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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Hooray!
Listens:
4928
Who:
Turret
Good.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5767
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1344
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue receives
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
927
Who:
Wheatley
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
28307
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1121
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1345
Who:
Defective Turret
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2888
Who:
Announcer
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
1573
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
435
Who:
Defective Turret
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
945
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
884
Who:
Announcer
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
537
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8946
Who:
Wheatley
I love space.
Listens:
1007
Who:
Core 1
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1177
Who:
Cave Johnson
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2415
Who:
Turret
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1407
Who:
Wheatley
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1505
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
532
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahahaha
Listens:
2077
Who:
Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
539
Who:
Core 3
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2307
Who:
Wheatley
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
19902
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Announcer
Dang.
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1350
Who:
Defective Turret
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1713
Who:
Wheatley
This isn't that hard.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4195
Who:
Announcer
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
426
Who:
Core 2
What are you doing?
Listens:
1034
Who:
Turret
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
573
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
20594
Who:
Core 1
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1232
Who:
Cave Johnson
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Announcer
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
655
Who:
Defective Turret
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2940
Who:
Core 3
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1386
Who:
Cave Johnson
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4171
Who:
Core 3
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2230
Who:
Defective Turret
This time...
Listens:
525
Who:
Defective Turret
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3029
Who:
Core 3
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1330
Who:
Wheatley
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3074
Who:
Cave Johnson
See you soon!
Listens:
830
Who:
Turret
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14858
Who:
Wheatley
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1059
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
987
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
989
Who:
Core 1
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1327
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks!
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1351
Who:
Wheatley
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6336
Who:
Wheatley
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
New template accepted.
Listens:
1392
Who:
Announcer
Quick, this way!
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6437
Who:
Announcer
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1527
Who:
Wheatley
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1260
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
49771
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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