Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3235
Who:
Announcer
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4602
Who:
Cave Johnson
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
42780
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
340
Who:
Defective Turret
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
498
Who:
Core 2
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Ok... Here we go...
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4024
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
22183
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1086
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
511
Who:
Wheatley
Think about this.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4624
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1045
Who:
Cave Johnson
Let's go in!
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1726
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
4878
Who:
Core 1
Here I go!
Listens:
240
Who:
Wheatley
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
There.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
956
Who:
Turret
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
467
Who:
Defective Turret
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2349
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
926
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
671
Who:
Turret
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
439
Who:
Defective Turret
Do it!
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 3
Get in the lift.
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
569500
Who:
Core 1
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1270
Who:
Defective Turret
OW!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5807
Who:
Cave Johnson
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1010
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1123
Who:
GLaDOS
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
41230
Who:
GLaDOS
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
677
Who:
Turret
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
76178
Who:
Announcer
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
715
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1114
Who:
Turret
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2316
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1948
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Failure...
Listens:
1575
Who:
Turret
That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1473
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2678
Who:
Turret
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
24348
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 1
You did WHAT?
Listens:
2892
Who:
Wheatley
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
239
Who:
GLaDOS
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
998
Who:
Core 3
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1675
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
409
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2070
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
249
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, this way
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1405
Who:
Cave Johnson
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
919
Who:
Core 1
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
506
Who:
Defective Turret
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6659
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1724
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
1814
Who:
Announcer
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
760
Who:
Core 3
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
