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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Hello!
Listens:
11590
Who:
Turret
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
791
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4242
Who:
Core 3
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
Martyr.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
395
Who:
Core 2
She was provoking you.
Listens:
760
Who:
Turret
ow.
Listens:
446
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1543
Who:
Core 2
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1279
Who:
Caroline
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1172
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
6263
Who:
Announcer
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2075
Who:
Core 2
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
There it is.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
1171
Who:
Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
207035
Who:
Core 1
AHH!
Listens:
1129
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3106
Who:
Turret
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Turret
Deploying
Listens:
2783
Who:
Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
699
Who:
Core 3
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
976
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3088
Who:
GLaDOS
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3245
Who:
GLaDOS
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
668
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
1273
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
655
Who:
Core 3
Good Job.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
618
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Has irritating opinions.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
473
Who:
Defective Turret
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
51066
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1460
Who:
GLaDOS
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
145140
Who:
Cave Johnson
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
What'd I hit?
Listens:
334
Who:
Defective Turret
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
773
Who:
Defective Turret
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1349
Who:
Core 3
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Core 3
Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Quick, this way!
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1285
Who:
Wheatley
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3146
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on.
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1493
Who:
GLaDOS
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3060
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1966
Who:
Wheatley
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
375
Who:
Core 2
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you still there?
Listens:
53038
Who:
Turret
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3107
Who:
Turret
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2358
Who:
Turret
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
That is not part of the test.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4302
Who:
GLaDOS
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1477
Who:
Core 3
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
966
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
574
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8078
Who:
Caroline
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1454
Who:
Core 3
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10016
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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