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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
898
Who:
Wheatley
Hey
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
Searching
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
Paradoxes.
Listens:
896
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
896
Who:
Turret
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
896
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
893
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
891
Who:
Announcer
Can't breathe...
Listens:
890
Who:
Turret
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
889
Who:
Wheatley
Can I help you?
Listens:
887
Who:
Turret
Oh dear.
Listens:
885
Who:
Turret
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
884
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
884
Who:
Announcer
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
884
Who:
Announcer
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
881
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
879
Who:
Announcer
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
879
Who:
Wheatley
This is trouble.
Listens:
879
Who:
Defective Turret
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
877
Who:
Announcer
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
876
Who:
Announcer
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
875
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
875
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
875
Who:
Defective Turret
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
873
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
872
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
872
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
872
Who:
Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
868
Who:
Announcer
Go on.
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
866
Who:
Turret
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
865
Who:
Announcer
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
865
Who:
Wheatley
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
862
Who:
Core 3
Okay, you win.
Listens:
862
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
861
Who:
Core 1
Hibernating
Listens:
861
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
858
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
856
Who:
Wheatley
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
853
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
851
Who:
Defective Turret
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
849
Who:
Wheatley
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
848
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
847
Who:
Defective Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
846
Who:
Core 3
Fantastic.
Listens:
846
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
846
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
845
Who:
Defective Turret
Excellent.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
843
Who:
Turret
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
841
Who:
Defective Turret
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
839
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
838
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
838
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
838
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
836
Who:
Core 3
Excuse me?
Listens:
836
Who:
Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
835
Who:
Defective Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
834
Who:
Core 3
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
Hey!
Listens:
834
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
832
Who:
Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
831
Who:
Core 3
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
831
Who:
Wheatley
See you soon!
Listens:
830
Who:
Turret
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
826
Who:
Wheatley
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
824
Who:
Turret
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
823
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 1
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
816
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
816
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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