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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
662
Who:
Core 3
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
662
Who:
Core 3
Yeah!
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
660
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
That's horrible.
Listens:
656
Who:
GLaDOS
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
655
Who:
Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
652
Who:
Defective Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
651
Who:
Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
646
Who:
Defective Turret
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
641
Who:
Core 3
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Come closer.
Listens:
641
Who:
Turret
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
I need backup!
Listens:
638
Who:
Turret
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
637
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
636
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Firing
Listens:
635
Who:
Turret
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
630
Who:
Defective Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
You won't regret this!
Listens:
624
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
619
Who:
Core 1
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
617
Who:
Core 3
Orange
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
615
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
614
Who:
Core 1
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
613
Who:
Core 2
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
613
Who:
Turret
ow.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
609
Who:
Core 3
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
609
Who:
Core 3
Well done!
Listens:
609
Who:
Turret
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
608
Who:
Defective Turret
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 2
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
three
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
599
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
596
Who:
Turret
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
595
Who:
Core 2
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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