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Portal 2
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Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2485
Who:
Core 3
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2472
Who:
Turret
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2454
Who:
Turret
I'm in space.
Listens:
2449
Who:
Core 1
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2444
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2440
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2437
Who:
Wheatley
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2432
Who:
Cave Johnson
There you are
Listens:
2426
Who:
Turret
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2420
Who:
Defective Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
2416
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2411
Who:
Turret
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2405
Who:
GLaDOS
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2402
Who:
Announcer
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2396
Who:
Core 1
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2395
Who:
Caroline
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2384
Who:
Core 3
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2376
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
2372
Who:
Turret
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2365
Who:
Cave Johnson
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2364
Who:
GLaDOS
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2356
Who:
Announcer
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2355
Who:
GLaDOS
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2349
Who:
Core 3
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2311
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2307
Who:
Wheatley
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2298
Who:
Core 2
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2295
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2291
Who:
Wheatley
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2287
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2283
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2279
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2274
Who:
Core 1
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2274
Who:
Core 3
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2274
Who:
Defective Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2272
Who:
Announcer
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2270
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2262
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2259
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2259
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2252
Who:
Core 2
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2245
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2234
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2232
Who:
GLaDOS
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2230
Who:
Defective Turret
Target aquired.
Listens:
2222
Who:
Turret
Gotcha!
Listens:
2221
Who:
Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2209
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2209
Who:
Turret
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2205
Who:
Announcer
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2204
Who:
Wheatley
Whee!
Listens:
2199
Who:
Turret
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2195
Who:
Defective Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2187
Who:
Wheatley
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2184
Who:
Core 3
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2178
Who:
GLaDOS
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2176
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2157
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2155
Who:
Announcer
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2149
Who:
Core 2
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2149
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2141
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2138
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2124
Who:
Caroline
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2117
Who:
Core 1
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2116
Who:
Cave Johnson
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2114
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2107
Who:
Wheatley
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2095
Who:
Announcer
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2083
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hi there!
Listens:
2081
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahahaha
Listens:
2075
Who:
Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2068
Who:
Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2066
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2058
Who:
Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
2051
Who:
Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2044
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
2043
Who:
Turret
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2041
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2038
Who:
Announcer
We're back!
Listens:
2031
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2030
Who:
Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2026
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2025
Who:
Defective Turret
There you are
Listens:
2023
Who:
Turret
Coming through!
Listens:
2020
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
2017
Who:
Turret
NO.
Listens:
2012
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2007
Who:
Core 3
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2005
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blah.
Listens:
2005
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1997
Who:
Core 2
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1992
Who:
Core 3
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1978
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1974
Who:
Cave Johnson
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1974
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1965
Who:
Announcer
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1960
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1952
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blah.
Listens:
1948
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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