Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
87137
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
764
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
685
Who:
Turret
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2842
Who:
GLaDOS
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 2
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1533
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1466
Who:
Core 3
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
This door's actually pretty complicated.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
468
Who:
Core 2
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2084
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
806
Who:
Defective Turret
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
48111
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2306
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 2
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1198
Who:
Turret
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1089
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Core 1
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4338
Who:
Turret
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3609
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1739
Who:
Cave Johnson
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
852
Who:
Core 3
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1245
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3220
Who:
Cave Johnson
NO!
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1765
Who:
GLaDOS
Martyr.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1006
Who:
Defective Turret
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Core 3
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
19587
Who:
Announcer
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
393
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3872
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1084
Who:
GLaDOS
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2372
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
727
Who:
Defective Turret
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3214
Who:
Wheatley
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space.
Listens:
1770
Who:
Core 1
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1682
Who:
Core 3
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1103
Who:
Wheatley
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1306
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3666
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7478
Who:
Core 1
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1995
Who:
Cave Johnson
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2293
Who:
Wheatley
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1879
Who:
Announcer
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
973
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1280
Who:
GLaDOS
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1576
Who:
GLaDOS
One
Listens:
810
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2393
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 3
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 1
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
407
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Agh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8413
Who:
Core 1
Agh!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!