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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
707
Who:
Core 3
OW.
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
707
Who:
Defective Turret
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
704
Who:
Core 2
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 3
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 3
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
696
Who:
Core 2
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
695
Who:
Defective Turret
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
691
Who:
Turret
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
690
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
689
Who:
GLaDOS
Firing
Listens:
688
Who:
Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
687
Who:
Wheatley
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
686
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
684
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
684
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
683
Who:
Turret
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
682
Who:
Defective Turret
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
679
Who:
Turret
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
675
Who:
Core 3
AH!
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
675
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
672
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Come closer.
Listens:
668
Who:
Turret
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
667
Who:
Defective Turret
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
658
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
657
Who:
Defective Turret
Aw, come on!
Listens:
657
Who:
Defective Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
645
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
643
Who:
Core 3
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
640
Who:
Core 1
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 2
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
638
Who:
Turret
We are?
Listens:
637
Who:
Core 1
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
637
Who:
Turret
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my.
Listens:
636
Who:
Turret
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
634
Who:
Core 3
Good Job.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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