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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5162
Who:
Core 1
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1353
Who:
Caroline
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2129
Who:
Announcer
Orange is awarded five points!
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
38488
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
3011
Who:
Announcer
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1488
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2003
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
483
Who:
Defective Turret
Um.
Listens:
477
Who:
Defective Turret
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1860
Who:
GLaDOS
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
676
Who:
Turret
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3639
Who:
Announcer
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2307
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2900
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
852
Who:
Core 3
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1843
Who:
Core 3
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
54215
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
18937
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10444
Who:
Turret
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
856
Who:
Core 3
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
902
Who:
Announcer
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3625
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space.
Listens:
1018
Who:
Core 1
Uh oh.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2158
Who:
Wheatley
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1778
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
4907
Who:
Turret
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1813
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
691
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
735
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1311
Who:
Core 3
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1240
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
451
Who:
Defective Turret
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
978
Who:
Core 1
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7179
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1536
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1728
Who:
Wheatley
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
1958
Who:
Wheatley
Ungh!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2700
Who:
Cave Johnson
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
The end?
Listens:
1200
Who:
GLaDOS
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
568
Who:
Core 2
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
713
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
983
Who:
Defective Turret
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Wheatley
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
980
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3585
Who:
Announcer
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1597
Who:
Turret
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6524
Who:
Core 3
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2199
Who:
Core 3
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1694
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1405
Who:
Caroline
Surprise.
Listens:
6048
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2286
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space? SPACE!
Listens:
23233
Who:
Core 1
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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