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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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SHUT UP!
Listens:
17949
Who:
Wheatley
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17898
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
17252
Who:
Announcer
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16858
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15308
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14764
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14117
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13531
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13037
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
12812
Who:
Turret
Critical error
Listens:
12796
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12623
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12382
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12264
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11273
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10778
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10717
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10489
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10407
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10344
Who:
Turret
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10155
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9935
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9633
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9467
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9290
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9249
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8914
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8721
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8602
Who:
Caroline
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8515
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8498
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8288
Who:
Core 1
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8271
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8100
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7991
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
7805
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7751
Who:
Announcer
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7678
Who:
Core 2
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7570
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7546
Who:
Turret
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7524
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7506
Who:
Announcer
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7460
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7446
Who:
Announcer
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7436
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7322
Who:
Core 1
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7159
Who:
Cave Johnson
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7159
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7139
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7128
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7097
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7089
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7050
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6966
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6906
Who:
Announcer
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6817
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6804
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6799
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
6794
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6740
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6735
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6635
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6562
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6467
Who:
Core 3
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6457
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6380
Who:
Announcer
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6249
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6245
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6231
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6191
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6185
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
6151
Who:
Defective Turret
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6136
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
6122
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6108
Who:
Core 1
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6099
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6077
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6018
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5996
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5994
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5817
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5780
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5779
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5750
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5745
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5735
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5712
Who:
Cave Johnson
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5687
Who:
Core 3
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5621
Who:
Core 2
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5614
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
5578
Who:
Turret
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5577
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5574
Who:
Announcer
Alalalawl
Listens:
5531
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5485
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5423
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5420
Who:
Core 2
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5396
Who:
Wheatley
Stop it!
Listens:
5382
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5365
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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