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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14926
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1191
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 3
Goodbye!
Listens:
3099
Who:
Turret
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2590
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
941
Who:
Wheatley
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 3
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1931
Who:
Cave Johnson
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on in there?
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5404
Who:
Core 1
Oh dear.
Listens:
850
Who:
Turret
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3098
Who:
Cave Johnson
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 3
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
167961
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
This way! This way!
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
938
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12359
Who:
Defective Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
507
Who:
Core 3
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
17714
Who:
Cave Johnson
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
830
Who:
Announcer
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
995
Who:
Defective Turret
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2766
Who:
Wheatley
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
249
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
This is trouble.
Listens:
842
Who:
Defective Turret
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2138
Who:
Turret
There you are
Listens:
2333
Who:
Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1288
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! How long's the door been open?
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me in, plug me in!
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Cave Johnson
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1639
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ugh!
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Agghh!
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1184
Who:
GLaDOS
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
681
Who:
Defective Turret
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1280
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
3803
Who:
Core 1
Agh!
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
19351
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Has irritating opinions.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1804
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1050
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
924
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
Enh!
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Well played.
Listens:
392
Who:
Defective Turret
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1800
Who:
Cave Johnson
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1172
Who:
Announcer
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
524
Who:
Core 3
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
787
Who:
Wheatley
Owwww!
Listens:
887
Who:
Turret
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6360
Who:
Core 1
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
966
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks empathy.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6064
Who:
Turret
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
875
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1367
Who:
Core 1
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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