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Portal 2
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To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2793
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
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705
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Wheatley
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
What was that?
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
982
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1781
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2390
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7536
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2086
Who:
Wheatley
What?
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1408
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2281
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
547
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
972
Who:
Wheatley
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1414
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
1016
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
459
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1176
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
On ya go.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Okay...
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
980
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
536
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
There she is...
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2929
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
999
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
7168
Who:
Wheatley
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3222
Who:
Wheatley
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
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