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Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1326
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6882
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
1022
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
36307
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1174
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5446
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2856
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2602
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7301
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1806
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4797
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1570
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43395
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3565
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1554
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1921
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1471
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
51192
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4931
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
816
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5994
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
1050
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
That is not part of the test.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2333
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
6048
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5433
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1414
Who:
GLaDOS
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1967
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
868
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
5058
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3774
Who:
GLaDOS
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
3061
Who:
GLaDOS
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
5153
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3615
Who:
GLaDOS
I made it all up.
Listens:
1038
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1257
Who:
GLaDOS
Surprise.
Listens:
6166
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1784
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14517
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9930
Who:
Wheatley
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2013
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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