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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
26383
Who:
Caroline
Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Um, hello?
Listens:
1353
Who:
Turret
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
779
Who:
Defective Turret
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1606
Who:
Core 3
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
19740
Who:
Wheatley
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2397
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1842
Who:
Caroline
For safety.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2224
Who:
Core 2
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1214
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1267
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2115
Who:
Caroline
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4264
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2194
Who:
Announcer
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2203
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
450
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1315
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Facial grimacing.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
2707
Who:
Announcer
It won't be enough.
Listens:
999
Who:
Turret
Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Lawl
Listens:
86896
Who:
Turret
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
Never completes work.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Okay!
Listens:
395
Who:
Defective Turret
The end?
Listens:
1182
Who:
GLaDOS
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1399
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Wheatley
I'm different...
Listens:
67616
Who:
Turret
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6111
Who:
Cave Johnson
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
70154
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
2688
Who:
Wheatley
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
2011
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey!
Listens:
822
Who:
Turret
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
985
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
2002
Who:
Turret
I don't blame you
Listens:
23556
Who:
Turret
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Core 1
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
18784
Who:
Core 1
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
3757
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
Why...
Listens:
2783
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
Stubborn.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1526
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
522
Who:
Core 3
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1486
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
OW.
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
This door's actually pretty complicated.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1347
Who:
Caroline
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2140
Who:
Core 2
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1940
Who:
Wheatley
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
18227
Who:
Cave Johnson
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1563
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1475
Who:
Core 1
Fact not found.
Listens:
731
Who:
Core 3
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7486
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2380
Who:
Core 1
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2879
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3260
Who:
GLaDOS
Egotistical.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3497
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1061
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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