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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7115
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1908
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15246
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3536
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
2686
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
37208
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6152
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5355
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1384
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7486
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3769
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1173
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1915
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10109
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
26106
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
754367
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1835
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2342
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5732
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1305
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7066
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3614
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
768
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1562
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
23306
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1848
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
36647
Who:
GLaDOS
It flew off.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2330
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2228
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
27714
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1918
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
131053
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
21081
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
53290
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4305
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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