Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
SHUT UP!
Listens:
18268
Who:
Wheatley
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17941
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
17595
Who:
Announcer
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16897
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15377
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14854
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14166
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13581
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13192
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
12887
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12882
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12683
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12442
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12299
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11394
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10825
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10809
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10574
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10433
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10385
Who:
Turret
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10330
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10021
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9676
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9542
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9362
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9284
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8938
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8765
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8636
Who:
Caroline
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8623
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8520
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8319
Who:
Core 1
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8307
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8200
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8067
Who:
Cave Johnson
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7835
Who:
Announcer
Goodbye
Listens:
7834
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7698
Who:
Core 2
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7666
Who:
Announcer
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7657
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7652
Who:
Announcer
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7634
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7582
Who:
Turret
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7518
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7453
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7365
Who:
Core 1
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7233
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7231
Who:
Cave Johnson
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7198
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7178
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7161
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7144
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7099
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7023
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7015
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
6842
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6832
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6831
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6826
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6785
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6769
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6659
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6592
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6491
Who:
Core 3
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6481
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6433
Who:
Announcer
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6321
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6287
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6261
Who:
Turret
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6247
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6232
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
6182
Who:
Defective Turret
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6170
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
6145
Who:
Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6138
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6133
Who:
Core 1
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
6133
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6128
Who:
Cave Johnson
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6047
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6015
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5850
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5845
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5812
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5793
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodnight
Listens:
5778
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5773
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5765
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5726
Who:
Core 3
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5671
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5635
Who:
Core 2
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5619
Who:
Announcer
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5602
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5596
Who:
Turret
Alalalawl
Listens:
5548
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5501
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5472
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5453
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5435
Who:
Core 2
Stop it!
Listens:
5406
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5395
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
