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Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1320
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1320
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1320
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1319
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1316
Who:
Defective Turret
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1311
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1310
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1310
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1309
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1306
Who:
Core 1
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1301
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1298
Who:
Announcer
Please put me down
Listens:
1298
Who:
Turret
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1297
Who:
Core 1
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1295
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1293
Who:
Core 2
AHH!
Listens:
1293
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1292
Who:
Core 1
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1287
Who:
Core 2
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1286
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
1282
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Core 1
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1280
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1279
Who:
Core 1
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Announcer
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1275
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1271
Who:
Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Core 3
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1266
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1265
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1264
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Core 3
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Wheatley
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1251
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1250
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1248
Who:
Announcer
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1247
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1243
Who:
Turret
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Core 3
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Announcer
Space...
Listens:
1238
Who:
Core 1
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1238
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1237
Who:
GLaDOS
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1232
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1230
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1229
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1229
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
1229
Who:
Turret
My fault
Listens:
1229
Who:
Turret
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1228
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1227
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1226
Who:
Announcer
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1226
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1224
Who:
Cave Johnson
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1220
Who:
Announcer
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1220
Who:
Core 1
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1216
Who:
Wheatley
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1215
Who:
Core 3
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1215
Who:
Defective Turret
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1212
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1211
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1206
Who:
Announcer
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1204
Who:
Defective Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Core 3
Take me with you...
Listens:
1203
Who:
Turret
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1201
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1200
Who:
Core 1
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1199
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1193
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1193
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1190
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1190
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1190
Who:
Defective Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1188
Who:
Cave Johnson
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1186
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1186
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1185
Who:
Cave Johnson
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1185
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1185
Who:
Turret
Crap!
Listens:
1183
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm fine!
Listens:
1177
Who:
Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1176
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Core 2
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1168
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1165
Who:
Core 3
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1162
Who:
Turret
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1160
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1158
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
1155
Who:
Turret
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1150
Who:
Core 3
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1150
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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