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Portal 2
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For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
Yes.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
632
Who:
Core 3
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
You KNOW her?
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
618
Who:
Core 3
Oh no...
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
617
Who:
Defective Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
615
Who:
Defective Turret
Two
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 3
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 2
Reactions?
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
604
Who:
Defective Turret
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 2
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
600
Who:
Defective Turret
Not so fast!
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 2
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
595
Who:
Core 2
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
593
Who:
Core 3
eight
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
592
Who:
Core 2
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
592
Who:
Core 2
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
592
Who:
Core 2
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 3
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
589
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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