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Portal 2
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See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
658
Who:
Core 1
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
657
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not, though.
Listens:
656
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
656
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
655
Who:
Core 3
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
But that was worth it.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
643
Who:
Defective Turret
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
642
Who:
Core 3
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
641
Who:
Core 3
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
Just stop it already.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
638
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
638
Who:
Defective Turret
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 3
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
630
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
629
Who:
Core 2
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
614
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 2
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
611
Who:
Core 2
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
This time...
Listens:
611
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
608
Who:
Core 2
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
607
Who:
Defective Turret
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 2
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 2
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 2
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
606
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
606
Who:
Defective Turret
Always sad.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 3
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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