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Portal 2
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This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 3
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
719
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
719
Who:
Defective Turret
OW.
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
717
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't press the button!
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
713
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
708
Who:
Core 2
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
707
Who:
Core 3
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 3
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 2
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
700
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
700
Who:
Defective Turret
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
699
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
699
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
698
Who:
Turret
Firing
Listens:
698
Who:
Turret
That's horrible.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
695
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
695
Who:
Defective Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
694
Who:
Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
693
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
693
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
691
Who:
Defective Turret
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
683
Who:
Core 3
ow.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
683
Who:
Defective Turret
I need backup!
Listens:
683
Who:
Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
682
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
682
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
679
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
672
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
671
Who:
Defective Turret
Come closer.
Listens:
671
Who:
Turret
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
669
Who:
Wheatley
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
668
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
663
Who:
Core 3
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw, come on!
Listens:
661
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
657
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
656
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
655
Who:
Defective Turret
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
653
Who:
Core 3
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 1
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Well done!
Listens:
648
Who:
Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
647
Who:
Core 3
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
647
Who:
Core 2
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
647
Who:
Core 2
Good Job.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
647
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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