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Portal 2
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Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
644
Who:
Core 3
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
643
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
But that was worth it.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 3
Yes.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 3
You only failed
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 3
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
634
Who:
Defective Turret
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
627
Who:
Defective Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
626
Who:
Core 3
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
621
Who:
Core 2
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
618
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
618
Who:
Defective Turret
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
616
Who:
Core 3
Two
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
610
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
608
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 2
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
601
Who:
Core 2
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 2
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
600
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 3
This time...
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 2
eight
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
596
Who:
Core 2
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
596
Who:
Core 2
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
596
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
594
Who:
Core 3
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
Always sad.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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