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This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
[humming]
Listens:
1814
Who:
Core 1
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
884
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9452
Who:
Cave Johnson
Standing down.
Listens:
351
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
450
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9240
Who:
Caroline
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4723
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
698
Who:
Defective Turret
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
Ungh!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1183
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
720
Who:
Turret
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3165
Who:
Wheatley
Okay! Don't move!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
9266
Who:
Turret
I'm done.
Listens:
1277
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1252
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
949
Who:
Defective Turret
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
471
Who:
Defective Turret
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Can't breathe...
Listens:
879
Who:
Turret
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2183
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
2403
Who:
Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1325
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1315
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
621
Who:
Core 2
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5354
Who:
Core 1
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me
Listens:
2031
Who:
Turret
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1879
Who:
Core 2
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1881
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
617
Who:
Core 3
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
3757
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
368
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no...
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
5525
Who:
Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2233
Who:
Announcer
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
999
Who:
Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3675
Who:
Turret
There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2685
Who:
Core 1
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
723
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6216
Who:
Turret
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
370310
Who:
Core 1
Oh!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Turret
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1471
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1475
Who:
Core 1
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Turret
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
149588
Who:
Cave Johnson
Aggggh!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1001
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1213
Who:
Wheatley
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4048
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1589
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there?
Listens:
55838
Who:
Turret
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1535
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1369
Who:
Turret
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3105
Who:
Wheatley
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
613
Who:
Core 2
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3559
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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