Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Hey
Listens:
914
Who:
Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
913
Who:
Announcer
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
913
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
913
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
912
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
912
Who:
Turret
Paradoxes.
Listens:
909
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
906
Who:
Announcer
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
905
Who:
Announcer
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
904
Who:
Announcer
Searching
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
902
Who:
Announcer
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
902
Who:
Announcer
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
901
Who:
Announcer
This is trouble.
Listens:
899
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
897
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
897
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
896
Who:
Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
895
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
895
Who:
Turret
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
Can I help you?
Listens:
892
Who:
Turret
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
889
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
888
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
888
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
888
Who:
Turret
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
I never liked her.
Listens:
886
Who:
Turret
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
883
Who:
Defective Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
882
Who:
Wheatley
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
880
Who:
Announcer
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
879
Who:
Announcer
Hibernating
Listens:
879
Who:
Turret
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
877
Who:
Core 3
Go on.
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you win.
Listens:
874
Who:
Turret
Fantastic.
Listens:
872
Who:
Defective Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
871
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
867
Who:
Core 1
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
867
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
865
Who:
Defective Turret
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
864
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
861
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
861
Who:
Defective Turret
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
856
Who:
Core 3
Excellent.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
855
Who:
Defective Turret
Hi?
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
854
Who:
Defective Turret
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
853
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
853
Who:
Defective Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
852
Who:
Core 3
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
852
Who:
Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 3
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
851
Who:
Wheatley
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
850
Who:
Defective Turret
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
849
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
847
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
845
Who:
Core 3
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
844
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
844
Who:
Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
842
Who:
Turret
Hey!
Listens:
842
Who:
Turret
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
840
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
839
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
838
Who:
Turret
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
837
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
834
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
834
Who:
Turret
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 3
Do not press that button!
Listens:
832
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
832
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
828
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
