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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa!
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
What was that?
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
775
Who:
Core 3
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8109
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2253
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
741
Who:
Defective Turret
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3555
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7764
Who:
Turret
Good!
Listens:
10807
Who:
Announcer
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1624
Who:
GLaDOS
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
800
Who:
Defective Turret
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Timid.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 2
I'm done.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1224
Who:
Wheatley
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
986
Who:
Defective Turret
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4923
Who:
Wheatley
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2084
Who:
Turret
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2797
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2485
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
9135
Who:
Announcer
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
773
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
2299
Who:
Turret
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4527
Who:
Core 3
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3695
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1107
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1921
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
874
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Um.
Listens:
541
Who:
Defective Turret
Space.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Core 1
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
892
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17089
Who:
Core 2
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2968
Who:
Core 3
Space...
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 2
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Defective Turret
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5694
Who:
Cave Johnson
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
11049
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4253
Who:
Core 3
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 3
Open the door!
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1638
Who:
Caroline
Put me down!
Listens:
984
Who:
Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1419
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1978
Who:
Core 1
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
26860
Who:
Core 2
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
952
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
764
Who:
Wheatley
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
1896
Who:
Core 1
Chronically late.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
388
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
912
Who:
Defective Turret
It won't.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
737
Who:
Core 3
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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