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Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1321
Who:
GLaDOS
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1320
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1320
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1319
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1316
Who:
Defective Turret
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1310
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1309
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1306
Who:
Core 1
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1301
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Announcer
Please put me down
Listens:
1298
Who:
Turret
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1297
Who:
Core 1
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1295
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1294
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1293
Who:
Core 2
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1292
Who:
Core 1
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1287
Who:
Core 2
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1286
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
1282
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1281
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Core 1
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1279
Who:
Core 1
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1277
Who:
Announcer
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1275
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1272
Who:
Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Core 3
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1266
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1265
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1264
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1259
Who:
Core 3
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Wheatley
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1252
Who:
Announcer
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1252
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1250
Who:
Announcer
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1247
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1244
Who:
Turret
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Core 3
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Announcer
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1239
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1238
Who:
Core 1
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1238
Who:
GLaDOS
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1232
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1231
Who:
Wheatley
My fault
Listens:
1230
Who:
Turret
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1229
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1229
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
1229
Who:
Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1228
Who:
Announcer
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1228
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1227
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1226
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1225
Who:
Cave Johnson
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1221
Who:
Announcer
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1220
Who:
Core 1
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1217
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1217
Who:
Defective Turret
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1215
Who:
Core 3
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Core 3
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1212
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1212
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1206
Who:
Announcer
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Core 3
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1204
Who:
Defective Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
1203
Who:
Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1201
Who:
Core 1
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1201
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1199
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1193
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1193
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1191
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1191
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1190
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1188
Who:
Cave Johnson
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1187
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1186
Who:
Wheatley
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1186
Who:
Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1185
Who:
Cave Johnson
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1185
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1183
Who:
Defective Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1177
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1177
Who:
Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Core 2
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1167
Who:
Core 3
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1163
Who:
Turret
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1160
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1159
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1159
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please stop.
Listens:
1155
Who:
Turret
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1151
Who:
Core 3
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1151
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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