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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1410
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button!
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1407
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1402
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
1400
Who:
Caroline
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1399
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1397
Who:
Announcer
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1397
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Core 3
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1395
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1394
Who:
Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1392
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1391
Who:
Wheatley
What do you think?
Listens:
1388
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1381
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1377
Who:
Core 2
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1377
Who:
Wheatley
Sir!
Listens:
1376
Who:
Caroline
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1376
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1374
Who:
Core 1
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1373
Who:
Announcer
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1373
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1368
Who:
Wheatley
You win.
Listens:
1366
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1366
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1366
Who:
Turret
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1363
Who:
Core 1
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1362
Who:
Announcer
Oh!
Listens:
1360
Who:
Turret
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1359
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1359
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1358
Who:
Announcer
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1355
Who:
Defective Turret
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1351
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1350
Who:
Announcer
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Announcer
Space!
Listens:
1349
Who:
Core 1
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1348
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1343
Who:
Core 3
I'm done.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1338
Who:
Core 2
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1331
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1328
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1323
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1323
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1322
Who:
Wheatley
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1319
Who:
Core 3
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Core 3
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1316
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1311
Who:
Announcer
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1311
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1310
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1309
Who:
Wheatley
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Wheatley
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1305
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
1303
Who:
Core 1
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1302
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1300
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1300
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1300
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1297
Who:
Turret
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1296
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1294
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1290
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1290
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1286
Who:
Wheatley
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1285
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1282
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1281
Who:
Defective Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1278
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1276
Who:
Core 3
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1276
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1276
Who:
Defective Turret
Remember that!
Listens:
1273
Who:
Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Core 1
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1269
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1264
Who:
Cave Johnson
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1264
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1263
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1263
Who:
Wheatley
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1259
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Core 3
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1256
Who:
Core 1
I'm fine!
Listens:
1254
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Cave Johnson
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1249
Who:
Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
1249
Who:
Turret
Please stop.
Listens:
1248
Who:
Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1246
Who:
Core 2
Crap!
Listens:
1245
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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