Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Defective Turret
Always sulking.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
975
Who:
Core 2
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1247
Who:
Cave Johnson
Standing down.
Listens:
412
Who:
Defective Turret
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1446
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Try it now.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Narcissist.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8517
Who:
Wheatley
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Core 1
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you get out?
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2327
Who:
Defective Turret
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Back again!
Listens:
985
Who:
Defective Turret
Facial grimacing.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1915
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1406
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38318
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4520
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
737
Who:
Turret
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3672
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2465
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
1047
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
GET IN!
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11870
Who:
Announcer
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 2
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Come back!
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2750
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5565
Who:
Core 1
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3755
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1500
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
1002
Who:
Core 1
Hey! How's it going? Here I am again!
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4426
Who:
Announcer
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Firing
Listens:
737
Who:
Turret
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
Always cold.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1765
Who:
GLaDOS
NOT a team player.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2183
Who:
Cave Johnson
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
478
Who:
Defective Turret
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
625
Who:
Core 3
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
444
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't breathe...
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
Stay back.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Fears conflict.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18754
Who:
Core 1
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3735
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1387
Who:
GLaDOS
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3690
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!