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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 2
Hibernating
Listens:
902
Who:
Turret
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1398
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
686
Who:
Core 1
Get in the lift.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Core 3
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1502
Who:
Cave Johnson
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1272
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2093
Who:
Core 2
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
MOVE.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
885
Who:
Core 3
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3388
Who:
Core 1
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1061
Who:
Defective Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8413
Who:
Core 1
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5197
Who:
Announcer
No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6737
Who:
Announcer
I want to be plugged in, please!
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
[Laughter]
Listens:
5873
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1123
Who:
Wheatley
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3701
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2571
Who:
Wheatley
Orange what did you do?
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1280
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1889
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
494
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1976
Who:
Wheatley
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1147
Who:
Wheatley
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 1
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
3206
Who:
Announcer
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3314
Who:
Cave Johnson
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1078
Who:
Wheatley
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1629
Who:
Core 1
Oh no...
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Undermines others.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2467
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1623
Who:
Turret
This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Antisocial.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1279
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
413
Who:
Defective Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Cave Johnson
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1263
Who:
Wheatley
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
There you are, reassembled again.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4298
Who:
Core 2
That is not part of the test.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1411
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Announcer
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
571
Who:
Defective Turret
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2622
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
540
Who:
Defective Turret
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
23641
Who:
Turret
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1713
Who:
Announcer
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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