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Portal 2
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You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1301
Who:
GLaDOS
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2203
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1929
Who:
Wheatley
Alarmist.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5473
Who:
GLaDOS
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
32233
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1328
Who:
Announcer
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3723
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
684
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2987
Who:
Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2047
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
848
Who:
Defective Turret
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1063
Who:
Wheatley
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1817
Who:
Cave Johnson
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
2560
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
963
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
No variances detected.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Core 3
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Core 1
You win.
Listens:
1335
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
430
Who:
Core 2
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13956
Who:
Turret
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1297
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
Agghh!
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5501
Who:
Core 1
There she is...
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
855
Who:
Core 2
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
447
Who:
Defective Turret
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you reach that wall back there?
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2597
Who:
Wheatley
Progress report: Still pretty tricky!
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
21919
Who:
Core 1
Just turn around.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1622
Who:
Caroline
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1373
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
998
Who:
Core 1
Chronically late.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
21247
Who:
Turret
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5404
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Has irritating opinions.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
924
Who:
Wheatley
You can't die in any of those ways.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1193
Who:
Wheatley
Wet blanket.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Blue receives
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3437
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
1386
Who:
Caroline
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
24308
Who:
GLaDOS
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
475
Who:
Core 2
No sense of humor.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
[laughs]
Listens:
2489
Who:
Wheatley
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
968
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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