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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18362
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
18002
Who:
Announcer
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17987
Who:
Core 3
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16952
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15461
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15000
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14247
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13653
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13346
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13045
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12952
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12777
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12527
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12345
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11539
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10951
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10867
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10619
Who:
Announcer
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10577
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10465
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10444
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10127
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9731
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9636
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9474
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9323
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8973
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8849
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8818
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8675
Who:
Caroline
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8576
Who:
Turret
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8480
Who:
GLaDOS
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8339
Who:
Core 1
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8292
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8175
Who:
Cave Johnson
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7981
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7933
Who:
Announcer
Goodbye
Listens:
7876
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7828
Who:
Announcer
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7777
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7717
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7714
Who:
Core 2
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7623
Who:
Turret
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7586
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7482
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7404
Who:
Core 1
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7328
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7304
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7300
Who:
Cave Johnson
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7250
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7211
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7179
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7164
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7127
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7119
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
6889
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6884
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6864
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6862
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6845
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6827
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6712
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6626
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6524
Who:
Core 3
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6501
Who:
Core 1
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
6498
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6496
Who:
Announcer
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6440
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6359
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6346
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6298
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6268
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6234
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
6217
Who:
Defective Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6212
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6197
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
6170
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6156
Who:
Core 1
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6073
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6049
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5897
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5874
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5862
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5856
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5803
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5802
Who:
Turret
[Laughter]
Listens:
5796
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5762
Who:
Core 3
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5732
Who:
Wheatley
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5666
Who:
Announcer
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5663
Who:
Core 2
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5644
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5625
Who:
Turret
Alalalawl
Listens:
5575
Who:
Turret
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5527
Who:
Wheatley
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5521
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5512
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5455
Who:
Core 2
Stop it!
Listens:
5443
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5421
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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