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I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
978
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1920
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4426
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1632
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1398
Who:
GLaDOS
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
20396
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2235
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1696
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1598
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1647
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1268
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2837
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1062
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1398
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it!
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1519
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1412
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1272
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32761
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
5038
Who:
GLaDOS
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
819
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4336
Who:
GLaDOS
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3733
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1296
Who:
GLaDOS
And...?
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4073
Who:
GLaDOS
But just work with me.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3648
Who:
GLaDOS
You're on your own.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1151
Who:
GLaDOS
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
967
Who:
GLaDOS
This is not good.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
656
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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