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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1297
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7416
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1323
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1987
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15657
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3701
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
2832
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38277
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6377
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5479
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1506
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7952
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3989
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
898
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1315
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2010
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
936
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11156
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
27525
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
769904
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1944
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2443
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5883
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1376
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7733
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3669
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1618
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
24247
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1908
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
37893
Who:
GLaDOS
It flew off.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2468
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2325
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
29817
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1991
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
135132
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
21779
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
55370
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
931
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4413
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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