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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Core 2
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1260
Who:
Core 1
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1260
Who:
GLaDOS
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1260
Who:
Turret
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1259
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1257
Who:
Core 2
Space!
Listens:
1255
Who:
Core 1
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Wheatley
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1242
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1236
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1235
Who:
Core 1
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1234
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1232
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1230
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1229
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1228
Who:
Core 1
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1223
Who:
Core 3
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1218
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1216
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1214
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1213
Who:
Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1212
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm done.
Listens:
1209
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1207
Who:
Turret
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1201
Who:
Announcer
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1199
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1198
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1196
Who:
Core 3
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1191
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Wheatley
You win.
Listens:
1185
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
1184
Who:
Core 1
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1184
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1184
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1183
Who:
Core 1
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1181
Who:
Announcer
My fault
Listens:
1181
Who:
Turret
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Core 3
AHH!
Listens:
1180
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
1180
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1180
Who:
Turret
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Core 3
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1173
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1171
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1171
Who:
Wheatley
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Announcer
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1167
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1165
Who:
Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1164
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1160
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1154
Who:
Core 3
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1152
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1151
Who:
Announcer
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1150
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1150
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1149
Who:
Announcer
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1149
Who:
Cave Johnson
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1148
Who:
Core 1
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1148
Who:
Defective Turret
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1146
Who:
Wheatley
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1143
Who:
Announcer
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1143
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1143
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Announcer
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 2
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1136
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1136
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1134
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1134
Who:
Defective Turret
Crap!
Listens:
1133
Who:
Defective Turret
The end?
Listens:
1132
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1132
Who:
Turret
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1131
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1128
Who:
Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1127
Who:
Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
1126
Who:
Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1123
Who:
Announcer
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1123
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1123
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1123
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1118
Who:
Core 3
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1111
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1111
Who:
Core 1
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 3
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1109
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1108
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1102
Who:
Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1101
Who:
Cave Johnson
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1100
Who:
Core 1
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1097
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1097
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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