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I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1911
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4395
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1621
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1394
Who:
GLaDOS
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
20272
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2183
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1671
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1587
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1612
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1232
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2789
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it!
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1499
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1399
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1254
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32569
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4948
Who:
GLaDOS
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4317
Who:
GLaDOS
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3701
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1093
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1268
Who:
GLaDOS
And...?
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4041
Who:
GLaDOS
But just work with me.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3627
Who:
GLaDOS
You're on your own.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1142
Who:
GLaDOS
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
This is not good.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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