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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
704
Who:
Wheatley
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1613
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1165
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
189303
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1422
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2005
Who:
Wheatley
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1011
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3743
Who:
Core 2
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
GET IN!
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
It flew off.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1627
Who:
Turret
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17987
Who:
Core 3
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
764
Who:
Core 3
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
825
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
28067
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
547
Who:
Defective Turret
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3628
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 3
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1435
Who:
Core 3
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Core 1
Let's go in!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
459
Who:
Defective Turret
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
741
Who:
Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
856
Who:
Core 3
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
760
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4260
Who:
Core 2
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2123
Who:
Cave Johnson
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm different...
Listens:
68499
Who:
Turret
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
34772
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1045
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1236
Who:
Core 1
Hello there!
Listens:
1655
Who:
Defective Turret
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4355
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8848
Who:
GLaDOS
Die!
Listens:
1625
Who:
Defective Turret
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1251
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1312
Who:
Core 2
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
917
Who:
Defective Turret
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4133
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, come on!
Listens:
562
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5032
Who:
Turret
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1382
Who:
Caroline
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25261
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6524
Who:
Core 3
There.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1223
Who:
Turret
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2015
Who:
Core 3
Did you do that on purpose?
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1201
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
942
Who:
GLaDOS
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me
Listens:
2074
Who:
Turret
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3273
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15461
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
Facial grimacing.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
932
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
1048
Who:
Turret
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