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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
17327
Who:
Announcer
SHUT UP!
Listens:
16694
Who:
Wheatley
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16639
Who:
Core 2
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
16007
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14740
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14101
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
13702
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13196
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12488
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12237
Who:
Defective Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
12224
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
12168
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12026
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
11915
Who:
Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
10691
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10519
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10391
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10180
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
10162
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
9974
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9470
Who:
Announcer
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
9444
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9342
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9071
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9038
Who:
Caroline
Target acquired.
Listens:
8870
Who:
Turret
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8707
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8519
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8335
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8143
Who:
Core 1
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8138
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8061
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
7963
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7619
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
7542
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7532
Who:
Core 2
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
7525
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7299
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7290
Who:
Announcer
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7199
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7165
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7124
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7103
Who:
Core 1
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7010
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6892
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6856
Who:
Announcer
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6849
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6847
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6820
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6796
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6722
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6699
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
6646
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6617
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
6570
Who:
Announcer
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6564
Who:
Defective Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6517
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6516
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6499
Who:
Announcer
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6473
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6450
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
6391
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6312
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6307
Who:
Core 3
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6299
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5991
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
5989
Who:
Announcer
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5987
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5932
Who:
Core 1
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5915
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
5910
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
5909
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
5892
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5881
Who:
Cave Johnson
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5879
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5873
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5843
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5776
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5776
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5615
Who:
Wheatley
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5565
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5562
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5543
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5540
Who:
Core 3
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5538
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5520
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5517
Who:
Core 2
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5514
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5419
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5367
Who:
Core 1
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5340
Who:
Core 2
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5339
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alalalawl
Listens:
5333
Who:
Turret
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5320
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5314
Who:
Announcer
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5303
Who:
Wheatley
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5203
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5189
Who:
Core 1
Yeah!
Listens:
5188
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5185
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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