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Portal 2
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You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3227
Who:
Turret
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1327
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
653
Who:
Core 3
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
We have to get you out of that room!
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6638
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1334
Who:
Caroline
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 3
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1496
Who:
Core 1
Failure...
Listens:
1627
Who:
Turret
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
You both need to do something.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
740
Who:
Core 3
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3432
Who:
Announcer
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh...
Listens:
426
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
901
Who:
Wheatley
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
795
Who:
Core 3
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3437
Who:
Cave Johnson
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
19354
Who:
GLaDOS
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3469
Who:
Announcer
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
42341
Who:
Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2467
Who:
Wheatley
I hate you so much.
Listens:
12504
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
708
Who:
Defective Turret
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1462
Who:
Announcer
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1484
Who:
Wheatley
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not do it!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
970
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1556
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1550
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
579
Who:
Defective Turret
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1175
Who:
Core 3
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1482
Who:
Cave Johnson
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1489
Who:
Defective Turret
Let's try this again. Try to make your way across the machinery.
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4114
Who:
Turret
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm different...
Listens:
66626
Who:
Turret
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1516
Who:
Wheatley
Come closer.
Listens:
654
Who:
Turret
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
691
Who:
Defective Turret
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3411
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
679
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks!
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1442
Who:
Core 1
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1905
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
419
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange receives
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
969
Who:
Wheatley
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
17724
Who:
Caroline
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
508
Who:
Core 2
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
656
Who:
Wheatley
Dull expression.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. Lights on.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
256
Who:
Wheatley
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
995
Who:
Defective Turret
No!
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
70591
Who:
GLaDOS
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1454
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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