Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
16999
Who:
Announcer
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16571
Who:
Core 2
SHUT UP!
Listens:
16302
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
15704
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14552
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
13801
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
13541
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13085
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12322
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12026
Who:
Defective Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
11974
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
11938
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11910
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
11725
Who:
Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
10563
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10439
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10313
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10102
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
10062
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
9816
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9360
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9236
Who:
Wheatley
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
9226
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8940
Who:
Caroline
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
8888
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
8729
Who:
Turret
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8619
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8443
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8115
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8076
Who:
Core 1
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
7992
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
7889
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
7881
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7505
Who:
Cave Johnson
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7474
Who:
Core 2
Goodbye
Listens:
7450
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
7258
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7186
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7178
Who:
Announcer
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7118
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7034
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
6974
Who:
Core 1
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
6943
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
6866
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6827
Who:
Cave Johnson
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6731
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6723
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6720
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6709
Who:
Announcer
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6704
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6657
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6555
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
6511
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6481
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6452
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6444
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6403
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6382
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6370
Who:
Announcer
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6367
Who:
Defective Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
6325
Who:
Announcer
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6247
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6238
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
6233
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6172
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5930
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5910
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
5883
Who:
Announcer
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5858
Who:
Core 1
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5847
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5821
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
5798
Who:
Defective Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
5796
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
5792
Who:
Turret
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5782
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5770
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5753
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5687
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5641
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5551
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
5493
Who:
Turret
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5472
Who:
Core 3
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5472
Who:
Core 2
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5467
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5455
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5439
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5419
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5417
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5339
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5315
Who:
Core 1
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5305
Who:
Core 2
Alalalawl
Listens:
5255
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5239
Who:
Announcer
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5198
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5195
Who:
Cave Johnson
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5175
Who:
Wheatley
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5133
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5128
Who:
Cave Johnson
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5122
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5121
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
