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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Good!
Listens:
10690
Who:
Announcer
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Good shot!
Listens:
759
Who:
Turret
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 2
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2168
Who:
Cave Johnson
AHH!
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1378
Who:
Turret
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
But just work with me.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
And...?
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1061
Who:
Defective Turret
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
768
Who:
Defective Turret
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Is that camera is hooked into the lock?
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Core 1
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
1878
Who:
Core 1
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3303
Who:
Wheatley
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
866
Who:
Core 3
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2093
Who:
Turret
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
726
Who:
Defective Turret
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2950
Who:
Wheatley
SPACE!
Listens:
21371
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
9606
Who:
Turret
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4680
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6336
Who:
Turret
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Careful. Let me light this jump for you
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
981
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1083
Who:
GLaDOS
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
My fault
Listens:
1274
Who:
Turret
Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
Timid.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
903
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Response
Listens:
2778
Who:
Announcer
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
2765
Who:
Wheatley
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1793
Who:
Cave Johnson
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5817
Who:
Wheatley
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
420
Who:
Core 2
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1475
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
669
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
965
Who:
Wheatley
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1621
Who:
Core 1
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
930
Who:
Core 3
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Defective Turret
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
23662
Who:
Caroline
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
945
Who:
Announcer
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
501
Who:
Defective Turret
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Emotional problems.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
728
Who:
Turret
Allright, what have we got?
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1359
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
938
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
105247
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4986
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
So whatever you're doing, keep doing it!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1244
Who:
Wheatley
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1495
Who:
Core 3
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
471
Who:
Defective Turret
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
37612
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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