Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1285
Who:
Core 1
NO!
Listens:
778
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2365
Who:
Cave Johnson
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
877
Who:
Announcer
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Do it!
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
9370
Who:
Turret
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
657
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1135
Who:
Turret
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
There it is.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1345
Who:
Defective Turret
Stay still, please.
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
33528
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
The other? Well...
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3373
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
896
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
890
Who:
Turret
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7699
Who:
Core 2
Thank you!
Listens:
4622
Who:
Turret
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1938
Who:
GLaDOS
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1952
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
777
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
393
Who:
Defective Turret
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1223
Who:
Announcer
Whee!
Listens:
2200
Who:
Turret
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5773
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21323
Who:
Wheatley
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going? Here I am again!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1584
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3394
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2958
Who:
Announcer
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
2427
Who:
Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
31765
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
538
Who:
Wheatley
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Listens:
32366
Who:
Cave Johnson
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
800
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1030
Who:
Core 1
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1793
Who:
GLaDOS
Martyr.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space.
Listens:
1731
Who:
Core 1
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1114
Who:
Core 3
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
1041
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
878
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
732
Who:
Turret
Stubborn.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4094
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
486
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2443
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
