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In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1565
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1782
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
7889
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1669
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1714
Who:
GLaDOS
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1224
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
18632
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1430
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
82676
Who:
GLaDOS
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
2886
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1170
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3359
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3588
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6720
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1336
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
103744
Who:
GLaDOS
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
29430
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
4922
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2305
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2128
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
981
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1090
Who:
GLaDOS
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3150
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2234
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5782
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4147
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1462
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1800
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1435
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1536
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
808
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
11974
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1474
Who:
GLaDOS
Core transfer?
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5419
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
69328
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
994
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1567
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Think about this.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
947
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
The other? Well...
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1325
Who:
GLaDOS
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1378
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you two doing?
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4278
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1162
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
No variances detected.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
You're better than that.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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