Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
1017
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2762
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1556
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23445
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
913
Who:
GLaDOS
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1067
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
2032
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1962
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1031
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4826
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1128
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
44752
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
47037
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7717
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
28671
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is awarded five points!
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1419
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5796
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
942
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue
Listens:
1769
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
One
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1334
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
953
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1372
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is penalized
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is penalized
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue receives
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
758
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1011
Who:
GLaDOS
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1462
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
2023
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1584
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1352
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1070
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1006
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
