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Portal 2
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I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1009
Who:
Wheatley
Cheater.
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
47341
Who:
Cave Johnson
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1988
Who:
Wheatley
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12111
Who:
Core 1
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Think about this.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1965
Who:
Core 3
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
829
Who:
Announcer
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
515
Who:
Core 3
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
932
Who:
Cave Johnson
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1495
Who:
GLaDOS
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3098
Who:
Cave Johnson
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
756
Who:
Defective Turret
Agh!
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
504
Who:
Defective Turret
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Are you testing me?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
27356
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 2
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
577
Who:
Core 3
Can I help you?
Listens:
868
Who:
Turret
Irritable.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Listens:
249
Who:
Wheatley
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
The other? Well...
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...
Listens:
256
Who:
Wheatley
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
406
Who:
Defective Turret
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Alright.
Listens:
342
Who:
Defective Turret
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3227
Who:
Turret
NO!
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1737
Who:
Announcer
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
GAH!
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
17719
Who:
Caroline
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
767
Who:
Wheatley
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3731
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Don't move!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1064
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
901
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1309
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4267
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1796
Who:
Core 3
Lawl
Listens:
85646
Who:
Turret
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
414
Who:
Core 2
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1247
Who:
Core 1
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
52328
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
569
Who:
Core 3
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Ugh!
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3671
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
661
Who:
Defective Turret
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3411
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
993
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5972
Who:
Cave Johnson
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6910
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1158
Who:
Core 2
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
535
Who:
Defective Turret
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1604
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5246
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2089
Who:
Announcer
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2310
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
612
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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