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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7600
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3672
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Core 1
And that makes 10.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5487
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
465
Who:
Defective Turret
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1714
Who:
Core 3
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4004
Who:
Core 1
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3978
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1347
Who:
Turret
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
3061
Who:
Announcer
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
There.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3816
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4384
Who:
Announcer
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1257
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6901
Who:
Wheatley
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3682
Who:
GLaDOS
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
1047
Who:
GLaDOS
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1091
Who:
Defective Turret
Briefly.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
688
Who:
Core 2
Ow!
Listens:
1011
Who:
Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2369
Who:
Announcer
Crap!
Listens:
1228
Who:
Defective Turret
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
963
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
50851
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1658
Who:
Announcer
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
942
Who:
Turret
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
18825
Who:
Caroline
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1988
Who:
Cave Johnson
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent work.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8000
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4156
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1607
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2479
Who:
Core 1
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1810
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1818
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
Going to space.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Core 1
Egotistical.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
414
Who:
Defective Turret
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1826
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Cave Johnson
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
523
Who:
Core 2
NO!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
716
Who:
Turret
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
19955
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Insecure.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
772
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6692
Who:
Announcer
ow.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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