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You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1313
Who:
Wheatley
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1311
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1305
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1304
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1302
Who:
Announcer
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1302
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1301
Who:
Core 1
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1301
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1301
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1300
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1295
Who:
Core 1
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1293
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1290
Who:
Core 2
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1289
Who:
Announcer
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1289
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1287
Who:
Core 1
Please put me down
Listens:
1285
Who:
Turret
AHH!
Listens:
1284
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1281
Who:
Core 2
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1280
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1278
Who:
Core 1
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1274
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1273
Who:
Core 1
I'm done.
Listens:
1273
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1265
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1264
Who:
Turret
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Announcer
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Core 3
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1260
Who:
Wheatley
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1247
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1244
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Wheatley
You win.
Listens:
1240
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1239
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1239
Who:
Core 3
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1239
Who:
Core 3
Oh!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Turret
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1235
Who:
Announcer
Space...
Listens:
1234
Who:
Core 1
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1232
Who:
Announcer
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1228
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1228
Who:
Wheatley
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1226
Who:
Wheatley
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1226
Who:
Turret
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1222
Who:
Wheatley
My fault
Listens:
1221
Who:
Turret
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1220
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
1220
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
1220
Who:
Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1216
Who:
Core 1
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Core 3
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1213
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1213
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1212
Who:
Defective Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1211
Who:
Announcer
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1208
Who:
Announcer
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1208
Who:
Core 3
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1207
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1206
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1206
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1204
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1202
Who:
Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1201
Who:
Core 3
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1198
Who:
Defective Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1197
Who:
Core 1
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1196
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1195
Who:
Announcer
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1191
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1186
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1184
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1181
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1181
Who:
Defective Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1180
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
1179
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1179
Who:
Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1175
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1174
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1172
Who:
Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1171
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1170
Who:
Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Core 2
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1163
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1163
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1162
Who:
Core 3
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1155
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1153
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please stop.
Listens:
1153
Who:
Turret
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1151
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1150
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1148
Who:
Core 1
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1147
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1146
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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