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In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1801
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1940
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8556
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1786
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1801
Who:
GLaDOS
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1305
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
19889
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1524
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
85322
Who:
GLaDOS
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
3170
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1274
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3527
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3746
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7184
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1413
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
107715
Who:
GLaDOS
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
30979
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5211
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2439
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2230
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
1032
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1153
Who:
GLaDOS
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3504
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2351
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
925
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6216
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4565
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1668
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1897
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1548
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1644
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13116
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1646
Who:
GLaDOS
Core transfer?
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5805
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
71920
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
1098
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1671
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
828
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Think about this.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1035
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1332
Who:
GLaDOS
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
The other? Well...
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1410
Who:
GLaDOS
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1541
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you two doing?
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4433
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
No variances detected.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
You're better than that.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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