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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
18536
Who:
Announcer
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18455
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18054
Who:
Core 3
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16989
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15573
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15241
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14350
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13718
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13627
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13328
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
13043
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12876
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12620
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12380
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11733
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
11080
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10951
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10907
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10690
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10520
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10488
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10265
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9794
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9782
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9606
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9397
Who:
Caroline
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
9186
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9000
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8891
Who:
Core 3
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8756
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8723
Who:
Caroline
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8642
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8409
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
8397
Who:
Announcer
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8372
Who:
Core 1
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8277
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
8164
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8080
Who:
Announcer
Goodbye
Listens:
7958
Who:
Turret
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7878
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7856
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7757
Who:
Core 2
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7729
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7671
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7551
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7541
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
7433
Who:
Core 1
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7408
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7395
Who:
Cave Johnson
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7345
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7288
Who:
Announcer
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7284
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7255
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7237
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7175
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
6972
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
6961
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6951
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6946
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6901
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6898
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6855
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6759
Who:
Defective Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6677
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6661
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6599
Who:
Announcer
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6557
Who:
Core 3
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6532
Who:
Core 1
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6476
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6434
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6345
Who:
Cave Johnson
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6337
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6336
Who:
Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6322
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6257
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
6257
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
6207
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6183
Who:
Core 1
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6114
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6096
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5986
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5971
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5930
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5909
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5858
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5847
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5829
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5817
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5796
Who:
Core 3
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5754
Who:
Announcer
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5720
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5684
Who:
Core 2
I don't understand!
Listens:
5676
Who:
Turret
Alalalawl
Listens:
5611
Who:
Turret
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5586
Who:
Wheatley
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5562
Who:
Cave Johnson
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5543
Who:
Core 1
Stop it!
Listens:
5504
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5467
Who:
Core 2
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5456
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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