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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2300
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3820
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1660
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
883
Who:
Defective Turret
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4382
Who:
Core 3
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3604
Who:
GLaDOS
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1649
Who:
Cave Johnson
Gah!
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
4147
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3912
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Core 3
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1946
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2806
Who:
Wheatley
Lawl
Listens:
87651
Who:
Turret
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3382
Who:
Core 1
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3044
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1855
Who:
Core 1
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2029
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
976
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you have there?
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
That is not part of the test.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3545
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
1098
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8328
Who:
Core 1
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2530
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2277
Who:
Core 1
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
717
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5264
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
697
Who:
Turret
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2959
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
20021
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
101122
Who:
Core 1
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Good shot!
Listens:
734
Who:
Turret
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
One moment.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
408
Who:
Core 2
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
727
Who:
Core 3
NO!
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
473
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2048
Who:
Wheatley
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Riggght now.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
There you are, reassembled again.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi again!
Listens:
912
Who:
Defective Turret
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1737
Who:
Cave Johnson
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
453
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1102
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4399
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1209
Who:
GLaDOS
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5315
Who:
GLaDOS
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2128
Who:
Caroline
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2718
Who:
Core 1
We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
976
Who:
Cave Johnson
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1508
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Run!
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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