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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
865
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
863
Who:
Turret
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
861
Who:
Announcer
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
858
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
853
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
850
Who:
Turret
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
848
Who:
Wheatley
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
844
Who:
Turret
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
843
Who:
Announcer
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
843
Who:
GLaDOS
This is trouble.
Listens:
842
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
840
Who:
Core 1
I never liked her.
Listens:
840
Who:
Turret
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
839
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
838
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
836
Who:
Announcer
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
836
Who:
Announcer
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
836
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
833
Who:
Announcer
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
831
Who:
Announcer
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
831
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
830
Who:
Announcer
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
830
Who:
Announcer
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
829
Who:
Announcer
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
829
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
827
Who:
Announcer
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
827
Who:
Core 3
Go on.
Listens:
826
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
826
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
826
Who:
Defective Turret
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
822
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, you win.
Listens:
822
Who:
Turret
Excellent.
Listens:
819
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
819
Who:
Defective Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
819
Who:
Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 3
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
811
Who:
Turret
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
810
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
808
Who:
Turret
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
807
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
806
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
806
Who:
Defective Turret
Excuse me?
Listens:
806
Who:
Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
805
Who:
Defective Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 3
Hey!
Listens:
802
Who:
Turret
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 3
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
800
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
796
Who:
Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
795
Who:
Core 3
Do not press that button!
Listens:
795
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
795
Who:
Defective Turret
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
793
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
792
Who:
Core 1
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
792
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
791
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
791
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
790
Who:
Turret
I'm kidding.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
787
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
She was provoking you.
Listens:
784
Who:
Turret
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
783
Who:
Wheatley
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
782
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
780
Who:
Defective Turret
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
778
Who:
Core 3
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
778
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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