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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1118
Who:
Wheatley
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
827
Who:
Core 3
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
I love space.
Listens:
1046
Who:
Core 1
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32931
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6106
Who:
GLaDOS
This door's actually pretty complicated.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
702
Who:
Core 2
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1282
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3379
Who:
Core 2
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
18987
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
520
Who:
Core 2
Ah, come on!
Listens:
464
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2096
Who:
Turret
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
961
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2997
Who:
Turret
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18836
Who:
Core 1
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
933
Who:
Announcer
Keep moving, keep moving...
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4217
Who:
Defective Turret
You can't give up now.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
898
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
5010
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
101557
Who:
Defective Turret
You did it!
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
995
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2071
Who:
Wheatley
Procrastinator.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1257
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3929
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5750
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
447
Who:
Core 2
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2097
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
28989
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1427
Who:
Caroline
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3567
Who:
GLaDOS
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
769
Who:
Turret
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2778
Who:
Core 1
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
32077
Who:
Core 2
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
652
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
552
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2756
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
459
Who:
Wheatley
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1589
Who:
Core 3
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3235
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3746
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10810
Who:
Announcer
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4931
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
843
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14519
Who:
Wheatley
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1079
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
583
Who:
Core 2
No hard fealings
Listens:
1097
Who:
Turret
Think about this.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue receives
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
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