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Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
3127
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1379
Who:
Caroline
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
474
Who:
Wheatley
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
871
Who:
Announcer
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1004
Who:
Core 1
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
707
Who:
Core 3
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1002
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 3
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
517
Who:
Core 2
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1698
Who:
Cave Johnson
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay! Don't move!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
You did very well.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23218
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
793
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1363
Who:
Caroline
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3044
Who:
Core 1
Die!
Listens:
1598
Who:
Defective Turret
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
909
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't understand!
Listens:
5575
Who:
Turret
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
506
Who:
Defective Turret
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1403
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
1082
Who:
Turret
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
71645
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1848
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1180
Who:
GLaDOS
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
38116
Who:
Wheatley
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1214
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me down!
Listens:
929
Who:
Turret
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2775
Who:
Wheatley
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1419
Who:
Cave Johnson
See you soon!
Listens:
815
Who:
Turret
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1039
Who:
Wheatley
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Alright.
Listens:
349
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8485
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4368
Who:
Announcer
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1039
Who:
GLaDOS
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Wheatley
How you doing down there? You still holding on?
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
21081
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
750
Who:
Core 3
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2108
Who:
Defective Turret
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
But just work with me.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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