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How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
536
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
536
Who:
Defective Turret
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
534
Who:
Core 3
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
532
Who:
Defective Turret
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
531
Who:
Core 3
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
525
Who:
Core 2
AH!
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
524
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
522
Who:
Core 3
science collaboration points.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
517
Who:
Core 3
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
513
Who:
Core 2
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
512
Who:
Core 3
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
512
Who:
Core 2
Good.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
511
Who:
Wheatley
five
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
508
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on!
Listens:
508
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
507
Who:
Core 2
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh...
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
503
Who:
Core 3
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
503
Who:
Defective Turret
Please get it off me.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
501
Who:
Core 2
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
501
Who:
Core 2
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
500
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
497
Who:
Core 2
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
494
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
494
Who:
Defective Turret
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
491
Who:
Core 2
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
491
Who:
Core 2
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
490
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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