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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
Never completes work.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2888
Who:
Announcer
Open the door!
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
913
Who:
Announcer
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7638
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1212
Who:
Turret
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Dull expression.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1023
Who:
Announcer
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1113
Who:
Wheatley
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1074
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
813
Who:
Core 3
Ohhhhhh!
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Gah!
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks empathy.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue
Listens:
1753
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1756
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1422
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1448
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1552
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6832
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
935
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3523
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20466
Who:
Defective Turret
Help!
Listens:
824
Who:
Turret
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1333
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
861
Who:
Turret
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1841
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Wheatley
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
868
Who:
Announcer
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
655
Who:
Defective Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
891
Who:
Announcer
Fact not found.
Listens:
736
Who:
Core 3
I am!
Listens:
3032
Who:
Caroline
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2116
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1369
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
524
Who:
Defective Turret
How was that?
Listens:
355
Who:
Defective Turret
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
834
Who:
Core 3
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3222
Who:
Wheatley
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1033
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
759001
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
556
Who:
Defective Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11400
Who:
Announcer
It worked!
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1357
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
971
Who:
Core 1
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1006
Who:
Cave Johnson
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13197
Who:
GLaDOS
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
31074
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8521
Who:
Turret
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
132221
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
898
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you!
Listens:
4622
Who:
Turret
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2281
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, safe travels, there.
Listens:
374
Who:
Defective Turret
OW!
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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