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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2248
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
684
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1698
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3597
Who:
GLaDOS
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
214059
Who:
Core 1
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4824
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you two doing?
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Do it!
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Core 1
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5501
Who:
Core 1
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8397
Who:
Core 1
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 1
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25559
Who:
Core 1
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
964
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2561
Who:
Wheatley
Never flushes.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
863
Who:
Core 3
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
967
Who:
Announcer
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8706
Who:
Turret
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 3
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1947
Who:
Wheatley
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
32217
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Standing down.
Listens:
412
Who:
Defective Turret
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
945
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahahaha
Listens:
2125
Who:
Turret
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2474
Who:
Wheatley
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
5422
Who:
Wheatley
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8390
Who:
Cave Johnson
I am!
Listens:
1386
Who:
Caroline
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1622
Who:
Core 3
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Just get it off me...
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 2
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
five
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
103096
Who:
Core 1
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1610
Who:
Wheatley
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Wheatley
For your test.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2629
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 2
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1452
Who:
Core 1
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2159
Who:
Announcer
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1808
Who:
Core 3
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1275
Who:
Defective Turret
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
845
Who:
Defective Turret
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1576
Who:
Core 3
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
941
Who:
Wheatley
You did it!
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1589
Who:
Announcer
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2072
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1837
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1590
Who:
Wheatley
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
968
Who:
Announcer
GAH!
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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