Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
888
Who:
Announcer
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
888
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
888
Who:
Turret
Paradoxes.
Listens:
887
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
885
Who:
Wheatley
Can I help you?
Listens:
885
Who:
Turret
Can't breathe...
Listens:
884
Who:
Turret
Hey
Listens:
884
Who:
Turret
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
883
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
879
Who:
Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
875
Who:
Announcer
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
872
Who:
Announcer
I’m scared!
Listens:
872
Who:
Turret
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
871
Who:
Announcer
Ahh. What?
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
866
Who:
Announcer
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
This is trouble.
Listens:
866
Who:
Defective Turret
I never liked her.
Listens:
866
Who:
Turret
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
865
Who:
Wheatley
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
864
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
862
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
861
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
857
Who:
Announcer
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
857
Who:
Announcer
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
856
Who:
Announcer
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
Go on.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 1
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
853
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
852
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, you win.
Listens:
852
Who:
Turret
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 3
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
848
Who:
Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
844
Who:
Defective Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
841
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
838
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
836
Who:
Core 3
Excellent.
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
836
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
834
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
833
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
831
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
831
Who:
Defective Turret
Excuse me?
Listens:
831
Who:
Turret
Hi?
Listens:
831
Who:
Turret
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
828
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
828
Who:
Defective Turret
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
827
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey!
Listens:
827
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 3
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
826
Who:
Defective Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
825
Who:
Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
821
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
821
Who:
Turret
See you soon!
Listens:
820
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
819
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
817
Who:
Core 3
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
816
Who:
Core 3
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
816
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
816
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
816
Who:
Turret
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
812
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
811
Who:
Defective Turret
Searching
Listens:
808
Who:
Turret
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
806
Who:
Turret
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 1
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
