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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Core 3
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1350
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1350
Who:
Turret
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1349
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1347
Who:
Announcer
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1347
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1342
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1341
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Defective Turret
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1337
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1334
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1334
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1333
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1330
Who:
Core 1
AHH!
Listens:
1328
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1326
Who:
Announcer
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1319
Who:
Core 1
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1318
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1315
Who:
Core 2
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1312
Who:
Core 2
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1311
Who:
Core 3
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1311
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1310
Who:
Turret
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Core 1
I'm done.
Listens:
1304
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1302
Who:
Defective Turret
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1300
Who:
Wheatley
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1299
Who:
Wheatley
You win.
Listens:
1298
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1293
Who:
Core 3
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1293
Who:
Core 3
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1293
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1292
Who:
Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1291
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1291
Who:
Core 1
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1291
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1287
Who:
Announcer
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1286
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Announcer
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Announcer
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Wheatley
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1279
Who:
Announcer
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1276
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1275
Who:
Core 1
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1274
Who:
Announcer
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1272
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1270
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1269
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1260
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1260
Who:
Turret
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1255
Who:
Wheatley
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1254
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1254
Who:
Defective Turret
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1251
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1250
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1245
Who:
Announcer
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
1245
Who:
Turret
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1244
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1241
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1240
Who:
Cave Johnson
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1239
Who:
Core 3
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1238
Who:
Core 3
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1236
Who:
Core 1
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1235
Who:
Cave Johnson
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1233
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1231
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1231
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1228
Who:
Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1225
Who:
Core 3
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1225
Who:
Defective Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1224
Who:
Core 1
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1223
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1223
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
1223
Who:
Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1220
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1218
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1215
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1211
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1206
Who:
Cave Johnson
Crap!
Listens:
1205
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm fine!
Listens:
1204
Who:
Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1203
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1201
Who:
GLaDOS
The end?
Listens:
1200
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
1199
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1197
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1196
Who:
Wheatley
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1196
Who:
Wheatley
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1196
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1195
Who:
Cave Johnson
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1195
Who:
Core 2
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1194
Who:
Core 3
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1189
Who:
Turret
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1184
Who:
Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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