Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4771
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1359
Who:
Turret
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Ah!
Listens:
1664
Who:
Core 1
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
668
Who:
Turret
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1614
Who:
Core 1
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
933
Who:
Announcer
Old.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
48111
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10404
Who:
Announcer
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
730
Who:
Core 3
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
840
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1364
Who:
GLaDOS
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1816
Who:
Core 3
Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
87137
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4516
Who:
Core 3
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5723
Who:
Core 2
Insecure.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
2903
Who:
Core 1
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6161
Who:
Wheatley
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5909
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1682
Who:
Core 3
I never liked her.
Listens:
905
Who:
Turret
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
462491
Who:
Core 1
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
You're better than that.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
OW.
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1868
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7967
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2788
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Cave Johnson
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
557
Who:
Defective Turret
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3573
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 3
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1469
Who:
Core 3
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it!
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
This way! This way!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Can I help you?
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46349
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5103
Who:
Turret
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1723
Who:
Core 3
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
526
Who:
Core 2
Look!
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4073
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1856
Who:
GLaDOS
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1598
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 1
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
468
Who:
Core 2
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1072
Who:
Wheatley
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2108
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1382
Who:
Core 3
Try something.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1889
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
1126
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!