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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Hello.
Listens:
820
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
820
Who:
Wheatley
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
819
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
810
Who:
Turret
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
807
Who:
Turret
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
806
Who:
Wheatley
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
805
Who:
Announcer
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
805
Who:
Core 1
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
I never liked her.
Listens:
801
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
797
Who:
Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
795
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
793
Who:
Core 3
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
792
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
790
Who:
Wheatley
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
789
Who:
Announcer
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
789
Who:
Core 3
Excellent.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
788
Who:
Defective Turret
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
786
Who:
Defective Turret
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
785
Who:
Announcer
This is trouble.
Listens:
783
Who:
Defective Turret
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
783
Who:
Turret
Go on.
Listens:
782
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
781
Who:
Defective Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
780
Who:
Announcer
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
778
Who:
Announcer
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
778
Who:
Defective Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
776
Who:
Announcer
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
776
Who:
Wheatley
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
775
Who:
Announcer
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
775
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
775
Who:
Turret
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
774
Who:
Announcer
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
774
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
773
Who:
GLaDOS
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
772
Who:
Announcer
Hi?
Listens:
772
Who:
Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
771
Who:
Announcer
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
770
Who:
Announcer
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
770
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
769
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
767
Who:
Turret
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
766
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
765
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Excuse me?
Listens:
764
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
763
Who:
Core 3
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
763
Who:
Core 3
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
763
Who:
Defective Turret
See you soon!
Listens:
763
Who:
Turret
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
762
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
761
Who:
Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 3
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
757
Who:
Core 3
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
757
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
Searching
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
750
Who:
Core 1
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
750
Who:
Turret
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
746
Who:
Core 3
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
744
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm kidding.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
743
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
742
Who:
Defective Turret
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
741
Who:
Core 2
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
741
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
739
Who:
Core 1
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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