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Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1371
Who:
Wheatley
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1368
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1368
Who:
Defective Turret
I am!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Caroline
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Defective Turret
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1365
Who:
Core 3
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1365
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1364
Who:
Caroline
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1364
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1359
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Announcer
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1353
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1349
Who:
Core 3
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1349
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1348
Who:
Defective Turret
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1344
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1341
Who:
Turret
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Core 2
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1336
Who:
Core 1
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1333
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1332
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1330
Who:
Core 1
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1330
Who:
Core 1
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1326
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1326
Who:
Defective Turret
You win.
Listens:
1321
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1320
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1319
Who:
Core 2
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Announcer
I'm done.
Listens:
1315
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1313
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1312
Who:
Core 3
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1311
Who:
Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1307
Who:
Announcer
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1306
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1303
Who:
Announcer
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Announcer
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Core 3
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1298
Who:
Core 1
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1297
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1294
Who:
Core 1
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1294
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1294
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1293
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
1288
Who:
Core 1
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1288
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1288
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1288
Who:
Wheatley
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1281
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1278
Who:
Wheatley
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1276
Who:
Core 3
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1274
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1274
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1273
Who:
Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Announcer
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1267
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1265
Who:
Cave Johnson
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1265
Who:
Defective Turret
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1262
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1258
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1256
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
1256
Who:
Turret
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1256
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1254
Who:
Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1250
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1249
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1248
Who:
Defective Turret
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1247
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1245
Who:
Core 3
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1244
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1243
Who:
Core 1
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1239
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1237
Who:
Announcer
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1236
Who:
Core 1
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1236
Who:
Core 3
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1235
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1234
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1234
Who:
Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1231
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1225
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
1225
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1223
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1222
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1216
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
1215
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm fine!
Listens:
1215
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1214
Who:
Cave Johnson
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Turret
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1210
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1209
Who:
Core 2
The end?
Listens:
1209
Who:
GLaDOS
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1209
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Core 3
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