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Portal 2
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Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
663
Who:
Core 1
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1334
Who:
Announcer
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3989
Who:
Announcer
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1627
Who:
Wheatley
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1280
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2108
Who:
Wheatley
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1618
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1769
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1214
Who:
Announcer
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3829
Who:
GLaDOS
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
There she is...
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3727
Who:
Announcer
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
964
Who:
Defective Turret
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2648
Who:
Turret
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3573
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7967
Who:
Wheatley
Ungh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
87137
Who:
GLaDOS
No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
695
Who:
Wheatley
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
22511
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1411
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
996
Who:
Announcer
Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
5038
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Core 1
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 2
What are you...
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1046
Who:
Core 1
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Cave Johnson
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5909
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1411
Who:
Wheatley
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
480
Who:
Defective Turret
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1284
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1359
Who:
Turret
Earth.
Listens:
1734
Who:
Core 1
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Announcer
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1455
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1905
Who:
GLaDOS
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
993
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1420
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1557
Who:
Core 1
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2307
Who:
Core 1
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1598
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
742
Who:
Core 2
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2837
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1920
Who:
GLaDOS
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1497
Who:
GLaDOS
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh]
Listens:
41332
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1648
Who:
Announcer
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
22385
Who:
Announcer
Carry on.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1575
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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