Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1502
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2156
Who:
Core 2
Never shares.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1634
Who:
Wheatley
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
3046
Who:
Caroline
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1569
Who:
Announcer
Hey.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Core 1
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
431
Who:
Defective Turret
[laugh]
Listens:
40336
Who:
Cave Johnson
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20545
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1767
Who:
Wheatley
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
838
Who:
Turret
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
639
Who:
Defective Turret
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Always cold.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3820
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1614
Who:
Core 1
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3603
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3253
Who:
Announcer
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4725
Who:
Wheatley
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6252
Who:
GLaDOS
I want to be plugged in, please!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
660
Who:
Core 2
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Busybody.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
2024
Who:
Turret
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1556
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1370
Who:
Wheatley
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
912
Who:
Defective Turret
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1875
Who:
Caroline
Really? Alright.
Listens:
364
Who:
Defective Turret
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7662
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1844
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2006
Who:
Core 2
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
727
Who:
Core 3
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2434
Who:
Turret
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
4977
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
984
Who:
Core 1
Agggh...
Listens:
457
Who:
Defective Turret
Be careful!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1841
Who:
Wheatley
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Dull expression.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1346
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
780
Who:
Defective Turret
There you are! I was starting to get worried.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1699
Who:
Core 3
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2562
Who:
Announcer
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1069
Who:
Wheatley
We're in space!
Listens:
2531
Who:
Wheatley
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2624
Who:
Core 3
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
583
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
35180
Who:
Core 1
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3451
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7157
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
992
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
1386
Who:
Turret
Good Job.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
457934
Who:
Core 1
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
981
Who:
Core 3
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
112290
Who:
Core 2
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
