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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Original Order
Random
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Try to jump across.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2096
Who:
Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 1
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
1025
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3785
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
107315
Who:
Wheatley
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2390
Who:
Wheatley
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
992
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2614
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1084
Who:
Cave Johnson
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2334
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
126843
Who:
Cave Johnson
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
She did all the work.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18147
Who:
Core 3
Thanks!
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
654528
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1563
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2351
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
761
Who:
Wheatley
There she is...
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6634
Who:
Core 1
Charmless.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. Lights on.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1550
Who:
GLaDOS
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
10625
Who:
Turret
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2557
Who:
Announcer
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
20188
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
783
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1918
Who:
Wheatley
DO press it.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Timid.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7577
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
964
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
1247
Who:
Turret
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
29213
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
961
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
757
Who:
Turret
Allright, what have we got?
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
[clap clap]
Listens:
22006
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Core 3
Uh oh.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3629
Who:
Turret
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1557
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2202
Who:
Wheatley
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
4055
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2545
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1427
Who:
Caroline
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3465
Who:
Core 1
Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Manipulative.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1654
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
376529
Who:
Core 1
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
994
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11683
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Core 1
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1088
Who:
Core 1
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4456
Who:
Announcer
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3706
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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