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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2130
Who:
Caroline
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34232
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1934
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2143
Who:
Wheatley
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1120
Who:
GLaDOS
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
948
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7470
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 3
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1605
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4872
Who:
GLaDOS
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2914
Who:
Announcer
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17963
Who:
Core 3
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
19875
Who:
GLaDOS
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
704
Who:
Wheatley
I was confident you could finish.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2447
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
803
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1377
Who:
Wheatley
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
372048
Who:
Core 1
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
464
Who:
Defective Turret
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Wheatley
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1780
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space.
Listens:
984
Who:
Core 1
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Cave Johnson
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Enh!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
3927
Who:
Announcer
Problems with authority.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
37582
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, it hasn't done it.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9295
Who:
Caroline
Hold on...
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Hooray!
Listens:
4956
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1015
Who:
Core 1
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1508
Who:
Core 1
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1045
Who:
Wheatley
Hey!
Listens:
841
Who:
Turret
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
917
Who:
Wheatley
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Cryptic.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1240
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3253
Who:
Announcer
For safety.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1992
Who:
Cave Johnson
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1658
Who:
Core 2
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14221
Who:
Wheatley
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
980
Who:
Core 1
Aggggh!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1601
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1362
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
860
Who:
Defective Turret
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2293
Who:
Core 3
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
660
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want this!
Listens:
19018
Who:
Caroline
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
943
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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