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[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 3
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
570
Who:
Defective Turret
Stay still, please.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
566
Who:
Core 3
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
560
Who:
Defective Turret
Nicely Done!
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
Not so fast!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
554
Who:
Defective Turret
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
552
Who:
Defective Turret
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
549
Who:
Defective Turret
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
548
Who:
Core 3
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
544
Who:
Core 2
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
544
Who:
Defective Turret
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
539
Who:
Core 3
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
538
Who:
Core 2
Good.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
536
Who:
Wheatley
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
535
Who:
Core 2
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
533
Who:
Core 3
Always sad.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
533
Who:
Defective Turret
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
529
Who:
Core 3
NO!
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 3
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 2
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 3
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 2
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
525
Who:
Core 2
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
525
Who:
Defective Turret
eight
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
524
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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