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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
17528
Who:
Announcer
SHUT UP!
Listens:
17094
Who:
Wheatley
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16674
Who:
Core 2
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
16166
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14807
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14266
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
13751
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13237
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12525
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
12340
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12282
Who:
Defective Turret
Critical error
Listens:
12230
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12068
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
11994
Who:
Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
10755
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10553
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10427
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10206
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
10202
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
10042
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9546
Who:
Announcer
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
9523
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9376
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9126
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9071
Who:
Caroline
Target acquired.
Listens:
8926
Who:
Turret
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8723
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8557
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8374
Who:
Caroline
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8194
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8159
Who:
Core 1
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8121
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8004
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7656
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
7636
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye
Listens:
7592
Who:
Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7549
Who:
Core 2
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7344
Who:
Announcer
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7338
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7227
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7204
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7179
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7133
Who:
Core 1
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7074
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6925
Who:
Announcer
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6922
Who:
Cave Johnson
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6903
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6882
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6851
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6836
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6773
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6713
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
6691
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
6684
Who:
Announcer
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6651
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6587
Who:
Defective Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6575
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6554
Who:
Announcer
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6552
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6505
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6471
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
6453
Who:
Wheatley
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6335
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6330
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6328
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6038
Who:
Announcer
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6024
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6019
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
5982
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5968
Who:
Core 1
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5939
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
5939
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
5928
Who:
Defective Turret
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5924
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5919
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5911
Who:
Cave Johnson
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5856
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5807
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5803
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5659
Who:
Wheatley
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5596
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5587
Who:
Turret
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5572
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5568
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5566
Who:
Core 3
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5555
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5550
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5526
Who:
Core 2
I don't understand!
Listens:
5441
Who:
Turret
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5384
Who:
Cave Johnson
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5384
Who:
Core 1
Alalalawl
Listens:
5363
Who:
Turret
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5361
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5354
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5351
Who:
Core 2
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5349
Who:
Announcer
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5231
Who:
Cave Johnson
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5209
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5208
Who:
Core 1
Yeah!
Listens:
5206
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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