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Portal 2
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Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1172
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6621
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
897
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
31288
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
986
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1110
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1129
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4864
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2525
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2315
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6492
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1573
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4302
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1445
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
40649
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3146
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1239
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1454
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1325
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
47314
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4406
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5411
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
That is not part of the test.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
237
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2159
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5391
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
4784
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1241
Who:
GLaDOS
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
243
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1755
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
790
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4621
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3242
Who:
GLaDOS
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2811
Who:
GLaDOS
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
4604
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3257
Who:
GLaDOS
I made it all up.
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1108
Who:
GLaDOS
Surprise.
Listens:
5641
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1568
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
13411
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9124
Who:
Wheatley
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
1756
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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