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QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7575
Who:
Core 2
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Defective Turret
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
800
Who:
Wheatley
Did you do that on purpose?
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACE!
Listens:
49353
Who:
Core 1
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey
Listens:
868
Who:
Turret
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
33249
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
18284
Who:
Cave Johnson
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Surprise.
Listens:
5857
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't blame you
Listens:
23085
Who:
Turret
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
753
Who:
Turret
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1639
Who:
Cave Johnson
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3174
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3176
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1037
Who:
Announcer
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8592
Who:
Core 3
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5027
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2045
Who:
Announcer
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Announcer
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1810
Who:
Wheatley
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1644
Who:
Defective Turret
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
971
Who:
Cave Johnson
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
461
Who:
Wheatley
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2849
Who:
Core 3
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6733
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3204
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
412
Who:
Defective Turret
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
101294
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
872
Who:
Core 2
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2922
Who:
Core 1
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1150
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1293
Who:
Caroline
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
943
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Hurry!
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6600
Who:
Wheatley
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4201
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
784
Who:
Turret
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
955
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
970
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1194
Who:
Wheatley
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5468
Who:
Turret
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3731
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5391
Who:
Announcer
That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Announcer
Oh my.
Listens:
615
Who:
Turret
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
20600
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
2894
Who:
Caroline
Hey, safe travels, there.
Listens:
355
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
976
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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