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Portal 2
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You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
798
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
649
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2229
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Careful. Let me light this jump for you
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Wet blanket.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1073
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
35849
Who:
Core 1
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2315
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
502
Who:
Defective Turret
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
It flew off.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1690
Who:
GLaDOS
Sollllve it...
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5496
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
There it is.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7772
Who:
Turret
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1083
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ooagh!
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
22764
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
975
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it!
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
These things happen.
Listens:
3498
Who:
Turret
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
949
Who:
Wheatley
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
3062
Who:
Announcer
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggggh!
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
I hate you so much.
Listens:
14119
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2208
Who:
Announcer
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
792
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
579
Who:
Defective Turret
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Butterfingers.
Listens:
4026
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2184
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
902
Who:
Turret
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
36463
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
651
Who:
Core 2
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
OW!
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
Nap time
Listens:
3443
Who:
Turret
We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1872
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
Anxious.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1630
Who:
Defective Turret
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1132
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent work.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
5098
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
This way! This way!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Come back!
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Please ping a white portalable surface.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2303
Who:
GLaDOS
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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