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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1852
Who:
Core 1
Right behind me.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3589
Who:
GLaDOS
SPACE!
Listens:
21057
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1433
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Core 2
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1215
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4411
Who:
Core 3
That's the spirit!
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1400
Who:
Core 1
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4226
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9370
Who:
Turret
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7519
Who:
Wheatley
Can't read.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1394
Who:
Caroline
clickclickclick
Listens:
524
Who:
Defective Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4641
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1648
Who:
Core 2
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1469
Who:
Wheatley
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5798
Who:
Cave Johnson
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
441
Who:
Defective Turret
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
31075
Who:
GLaDOS
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1939
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry
Listens:
2810
Who:
Turret
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7190
Who:
GLaDOS
It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
469
Who:
Defective Turret
Do not press that button!
Listens:
521
Who:
Wheatley
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
18309
Who:
Cave Johnson
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
744
Who:
Turret
Agghh!
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, come on!
Listens:
441
Who:
Defective Turret
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1587
Who:
Core 3
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
526
Who:
Defective Turret
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1016
Who:
Core 3
Okay, this way
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10026
Who:
Announcer
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1548
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
525
Who:
Defective Turret
Histrionic.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1713
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1297
Who:
Announcer
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
746
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
1104
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25178
Who:
Core 1
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4703
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1059
Who:
Core 3
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1209
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2801
Who:
Wheatley
Stubborn.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1832
Who:
Core 3
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1215
Who:
Core 1
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1022
Who:
Defective Turret
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
New template accepted.
Listens:
1392
Who:
Announcer
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1033
Who:
GLaDOS
Cryptic.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1004
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4209
Who:
Wheatley
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1375
Who:
Wheatley
Deploying
Listens:
2990
Who:
Turret
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1797
Who:
Announcer
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1170
Who:
Wheatley
Good!
Listens:
10574
Who:
Announcer
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
45288
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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