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You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1088
Who:
Defective Turret
I am!
Listens:
3098
Who:
Caroline
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1664
Who:
Core 3
Oops.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1552
Who:
GLaDOS
Who's there?
Listens:
2057
Who:
Turret
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
3105
Who:
Announcer
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5456
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on -
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1359
Who:
GLaDOS
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Like the potato!
Listens:
185468
Who:
Defective Turret
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
20327
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
382
Who:
Defective Turret
Try to jump across.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
[humming]
Listens:
1834
Who:
Core 1
I never liked her.
Listens:
896
Who:
Turret
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3286
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Well played.
Listens:
441
Who:
Defective Turret
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Never flushes.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
995
Who:
Defective Turret
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
1036
Who:
Core 1
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2613
Who:
Announcer
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1607
Who:
Core 3
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5322
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
986
Who:
GLaDOS
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
2058
Who:
Defective Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1234
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4117
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1709
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Undermines others.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4297
Who:
Turret
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3618
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Lawl
Listens:
88450
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6337
Who:
GLaDOS
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
894
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1040
Who:
Core 1
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
629
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Incoherent.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
951
Who:
Core 2
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2281
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
897
Who:
Turret
Uh oh.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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