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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2631
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2629
Who:
Core 1
Hello?
Listens:
2629
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2626
Who:
Core 3
Crap.
Listens:
2624
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2616
Who:
Wheatley
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2611
Who:
Core 3
[laughs]
Listens:
2598
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
2597
Who:
Core 1
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2587
Who:
Turret
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2581
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2565
Who:
Turret
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2560
Who:
Announcer
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2548
Who:
Wheatley
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2542
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2541
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2540
Who:
Cave Johnson
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2538
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
2538
Who:
Turret
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2538
Who:
Turret
There you are
Listens:
2531
Who:
Turret
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2526
Who:
Core 3
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2526
Who:
GLaDOS
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2518
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2516
Who:
Caroline
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2509
Who:
Defective Turret
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2496
Who:
Core 1
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2490
Who:
Cave Johnson
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2458
Who:
Announcer
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2451
Who:
Core 3
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2448
Who:
Announcer
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2448
Who:
Defective Turret
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2437
Who:
Core 3
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2427
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2406
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2406
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2404
Who:
Core 2
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2396
Who:
Wheatley
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
2396
Who:
Turret
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2391
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2390
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2387
Who:
Core 2
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2382
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2378
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2363
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2362
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
2341
Who:
Turret
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2338
Who:
GLaDOS
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2335
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2334
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
2333
Who:
Turret
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2331
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2325
Who:
Core 1
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2322
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2321
Who:
Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2312
Who:
GLaDOS
Whee!
Listens:
2304
Who:
Turret
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2302
Who:
Defective Turret
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2301
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2299
Who:
Wheatley
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2297
Who:
Announcer
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2296
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2290
Who:
Defective Turret
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2287
Who:
Core 1
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2280
Who:
Core 3
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2275
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2271
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2267
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2257
Who:
Announcer
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2257
Who:
GLaDOS
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2247
Who:
Cave Johnson
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2242
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2234
Who:
Core 2
This is not good.
Listens:
2204
Who:
Turret
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2191
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2182
Who:
Caroline
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2178
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2172
Who:
Announcer
Hi there!
Listens:
2172
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2157
Who:
Core 1
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2154
Who:
Core 2
Ahahaha
Listens:
2153
Who:
Turret
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2152
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2150
Who:
Cave Johnson
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2148
Who:
Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2145
Who:
Wheatley
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2145
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2140
Who:
Cave Johnson
NO.
Listens:
2134
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
2126
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
2122
Who:
Defective Turret
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2109
Who:
Cave Johnson
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2108
Who:
Cave Johnson
Who's there?
Listens:
2108
Who:
Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2106
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
2105
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2100
Who:
Announcer
Coming through!
Listens:
2096
Who:
Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
2096
Who:
Turret
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2096
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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