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Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
833
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
831
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
830
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
823
Who:
Announcer
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
Can't breathe...
Listens:
821
Who:
Turret
Oh dear.
Listens:
820
Who:
Turret
I never liked her.
Listens:
815
Who:
Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
811
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 1
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
810
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
810
Who:
Turret
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
809
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
805
Who:
Wheatley
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
804
Who:
Announcer
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
801
Who:
Core 3
Go on.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
801
Who:
Defective Turret
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
799
Who:
Announcer
This is trouble.
Listens:
799
Who:
Defective Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
797
Who:
Announcer
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
797
Who:
Defective Turret
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
797
Who:
Turret
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
796
Who:
Announcer
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
796
Who:
Announcer
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
795
Who:
Core 3
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
795
Who:
Wheatley
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
794
Who:
Announcer
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
793
Who:
Announcer
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
793
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
792
Who:
Announcer
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
791
Who:
Announcer
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
791
Who:
Announcer
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
791
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
791
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, you win.
Listens:
790
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
788
Who:
Turret
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
782
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
782
Who:
Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
781
Who:
Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
780
Who:
Defective Turret
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
780
Who:
Defective Turret
Excuse me?
Listens:
780
Who:
Turret
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
779
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
778
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
778
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey!
Listens:
777
Who:
Turret
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
775
Who:
Defective Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
772
Who:
Core 3
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
771
Who:
Core 3
Ahh. What?
Listens:
771
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
770
Who:
Core 3
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
769
Who:
Turret
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
768
Who:
Defective Turret
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
765
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
764
Who:
Turret
Searching
Listens:
764
Who:
Turret
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
763
Who:
Core 3
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
762
Who:
Wheatley
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
761
Who:
Turret
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
759
Who:
Core 1
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
756
Who:
Defective Turret
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
754
Who:
Core 3
I'm kidding.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
754
Who:
Defective Turret
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
752
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
748
Who:
Core 1
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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