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Portal 2
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Yeah!
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
OW.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
671
Who:
Core 3
Dang!
Listens:
670
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
667
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
666
Who:
Core 3
Miss you!
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
665
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
664
Who:
Defective Turret
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
659
Who:
Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
656
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
656
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
655
Who:
Defective Turret
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
649
Who:
Core 3
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
649
Who:
Defective Turret
Firing
Listens:
648
Who:
Turret
Come closer.
Listens:
647
Who:
Turret
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
646
Who:
Defective Turret
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
644
Who:
Turret
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw, come on!
Listens:
636
Who:
Defective Turret
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
You won't regret this!
Listens:
628
Who:
Defective Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 1
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 3
ow.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
623
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
622
Who:
Core 1
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
619
Who:
Core 2
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
617
Who:
Core 3
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
617
Who:
Core 3
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
617
Who:
Turret
Resting
Listens:
617
Who:
Turret
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 2
AH!
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
605
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh my.
Listens:
605
Who:
Turret
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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