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Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello there!
Listens:
1561
Who:
Defective Turret
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1787
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1797
Who:
Caroline
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1363
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1494
Who:
Turret
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
2984
Who:
Caroline
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
357
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2325
Who:
Caroline
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1368
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 2
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Defective Turret
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1071
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
678
Who:
Core 2
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
No can do.
Listens:
337
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhhhh!
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Think about this.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Unconstructive.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2440
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1422
Who:
Wheatley
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2155
Who:
Defective Turret
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
829
Who:
Announcer
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Cave Johnson
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
There she is...
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5976
Who:
Core 1
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
562
Who:
Core 3
For safety.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
819
Who:
Core 3
Surprise.
Listens:
5816
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3396
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
769
Who:
Core 3
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
245
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
2988
Who:
Core 1
Ahungh.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Stubborn.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1864
Who:
GLaDOS
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
405
Who:
Core 2
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1576
Who:
Core 3
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
823
Who:
Defective Turret
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
356
Who:
Defective Turret
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3272
Who:
Announcer
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1466
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2625
Who:
Wheatley
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
975
Who:
Wheatley
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
34319
Who:
Core 1
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1107
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
17615
Who:
Core 1
Come back!
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1202
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
996
Who:
Core 1
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1170
Who:
Announcer
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1488
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1938
Who:
GLaDOS
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4146
Who:
GLaDOS
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
480
Who:
Defective Turret
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
It worked!
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1286
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1718
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
790
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2808
Who:
Announcer
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
953
Who:
Wheatley
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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