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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
778
Who:
Core 3
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
778
Who:
Core 3
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
778
Who:
Core 2
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
777
Who:
Defective Turret
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
775
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
775
Who:
Defective Turret
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
775
Who:
Defective Turret
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
774
Who:
Core 3
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
774
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
774
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
771
Who:
Core 3
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
771
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
771
Who:
Turret
Wow.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
767
Who:
Wheatley
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
767
Who:
Turret
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
765
Who:
Defective Turret
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
762
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
762
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
761
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
761
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
760
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
759
Who:
Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
756
Who:
Core 2
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
756
Who:
Core 2
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
Firing
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
752
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
750
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
746
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
745
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
744
Who:
Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
741
Who:
Wheatley
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
740
Who:
Core 3
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
740
Who:
Turret
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
737
Who:
Core 1
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
736
Who:
Defective Turret
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
732
Who:
Core 3
Orange
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
729
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
729
Who:
Defective Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 3
NO!
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
724
Who:
Turret
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
723
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
722
Who:
Core 2
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
721
Who:
Core 3
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
721
Who:
Defective Turret
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 3
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
717
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
711
Who:
Core 3
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
710
Who:
Core 2
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
709
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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