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Portal 2
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Hey
Listens:
931
Who:
Turret
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
930
Who:
Core 3
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
930
Who:
Wheatley
Hi again!
Listens:
930
Who:
Defective Turret
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
927
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
925
Who:
Wheatley
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
924
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
924
Who:
Announcer
Paradoxes.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
923
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
923
Who:
Turret
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
This is trouble.
Listens:
920
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
916
Who:
Announcer
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
915
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
913
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
912
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
910
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
909
Who:
Turret
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
907
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
903
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
Oh dear.
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
901
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
898
Who:
Wheatley
Can't breathe...
Listens:
897
Who:
Turret
I never liked her.
Listens:
896
Who:
Turret
Go on.
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
Can I help you?
Listens:
895
Who:
Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
894
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
894
Who:
Defective Turret
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
894
Who:
Defective Turret
Fantastic.
Listens:
892
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, you win.
Listens:
890
Who:
Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
889
Who:
Announcer
Hibernating
Listens:
889
Who:
Turret
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
888
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
887
Who:
Core 1
Excellent.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
885
Who:
Core 3
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
881
Who:
Defective Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
880
Who:
Core 3
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
878
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
878
Who:
Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
877
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
877
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
876
Who:
Defective Turret
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
875
Who:
Defective Turret
See you soon!
Listens:
874
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
871
Who:
Wheatley
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
868
Who:
Turret
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
866
Who:
Core 3
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
864
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
863
Who:
Core 3
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
863
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
861
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
860
Who:
Core 3
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
860
Who:
Defective Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
858
Who:
Core 3
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
852
Who:
Turret
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
850
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
850
Who:
Defective Turret
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
849
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
849
Who:
Turret
Hey!
Listens:
849
Who:
Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
846
Who:
Turret
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
843
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
843
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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