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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Core 3
Press the button!
Listens:
1240
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1239
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Caroline
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Core 2
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1234
Who:
Announcer
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1233
Who:
Turret
Self test error
Listens:
1232
Who:
Turret
Space!
Listens:
1229
Who:
Core 1
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1229
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1228
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1221
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1219
Who:
Core 1
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1216
Who:
GLaDOS
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1215
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1212
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1208
Who:
Core 1
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1206
Who:
Core 3
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1204
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1204
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1201
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1200
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1194
Who:
Turret
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1193
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Core 3
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1186
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1185
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1179
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1175
Who:
Announcer
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Core 3
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1173
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1173
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1172
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1172
Who:
Turret
Remember that!
Listens:
1171
Who:
Turret
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1169
Who:
Core 1
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1166
Who:
Announcer
You win.
Listens:
1165
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1164
Who:
Turret
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1163
Who:
Wheatley
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1159
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1159
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1156
Who:
Core 1
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1156
Who:
Core 3
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1156
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
1154
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1150
Who:
Turret
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1147
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Announcer
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1141
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1141
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 1
AHH!
Listens:
1139
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1139
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1135
Who:
Core 3
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1133
Who:
Wheatley
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1132
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1131
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1130
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1129
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1128
Who:
Announcer
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1127
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1124
Who:
Core 2
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1123
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1121
Who:
Announcer
I'm fine!
Listens:
1121
Who:
Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1117
Who:
Announcer
Take me with you...
Listens:
1115
Who:
Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1114
Who:
Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1114
Who:
Turret
The end?
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1108
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1107
Who:
Core 3
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1107
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1107
Who:
Defective Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Announcer
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1105
Who:
Core 3
Crap!
Listens:
1103
Who:
Defective Turret
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1101
Who:
Wheatley
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1101
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1098
Who:
Announcer
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1098
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1097
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1095
Who:
Wheatley
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1094
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1093
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 1
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1089
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Turret
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1088
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1086
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Defective Turret
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1084
Who:
Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1080
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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