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Portal 2
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You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Wheatley
You're better than that.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2273
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
960
Who:
Core 3
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
961
Who:
Wheatley
You can't give up now.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Come to gloat?
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
3063
Who:
Core 3
Press the button again.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1293
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3731
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1158
Who:
Wheatley
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
For your test.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2349
Who:
GLaDOS
Die!
Listens:
1599
Who:
Defective Turret
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9633
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
350
Who:
Defective Turret
Ungh!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1177
Who:
Turret
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1563
Who:
Turret
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
836
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1136
Who:
Cave Johnson
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1441
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1643
Who:
Defective Turret
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2495
Who:
Core 3
OW...
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1842
Who:
Core 1
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Resting
Listens:
637
Who:
Turret
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
704
Who:
Core 2
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2349
Who:
Core 3
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Try it now.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2141
Who:
GLaDOS
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2655
Who:
Cave Johnson
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1748
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
444
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1554
Who:
GLaDOS
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1821
Who:
Core 3
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2480
Who:
Announcer
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
935
Who:
Turret
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
993
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2098
Who:
Cave Johnson
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
30904
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
742
Who:
Core 3
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2033
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1380
Who:
Caroline
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6740
Who:
Wheatley
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
381
Who:
Defective Turret
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1150
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
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