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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
799
Who:
Core 2
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
794
Who:
Defective Turret
Good shot!
Listens:
794
Who:
Turret
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
793
Who:
Core 3
Briefly.
Listens:
790
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
790
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
790
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
789
Who:
Core 3
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
788
Who:
Core 2
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
787
Who:
Core 3
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 3
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 2
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
786
Who:
Defective Turret
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
784
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
782
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 3
Wow.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
778
Who:
Defective Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
Firing
Listens:
777
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
773
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
769
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
768
Who:
Defective Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
767
Who:
Core 3
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
766
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
765
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
762
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
761
Who:
Core 2
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
761
Who:
Wheatley
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
760
Who:
Defective Turret
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
759
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
759
Who:
Turret
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
752
Who:
Turret
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
751
Who:
Core 3
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
751
Who:
Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
750
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Orange
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
747
Who:
Core 2
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
745
Who:
Core 1
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
742
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
741
Who:
GLaDOS
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
740
Who:
Core 3
NO!
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
740
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
739
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
739
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
739
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
737
Who:
Core 3
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
736
Who:
Core 3
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
734
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
732
Who:
Core 2
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
729
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
727
Who:
Core 3
I need backup!
Listens:
727
Who:
Turret
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
725
Who:
Core 3
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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