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Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
428
Who:
Core 2
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
425
Who:
Core 2
Procrastinator.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, what?
Listens:
423
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Blue is penalized
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Okay!
Listens:
421
Who:
Defective Turret
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
420
Who:
Core 2
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Turrets!
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, let's do this.
Listens:
419
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
OW!
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
I just hate Blue a little more.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
415
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
There it is.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not do it!
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Let go!
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried.
Listens:
410
Who:
Defective Turret
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Cryptic.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh!
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Listens:
406
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Gah!
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
404
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
402
Who:
Defective Turret
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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