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Portal 2
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To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2769
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
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700
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
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1242
Who:
Wheatley
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
441
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
What was that?
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
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361
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
484
Who:
Wheatley
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
950
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, doubt it.
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414
Who:
Wheatley
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1756
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2369
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7252
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2052
Who:
Wheatley
What?
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1398
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2268
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
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529
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
970
Who:
Wheatley
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1408
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
1010
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
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1171
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
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341
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, off you go!
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328
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
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310
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
On ya go.
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304
Who:
Wheatley
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
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327
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Okay...
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352
Who:
Wheatley
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
391
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
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336
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
965
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
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653
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
There she is...
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Wheatley
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
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305
Who:
Wheatley
I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
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328
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
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2909
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
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307
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
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335
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
996
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
7064
Who:
Wheatley
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3206
Who:
Wheatley
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
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