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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Listens:
1436
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1435
Who:
Core 3
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1434
Who:
Core 2
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1432
Who:
GLaDOS
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1431
Who:
Core 2
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1428
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1427
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1427
Who:
Wheatley
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Announcer
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1423
Who:
Announcer
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1423
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1417
Who:
Defective Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1413
Who:
Announcer
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1413
Who:
Core 1
I am!
Listens:
1411
Who:
Caroline
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1411
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1410
Who:
Core 3
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1410
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1407
Who:
Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1406
Who:
Announcer
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1405
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1405
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1403
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1400
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1399
Who:
Wheatley
What do you think?
Listens:
1398
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1395
Who:
Defective Turret
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1392
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1391
Who:
Announcer
Sir!
Listens:
1391
Who:
Caroline
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1388
Who:
Announcer
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1386
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1385
Who:
Wheatley
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1384
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1383
Who:
Core 1
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1382
Who:
Defective Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1380
Who:
Announcer
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1378
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh!
Listens:
1376
Who:
Turret
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1373
Who:
Wheatley
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1369
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1368
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1362
Who:
Core 1
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1360
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Core 3
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1351
Who:
Core 2
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1349
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1347
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1343
Who:
Core 3
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1343
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1343
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1338
Who:
GLaDOS
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1335
Who:
Core 3
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1334
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
1333
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1333
Who:
Turret
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1332
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1331
Who:
Announcer
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1326
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1326
Who:
Wheatley
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1325
Who:
Turret
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1322
Who:
Wheatley
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1322
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1320
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1319
Who:
Core 1
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1318
Who:
Core 1
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1316
Who:
Cave Johnson
My fault
Listens:
1315
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1305
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1304
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1301
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Defective Turret
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Core 3
I'm fine!
Listens:
1299
Who:
Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1297
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1297
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1294
Who:
Defective Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1292
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1287
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1286
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1285
Who:
Core 1
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1285
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1285
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1284
Who:
Wheatley
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1282
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1281
Who:
Cave Johnson
Remember that!
Listens:
1281
Who:
Turret
Please stop.
Listens:
1278
Who:
Turret
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1276
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1276
Who:
Defective Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1273
Who:
Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Core 3
Take me with you...
Listens:
1269
Who:
Turret
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1266
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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