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Portal 2
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You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1105
Who:
Core 3
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8911
Who:
Caroline
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1141
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
758
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1132
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2811
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
619
Who:
Defective Turret
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
249
Who:
Wheatley
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3582
Who:
Announcer
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
238
Who:
Wheatley
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1435
Who:
GLaDOS
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1952
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
521
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
4521
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6639
Who:
Announcer
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
419
Who:
Core 2
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
990
Who:
Announcer
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1135
Who:
Core 3
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
I was confident you could finish.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1137
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1948
Who:
Defective Turret
You win.
Listens:
1165
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
Problems with authority.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1235
Who:
Caroline
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
29975
Who:
GLaDOS
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3167
Who:
Core 1
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1231
Who:
Turret
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
3786
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Listens:
340
Who:
Defective Turret
See that?
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6215
Who:
Core 1
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1088
Who:
Wheatley
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
830
Who:
Defective Turret
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
809
Who:
Wheatley
[clap clap]
Listens:
20001
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
898
Who:
Core 3
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1201
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1885
Who:
Wheatley
GO.
Listens:
935
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6789
Who:
Cave Johnson
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
975
Who:
Defective Turret
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1030
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1217
Who:
Core 1
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
15575
Who:
Announcer
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
26327
Who:
GLaDOS
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1042
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
742
Who:
Core 1
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Announcer
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
636
Who:
Turret
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
986
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
579
Who:
Core 1
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
235
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3064
Who:
Announcer
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5377
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9303
Who:
Announcer
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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