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Portal 2
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Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
641
Who:
Defective Turret
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
633
Who:
Defective Turret
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
633
Who:
Turret
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
629
Who:
Turret
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
627
Who:
Defective Turret
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
623
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
622
Who:
Core 3
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Come closer.
Listens:
622
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
621
Who:
Defective Turret
Miss you!
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
I need backup!
Listens:
620
Who:
Turret
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
617
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
617
Who:
Turret
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press the button!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
609
Who:
Defective Turret
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
608
Who:
Core 2
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
You won't regret this!
Listens:
605
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 3
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
We are?
Listens:
601
Who:
Core 1
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 3
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 2
Orange
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
597
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
596
Who:
Core 1
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
592
Who:
Defective Turret
NO!
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
586
Who:
Turret
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
584
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
582
Who:
Core 2
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
582
Who:
Turret
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
three
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
576
Who:
Core 2
Good Job.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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