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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
699
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
697
Who:
Core 2
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
697
Who:
Wheatley
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
696
Who:
Defective Turret
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
692
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
691
Who:
Core 3
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
690
Who:
Core 2
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
689
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
688
Who:
Defective Turret
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
688
Who:
Turret
That's horrible.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
681
Who:
Defective Turret
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
679
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
679
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
678
Who:
Turret
Firing
Listens:
677
Who:
Turret
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
676
Who:
Defective Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
675
Who:
Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
670
Who:
Core 3
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
667
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
666
Who:
Defective Turret
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
Come closer.
Listens:
664
Who:
Turret
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
661
Who:
Defective Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
656
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
652
Who:
Defective Turret
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
651
Who:
Core 3
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
643
Who:
Defective Turret
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 1
Well done!
Listens:
636
Who:
Turret
We are?
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 1
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
635
Who:
Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
631
Who:
Core 2
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
630
Who:
Turret
Good Job.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
626
Who:
Core 2
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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