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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
26646
Who:
Caroline
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
843
Who:
Core 3
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
5790
Who:
Turret
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1576
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1404
Who:
Caroline
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
We have to get you out of that room!
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Critical error
Listens:
12960
Who:
Turret
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
[laughs]
Listens:
2428
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
75928
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
651
Who:
Core 1
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is penalized
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
838
Who:
Turret
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1657
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1478
Who:
Wheatley
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
SPAAACE!
Listens:
50711
Who:
Core 1
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3489
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1275
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
727
Who:
Core 3
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2945
Who:
Core 3
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1023
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1658
Who:
Core 2
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2650
Who:
Announcer
It's not, though.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
787
Who:
Core 1
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
974
Who:
Core 1
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1075
Who:
Defective Turret
Put me down!
Listens:
948
Who:
Turret
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4455
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7890
Who:
Announcer
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
912
Who:
Defective Turret
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2195
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
729
Who:
Defective Turret
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3205
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah, what?
Listens:
474
Who:
Defective Turret
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
108264
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
500
Who:
Defective Turret
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7227
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Lactose intolerant.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2866
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
These things happen.
Listens:
3436
Who:
Turret
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1424
Who:
Core 3
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1502
Who:
Wheatley
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Core 1
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10455
Who:
Cave Johnson
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1035
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
20714
Who:
Turret
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Timid.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1601
Who:
Wheatley
Good luck!
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
See you soon!
Listens:
836
Who:
Turret
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
27990
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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