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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
694
Who:
Defective Turret
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
NOT a team player.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Finish it...
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4264
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
4089
Who:
Turret
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
3858
Who:
Core 1
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1174
Who:
Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7334
Who:
Announcer
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
3075
Who:
Core 1
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1569
Who:
Core 3
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
43147
Who:
Turret
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1117
Who:
Core 1
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1202
Who:
Core 3
We are?
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 1
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1809
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Defective Turret
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1404
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue receives
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you bested me this time.
Listens:
386
Who:
Defective Turret
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 3
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
1022
Who:
Turret
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3676
Who:
Cave Johnson
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3461
Who:
Announcer
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 3
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2171
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
807
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5614
Who:
Core 2
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Hooray!
Listens:
4894
Who:
Turret
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1582
Who:
Defective Turret
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
20633
Who:
Wheatley
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2454
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1989
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10747
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye
Listens:
7787
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
504
Who:
Core 2
I swear I know him...
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
931
Who:
Defective Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 3
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1039
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
958
Who:
Core 3
Problems with authority.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
You both need to do something.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
711
Who:
Core 3
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1934
Who:
Cave Johnson
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
SPACE!
Listens:
20882
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3849
Who:
Wheatley
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronically late.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
26817
Who:
Announcer
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1024
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
371
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4189
Who:
Cave Johnson
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
891
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
418
Who:
Defective Turret
There. Try it now.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Cave Johnson
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1148
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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