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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17856
Who:
Core 3
SHUT UP!
Listens:
17803
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
16930
Who:
Announcer
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16833
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15184
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14689
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14059
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13484
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
12893
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
12757
Who:
Turret
Critical error
Listens:
12671
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12576
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12317
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12243
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11116
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10729
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10645
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10445
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10380
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10291
Who:
Turret
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10055
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9859
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9599
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9416
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9233
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9215
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8890
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8698
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8568
Who:
Caroline
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8469
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8435
Who:
GLaDOS
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8275
Who:
Core 1
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8215
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8004
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7902
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
7765
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7667
Who:
Core 2
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7661
Who:
Announcer
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7523
Who:
Turret
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7494
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7426
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7416
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7411
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7337
Who:
Announcer
Space...
Listens:
7308
Who:
Core 1
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7238
Who:
Announcer
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7119
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7116
Who:
Cave Johnson
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7098
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7096
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7040
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7007
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7001
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6894
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6813
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6812
Who:
Announcer
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6783
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6781
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
6747
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6721
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6695
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6619
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6529
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6446
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6441
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6327
Who:
Announcer
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6222
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6199
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6186
Who:
Wheatley
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6140
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
6104
Who:
Defective Turret
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6103
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
6103
Who:
Turret
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6100
Who:
Cave Johnson
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6093
Who:
Core 1
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6082
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6013
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6002
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5975
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5896
Who:
Wheatley
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5783
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5755
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5741
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5725
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5719
Who:
Turret
[Laughter]
Listens:
5716
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5668
Who:
Core 3
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5655
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5613
Who:
Core 2
I don't understand!
Listens:
5573
Who:
Turret
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5554
Who:
Wheatley
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5551
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5541
Who:
Announcer
Alalalawl
Listens:
5518
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5476
Who:
Core 1
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5414
Who:
Core 2
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5391
Who:
Cave Johnson
Stop it!
Listens:
5356
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5350
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5348
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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