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I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
608
Who:
Core 3
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 3
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
586
Who:
Defective Turret
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
585
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
585
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
584
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
584
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
583
Who:
Core 2
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 3
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
577
Who:
Core 3
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
576
Who:
Core 3
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
576
Who:
Core 2
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
You KNOW her?
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
573
Who:
Core 2
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
571
Who:
Core 2
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 2
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
568
Who:
Core 2
Always sad.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
567
Who:
Core 2
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
567
Who:
Core 2
Good.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
566
Who:
Defective Turret
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
566
Who:
Defective Turret
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 3
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
563
Who:
Defective Turret
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
561
Who:
Defective Turret
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
560
Who:
Core 3
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
559
Who:
Core 2
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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