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Portal 2
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Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1423
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1423
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1423
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1419
Who:
Wheatley
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1417
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1416
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1413
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Announcer
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Core 2
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1409
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
1405
Who:
Caroline
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1405
Who:
Core 3
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1403
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1401
Who:
Defective Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1401
Who:
Turret
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1400
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1398
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1394
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1392
Who:
Wheatley
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1391
Who:
Announcer
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1390
Who:
Core 1
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1386
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1386
Who:
Turret
You win.
Listens:
1384
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1384
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1379
Who:
Announcer
Sir!
Listens:
1378
Who:
Caroline
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1377
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1376
Who:
Wheatley
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1375
Who:
Wheatley
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1374
Who:
Announcer
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1374
Who:
Core 1
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1372
Who:
Defective Turret
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1371
Who:
Defective Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1369
Who:
Announcer
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1369
Who:
Announcer
Oh!
Listens:
1368
Who:
Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1363
Who:
Announcer
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1363
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1353
Who:
Core 1
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1353
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1351
Who:
Wheatley
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 3
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1343
Who:
Core 2
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1343
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1334
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1331
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1329
Who:
Cave Johnson
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1327
Who:
Core 3
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1327
Who:
Core 3
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1318
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Announcer
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1317
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1317
Who:
Turret
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1315
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1314
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1314
Who:
Core 1
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1314
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1314
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1313
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1309
Who:
Core 1
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1306
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1304
Who:
Cave Johnson
My fault
Listens:
1301
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1300
Who:
Turret
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1294
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1293
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1292
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1292
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1288
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1288
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1284
Who:
Core 3
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1284
Who:
Defective Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Core 1
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1282
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1281
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1279
Who:
Defective Turret
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1277
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1277
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
1276
Who:
Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1275
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1274
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1269
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1267
Who:
Defective Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1260
Who:
Core 3
I'm fine!
Listens:
1260
Who:
Turret
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1259
Who:
Core 1
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1256
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1255
Who:
Cave Johnson
Take me with you...
Listens:
1255
Who:
Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1254
Who:
Turret
Crap!
Listens:
1254
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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