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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1323
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7536
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
966
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1351
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
940
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
2010
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15834
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
925
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3793
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
2879
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38695
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6441
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5517
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8137
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
4040
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1359
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2048
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
959
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11743
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
28109
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
776301
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1974
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2489
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5932
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
8065
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3702
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1639
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
24625
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1934
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
38446
Who:
GLaDOS
It flew off.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2509
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2353
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
30673
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
2008
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
136625
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
22056
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
56213
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
938
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4466
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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