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Portal 2
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You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3701
Who:
Cave Johnson
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1596
Who:
Announcer
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7619
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1837
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1272
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1364
Who:
GLaDOS
That is not part of the test.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
875
Who:
Core 3
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4482
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Moody.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
963
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang.
Listens:
585
Who:
Defective Turret
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
3027
Who:
Core 3
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
565
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1859
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3884
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5506
Who:
Core 1
Goodnight
Listens:
5929
Who:
Turret
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
453
Who:
Defective Turret
This isn't that hard.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Well played.
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
901
Who:
Wheatley
Agh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Illegal operation
Listens:
1198
Who:
Turret
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2355
Who:
Core 2
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1377
Who:
Defective Turret
She is a gem.
Listens:
3087
Who:
Cave Johnson
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1268
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent work.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1618
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
972
Who:
Turret
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3617
Who:
Turret
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1502
Who:
Cave Johnson
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Turret
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Core 1
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
2932
Who:
Turret
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
126403
Who:
Cave Johnson
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4080
Who:
Announcer
What are you doing?
Listens:
1069
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Core 1
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
462
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1114
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4161
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
946
Who:
Turret
Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
For safety.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 2
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1647
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Core 1
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
50400
Who:
Cave Johnson
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1078
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on! Come on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
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