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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Never on time.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
I made it all up.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3561
Who:
Announcer
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
556
Who:
Defective Turret
It flew off.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4206
Who:
GLaDOS
That's not funny.
Listens:
1728
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3535
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh dear.
Listens:
872
Who:
Turret
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Sollllve it...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
626
Who:
Core 2
AH!
Listens:
667
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh. What?
Listens:
859
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 1
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
2397
Who:
Turret
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
854
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1493
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2916
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8004
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2259
Who:
GLaDOS
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
3906
Who:
Announcer
I hate you so much.
Listens:
12893
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1312
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
149240
Who:
Cave Johnson
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
697
Who:
Core 2
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1232
Who:
Core 3
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
856
Who:
Defective Turret
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
455
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it!
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1920
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1518
Who:
Cave Johnson
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
You did very well.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1146
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1580
Who:
Defective Turret
Stubborn.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 3
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and that's what you do?
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Carry on.
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2033
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4348
Who:
Wheatley
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
OW!
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1094
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6783
Who:
Wheatley
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1493
Who:
Core 3
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1618
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
836
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1227
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
No variances detected.
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
484
Who:
Defective Turret
Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
928
Who:
Defective Turret
But that was worth it.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1320
Who:
Core 3
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1231
Who:
Announcer
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1054
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1311
Who:
GLaDOS
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1300
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Well played.
Listens:
401
Who:
Defective Turret
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
18621
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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