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Portal 2
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Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 3
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 3
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
617
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
606
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
604
Who:
Defective Turret
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
You KNOW her?
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 2
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 3
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 2
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
595
Who:
Defective Turret
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
594
Who:
Core 3
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
594
Who:
Core 2
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
592
Who:
Defective Turret
Not so fast!
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
586
Who:
Core 2
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 3
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
582
Who:
Core 2
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
582
Who:
Core 2
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
582
Who:
Defective Turret
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
581
Who:
Defective Turret
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
579
Who:
Defective Turret
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
578
Who:
Core 3
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
577
Who:
Defective Turret
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
Always sad.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
574
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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