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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Paradoxes.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
846
Who:
Turret
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
843
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
841
Who:
Turret
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
838
Who:
Announcer
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
836
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
835
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
834
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
831
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh dear.
Listens:
830
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
828
Who:
Core 1
I’m scared!
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
826
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
825
Who:
Defective Turret
I never liked her.
Listens:
824
Who:
Turret
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
819
Who:
Announcer
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
817
Who:
Announcer
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
This is trouble.
Listens:
817
Who:
Defective Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
816
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
816
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
815
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
813
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
812
Who:
Announcer
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
811
Who:
Announcer
Go on.
Listens:
811
Who:
Wheatley
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
810
Who:
Announcer
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 3
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
809
Who:
Announcer
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
808
Who:
Announcer
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
808
Who:
Defective Turret
Excellent.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
807
Who:
Defective Turret
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
807
Who:
Turret
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
805
Who:
Announcer
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
805
Who:
Core 3
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
804
Who:
Turret
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
799
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
798
Who:
Defective Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
798
Who:
Turret
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
793
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
793
Who:
Defective Turret
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
791
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
791
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
789
Who:
Core 3
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
789
Who:
Turret
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
788
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
Hey!
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
784
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
784
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
784
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 1
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 3
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 3
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
782
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
781
Who:
Turret
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
777
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
776
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
775
Who:
Turret
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
773
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
773
Who:
Turret
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
771
Who:
Core 3
She was provoking you.
Listens:
771
Who:
Turret
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
770
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
770
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
769
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
769
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
768
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
767
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
767
Who:
Defective Turret
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
765
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm kidding.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
762
Who:
Core 1
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
762
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
761
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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