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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
882
Who:
Turret
Can I help you?
Listens:
882
Who:
Turret
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
881
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
881
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
877
Who:
Turret
Hey
Listens:
877
Who:
Turret
Oh dear.
Listens:
872
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
867
Who:
Announcer
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
867
Who:
Announcer
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
866
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
866
Who:
Turret
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
864
Who:
Announcer
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
862
Who:
Defective Turret
This is trouble.
Listens:
862
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
860
Who:
Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
858
Who:
Announcer
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
857
Who:
Defective Turret
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
856
Who:
Announcer
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
854
Who:
Announcer
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
854
Who:
Announcer
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
854
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
852
Who:
Announcer
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
852
Who:
Core 1
Go on.
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
850
Who:
Announcer
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
850
Who:
Turret
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
848
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
846
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
844
Who:
Core 3
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
844
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, you win.
Listens:
843
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
842
Who:
Turret
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
837
Who:
Defective Turret
Excellent.
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
835
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
835
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
831
Who:
Core 3
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
831
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
826
Who:
Defective Turret
Hi?
Listens:
826
Who:
Turret
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
825
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
825
Who:
Defective Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
825
Who:
Turret
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
822
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey!
Listens:
821
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 3
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
819
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
816
Who:
Turret
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
See you soon!
Listens:
814
Who:
Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
812
Who:
Core 3
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
810
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 3
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
809
Who:
Turret
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
808
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
808
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
806
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
805
Who:
Turret
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
804
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
803
Who:
Defective Turret
She was provoking you.
Listens:
803
Who:
Turret
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 1
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
799
Who:
Wheatley
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 3
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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