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Portal 2
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Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
963
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey
Listens:
960
Who:
Turret
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
958
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
951
Who:
Defective Turret
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
950
Who:
Core 3
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
950
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
949
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
949
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
948
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
948
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
946
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
946
Who:
Turret
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
945
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
944
Who:
Announcer
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
943
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
942
Who:
Wheatley
Hi again!
Listens:
942
Who:
Defective Turret
This is trouble.
Listens:
942
Who:
Defective Turret
Paradoxes.
Listens:
937
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
935
Who:
Announcer
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
934
Who:
Wheatley
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
933
Who:
Announcer
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
932
Who:
Announcer
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
931
Who:
Turret
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
929
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
924
Who:
Defective Turret
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
923
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on.
Listens:
920
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
918
Who:
Defective Turret
See you soon!
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
916
Who:
Announcer
Searching
Listens:
914
Who:
Turret
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
913
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
Oh dear.
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
909
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
906
Who:
Core 1
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
906
Who:
Core 3
I'm kidding.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
905
Who:
Turret
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
902
Who:
Turret
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
901
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
901
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
900
Who:
Defective Turret
Hi?
Listens:
899
Who:
Turret
Can't breathe...
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
Can I help you?
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
895
Who:
Core 3
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
893
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
893
Who:
Defective Turret
Excellent.
Listens:
892
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
892
Who:
Turret
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
891
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
890
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
890
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
888
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
887
Who:
Core 3
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
887
Who:
Defective Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
885
Who:
Core 3
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
884
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
884
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
878
Who:
Wheatley
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
875
Who:
Core 3
Help!
Listens:
875
Who:
Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
872
Who:
Wheatley
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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