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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
950
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Announcer
Get ready for it!
Listens:
347
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1813
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
789
Who:
Defective Turret
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
769
Who:
Core 2
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
538
Who:
Core 3
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2216
Who:
Defective Turret
Template
Listens:
2951
Who:
Announcer
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1338
Who:
Turret
Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1235
Who:
Core 1
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2274
Who:
Core 2
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
965
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7115
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
730
Who:
Core 2
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
Agh!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
21128
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm going to space.
Listens:
969
Who:
Core 1
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't give up now.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1871
Who:
Cave Johnson
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1212
Who:
Defective Turret
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
858
Who:
Announcer
Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
You can't die in any of those ways.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
532
Who:
Core 3
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2511
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
28070
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3174
Who:
Defective Turret
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6453
Who:
Core 3
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2342
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Listens:
360
Who:
Defective Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2142
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Cave Johnson
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
102957
Who:
Wheatley
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
210678
Who:
Core 1
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
644
Who:
Defective Turret
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
727
Who:
Turret
Let go!
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1559
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
45754
Who:
GLaDOS
But just work with me.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
22998
Who:
Turret
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4384
Who:
Core 3
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Wheatley
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
2686
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1548
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
354
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
874
Who:
Announcer
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Cave Johnson
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
792
Who:
Core 3
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
982
Who:
Core 1
Hello.
Listens:
4090
Who:
Turret
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
85043
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
413
Who:
Core 2
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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