.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
708
Who:
Defective Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
I need backup!
Listens:
706
Who:
Turret
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
703
Who:
Core 3
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
703
Who:
Core 3
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
702
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
699
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
697
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
691
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
690
Who:
Defective Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
689
Who:
Core 3
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
689
Who:
Core 2
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
689
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
687
Who:
Core 1
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
686
Who:
Defective Turret
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Good Job.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
684
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
682
Who:
Core 2
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
682
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
682
Who:
Defective Turret
Come closer.
Listens:
682
Who:
Turret
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
681
Who:
Turret
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
679
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
677
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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