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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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(excited gasps)
Listens:
1625
Who:
Core 1
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1244
Who:
Core 3
I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
You can't give up now.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
826
Who:
Turret
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
571
Who:
Defective Turret
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw, come on!
Listens:
701
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1993
Who:
Wheatley
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8390
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
682
Who:
Wheatley
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
963
Who:
Defective Turret
Not so fast!
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2351
Who:
Core 2
Busybody.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1670
Who:
Core 1
Do not press that button!
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1808
Who:
Core 3
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Good shot!
Listens:
771
Who:
Turret
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
73362
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2318
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10563
Who:
Cave Johnson
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5658
Who:
Cave Johnson
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
577
Who:
Defective Turret
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
One moment.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
645
Who:
Defective Turret
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried.
Listens:
856
Who:
Defective Turret
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1555
Who:
Core 1
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1586
Who:
Core 3
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1216
Who:
Defective Turret
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2039
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
One
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Defective Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1284
Who:
Announcer
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1658
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2516
Who:
Wheatley
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1408
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
919
Who:
Defective Turret
Lacks empathy.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1235
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10349
Who:
Announcer
Histrionic.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
887
Who:
Turret
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1345
Who:
Core 1
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
452
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3989
Who:
Announcer
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4333
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go!
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Core 3
Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1775
Who:
Wheatley
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
908
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Wheatley
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
29808
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
484
Who:
Wheatley
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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