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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Core 1
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
Not getting better with age!
Listens:
517
Who:
Defective Turret
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6148
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2486
Who:
Turret
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
838
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
939
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Nap time
Listens:
3412
Who:
Turret
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1301
Who:
GLaDOS
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1310
Who:
Core 3
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
There she is...
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4156
Who:
GLaDOS
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1634
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
24306
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
904
Who:
Core 1
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4292
Who:
Core 2
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1111
Who:
Core 1
Oh, come on!
Listens:
609
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahahaha
Listens:
2125
Who:
Turret
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1538
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please stop.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Turret
NO!
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1193
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
968
Who:
Announcer
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
801
Who:
Core 3
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1018
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2755
Who:
Announcer
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2987
Who:
Turret
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
753
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
2826
Who:
Announcer
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
381
Who:
Defective Turret
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1928
Who:
Wheatley
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
964
Who:
GLaDOS
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Template
Listens:
3173
Who:
Announcer
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8992
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
Stop it!
Listens:
5555
Who:
GLaDOS
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3573
Who:
Cave Johnson
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
770765
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3322
Who:
Wheatley
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Wheatley
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
965
Who:
Announcer
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2279
Who:
Turret
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
500
Who:
Defective Turret
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
441
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10340
Who:
Announcer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 1
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Right behind me.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9922
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
31912
Who:
Core 2
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1266
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2640
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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