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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
790
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4386
Who:
Turret
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2310
Who:
Announcer
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
736
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
567
Who:
Defective Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
8734
Who:
Announcer
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1380
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7801
Who:
Core 2
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2776
Who:
Cave Johnson
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
522
Who:
Defective Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1376
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 2
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
563
Who:
Defective Turret
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1037
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 1
Space...
Listens:
1298
Who:
Core 1
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
5007
Who:
Turret
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Core 1
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1069
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
901
Who:
Core 3
SPAAACE!
Listens:
51744
Who:
Core 1
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1387
Who:
Wheatley
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1333
Who:
Announcer
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 1
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Let go!
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 2
Chews with mouth open.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Announcer
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Space? SPACE!
Listens:
24197
Who:
Core 1
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3591
Who:
GLaDOS
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
22376
Who:
Wheatley
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
658
Who:
Core 3
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
882
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5717
Who:
Core 2
Hi again!
Listens:
941
Who:
Defective Turret
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1820
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
969
Who:
Announcer
clickclickclick
Listens:
560
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1198
Who:
Wheatley
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
103165
Who:
Core 1
It won't.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2814
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1284
Who:
Turret
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
998
Who:
Core 1
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Defective Turret
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1862
Who:
GLaDOS
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
780
Who:
Defective Turret
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1778
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1397
Who:
GLaDOS
Right behind me.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2983
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
943
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3101
Who:
Core 3
Ahh. What?
Listens:
907
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1386
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2350
Who:
Wheatley
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18099
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
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