Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
766
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
765
Who:
Core 3
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
764
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
764
Who:
Turret
Wow.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
762
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
759
Who:
Core 3
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
759
Who:
Turret
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
758
Who:
Defective Turret
science collaboration points.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
754
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
754
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
752
Who:
Core 2
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
752
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
751
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
748
Who:
Defective Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
Firing
Listens:
744
Who:
Turret
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 2
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
741
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
739
Who:
Defective Turret
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
738
Who:
Turret
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
734
Who:
Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
730
Who:
Core 3
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
729
Who:
Core 3
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 1
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
727
Who:
Defective Turret
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
Orange
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
718
Who:
Core 3
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
718
Who:
Defective Turret
I need backup!
Listens:
718
Who:
Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 3
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
717
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
712
Who:
Core 3
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
710
Who:
Defective Turret
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 2
AH!
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw, come on!
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
700
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!