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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 3
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
709
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Never flushes.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4035
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 1
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
45830
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
2006
Who:
Turret
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
645
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
What was that?
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
18907
Who:
Announcer
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1515
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent work.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1042
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
10344
Who:
Turret
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
464
Who:
Defective Turret
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Wheatley
Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1271
Who:
Turret
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
370658
Who:
Core 1
Riggght now.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1123
Who:
Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Core 3
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1874
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2384
Who:
Core 1
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1193
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1390
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1698
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
888
Who:
Turret
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
3762
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
675
Who:
Core 3
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
187408
Who:
Wheatley
I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Wow.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
971
Who:
Core 1
Chronically late.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
2844
Who:
Core 1
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7991
Who:
Cave Johnson
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1185
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
53163
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4278
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1150
Who:
GLaDOS
Hibernating
Listens:
848
Who:
Turret
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 3
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
933
Who:
Wheatley
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
31360
Who:
Core 2
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4777
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 3
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Cave Johnson
Lady.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 1
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
984
Who:
Core 1
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1499
Who:
Core 3
Stay back.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 3
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1247
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7050
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2710
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20349
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1531
Who:
GLaDOS
What'd I hit?
Listens:
360
Who:
Defective Turret
Nicely Done!
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
24900
Who:
Announcer
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2221
Who:
Defective Turret
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2409
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1057
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
I won't let you down!
Listens:
363
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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