Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3205
Who:
Cave Johnson
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1240
Who:
GLaDOS
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3211
Who:
Defective Turret
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2191
Who:
Core 3
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
887
Who:
Announcer
Do it!
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2945
Who:
Core 3
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye
Listens:
7851
Who:
Turret
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1680
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1105
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
998
Who:
Core 1
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7708
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6167
Who:
Cave Johnson
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
You can't die in any of those ways.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1562
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1217
Who:
Turret
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
910
Who:
Core 3
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
645
Who:
Core 2
Ahh. What?
Listens:
879
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1311
Who:
Core 2
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
821
Who:
GLaDOS
Undermines others.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4221
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! How long's the door been open?
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
That's horrible.
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
978
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5405
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1336
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
850
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6176
Who:
Wheatley
NOT a team player.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
872
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
450
Who:
Defective Turret
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
2016
Who:
GLaDOS
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
445
Who:
Core 2
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
5042
Who:
Wheatley
Wet blanket.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
934
Who:
Turret
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
46810
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
541
Who:
Core 2
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
909
Who:
Wheatley
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4288
Who:
Announcer
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
540
Who:
Core 2
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1497
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
1298
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
27340
Who:
Announcer
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2216
Who:
Turret
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
574
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
NO.
Listens:
2022
Who:
GLaDOS
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2412
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 3
Orange is awarded five points!
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1278
Who:
Turret
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1218
Who:
Cave Johnson
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Announcer
I swear I know him...
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1973
Who:
Announcer
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
976
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
920
Who:
Wheatley
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1078
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
