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Portal 2
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You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
848
Who:
Turret
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
21836
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
450
Who:
Defective Turret
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
394
Who:
Defective Turret
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3242
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
557
Who:
Defective Turret
Ignores directions.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1332
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Core 3
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2000
Who:
Caroline
I swear I know him...
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3060
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 2
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1795
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, this way
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
Anxious.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1737
Who:
GLaDOS
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
45948
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dang.
Listens:
561
Who:
Defective Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's try this again. Try to make your way across the machinery.
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
3786
Who:
Wheatley
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2296
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
4478
Who:
Wheatley
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
2881
Who:
Core 3
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
631
Who:
Core 3
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1282
Who:
Wheatley
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
2306
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3321
Who:
Announcer
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1298
Who:
GLaDOS
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5687
Who:
Wheatley
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
394
Who:
Core 2
Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?
Listens:
235
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
We have to get you out of there!
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1433
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2245
Who:
Wheatley
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1112
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
781
Who:
Turret
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5435
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1162
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
17645
Who:
GLaDOS
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
393
Who:
Defective Turret
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
What are you two doing?
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
1118
Who:
Turret
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
854
Who:
Core 2
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
636
Who:
Turret
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1912
Who:
Core 3
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2159
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
2767
Who:
Caroline
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
789
Who:
Announcer
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1454
Who:
Core 3
Lacks empathy.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1789
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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