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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1272
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7250
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
895
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1950
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15461
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
867
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3625
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
2753
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
37701
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6268
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5415
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1425
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7777
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3832
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
791
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1233
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1957
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10577
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
26698
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
762413
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1886
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2385
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5803
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1334
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7328
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3645
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
816
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1604
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
23712
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1882
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
37229
Who:
GLaDOS
It flew off.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2405
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2274
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
28792
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1965
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
133134
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
21369
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
54217
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
909
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4355
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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