Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1554
Who:
Announcer
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
19611
Who:
Core 1
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
942
Who:
Wheatley
Deploying
Listens:
3083
Who:
Turret
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
Charmless.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
742
Who:
Core 1
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Probably.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1191
Who:
Core 3
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3256
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5307
Who:
Core 1
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
981
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1286
Who:
Wheatley
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1635
Who:
Wheatley
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Announcer
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1190
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 1
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1559
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronically late.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2650
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
2036
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1179
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
Goodbye!
Listens:
3492
Who:
Turret
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1730
Who:
Core 2
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3396
Who:
Core 2
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
876
Who:
Defective Turret
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
1249
Who:
Turret
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
517
Who:
Defective Turret
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
677
Who:
Core 3
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9127
Who:
Wheatley
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
22687
Who:
Announcer
Hostile to new ideas.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1930
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1147
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1796
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, get moving.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11854
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Wheatley
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
1038
Who:
Core 2
Do not press that button!
Listens:
859
Who:
Wheatley
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
916
Who:
Core 3
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1353
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1424
Who:
Wheatley
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
1001
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1947
Who:
Announcer
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
891
Who:
Core 3
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Listens:
23001
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go?
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
Try something.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1679
Who:
Core 1
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
964
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks!
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1163
Who:
Core 1
I hate you so much.
Listens:
14172
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!