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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
3125
Who:
Core 1
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
1055
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13839
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1677
Who:
Cave Johnson
Can't read.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
392
Who:
Defective Turret
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6901
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Please go to space.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 1
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Here I go!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1940
Who:
Caroline
Turrets!
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Core 1
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2228
Who:
Core 3
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4520
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1578
Who:
Core 3
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
468
Who:
Core 2
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2348
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is huge.
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
821
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, it hasn't done it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
605
Who:
Core 2
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Riggght now.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
1002
Who:
Core 1
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1761
Who:
GLaDOS
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2473
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3989
Who:
Announcer
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
521
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
953
Who:
Wheatley
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
Old.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
28497
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Core 3
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4423
Who:
Core 3
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1977
Who:
Turret
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
24091
Who:
Caroline
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11270
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Core 3
Undermines others.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
You KNOW her?
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1589
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Core 1
Goodbye
Listens:
8601
Who:
Turret
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2268
Who:
Wheatley
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
22302
Who:
Cave Johnson
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1988
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blah.
Listens:
1018
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3342
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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