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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1214
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6910
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
843
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1242
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1867
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14926
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3423
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
2621
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
36525
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5977
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5246
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7174
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3639
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1122
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1886
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
831
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
9646
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
25311
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
747411
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1804
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2308
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5607
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1280
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
6760
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3540
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1512
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
22746
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1787
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
35848
Who:
GLaDOS
It flew off.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2279
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2196
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
26575
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1886
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
128933
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
20600
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
52328
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4221
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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