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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3973
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
2456
Who:
Turret
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4236
Who:
Core 3
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2697
Who:
Announcer
Agh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3748
Who:
GLaDOS
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2622
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
2144
Who:
Defective Turret
Not getting better with age!
Listens:
520
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7524
Who:
Cave Johnson
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1717
Who:
Defective Turret
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1214
Who:
Announcer
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
820
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6404
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
No hard fealings
Listens:
1093
Who:
Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
I want to be plugged in, please!
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4344
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4893
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1408
Who:
Defective Turret
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8725
Who:
Turret
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
590
Who:
Core 3
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
1015
Who:
Core 1
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1295
Who:
Announcer
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1178
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2393
Who:
Cave Johnson
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
36049
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
647
Who:
Core 3
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6544
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
4016
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
968
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
22386
Who:
Announcer
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1996
Who:
GLaDOS
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1163
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
846
Who:
Defective Turret
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1302
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Core 3
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
866
Who:
Core 3
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1861
Who:
Core 3
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1626
Who:
Core 3
Activated
Listens:
2701
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2335
Who:
Defective Turret
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2355
Who:
Core 2
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't blame you
Listens:
24425
Who:
Turret
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1111
Who:
Wheatley
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3874
Who:
Core 1
Narcissist.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, what?
Listens:
451
Who:
Defective Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
906
Who:
Core 3
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3356
Who:
Cave Johnson
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1769
Who:
Wheatley
Get mad!
Listens:
34869
Who:
Turret
Excuse me?
Listens:
867
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2046
Who:
Announcer
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
8917
Who:
Announcer
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
4019
Who:
Core 2
There.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
2060
Who:
Turret
Lactose intolerant.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
466
Who:
Defective Turret
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2468
Who:
GLaDOS
No variances detected.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7273
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
772958
Who:
GLaDOS
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1381
Who:
Wheatley
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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