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Portal 2
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You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2341
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
2338
Who:
Core 1
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2331
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2326
Who:
Core 1
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2317
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2305
Who:
Defective Turret
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2303
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2299
Who:
Announcer
There you are
Listens:
2296
Who:
Turret
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2293
Who:
Wheatley
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2286
Who:
Turret
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2276
Who:
Core 3
[laughs]
Listens:
2271
Who:
Wheatley
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2267
Who:
Core 3
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2266
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2257
Who:
Cave Johnson
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2255
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2243
Who:
Turret
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2234
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
2234
Who:
Turret
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2230
Who:
Core 2
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2223
Who:
Announcer
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2222
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2193
Who:
GLaDOS
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2192
Who:
Core 3
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2185
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2182
Who:
Caroline
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2181
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2172
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2168
Who:
Core 1
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2166
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2161
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2156
Who:
Core 2
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2146
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2138
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2134
Who:
Wheatley
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2130
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2123
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotcha!
Listens:
2118
Who:
Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2117
Who:
Announcer
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2109
Who:
Cave Johnson
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2108
Who:
Defective Turret
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2097
Who:
Core 3
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2097
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2096
Who:
Core 2
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2091
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2091
Who:
Turret
Target aquired.
Listens:
2089
Who:
Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2079
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2075
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2068
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2065
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2058
Who:
Announcer
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2057
Who:
GLaDOS
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2050
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2030
Who:
Announcer
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2030
Who:
Caroline
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2028
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2027
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2024
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2011
Who:
Cave Johnson
Whee!
Listens:
2011
Who:
Turret
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2002
Who:
Core 1
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2001
Who:
Announcer
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2001
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1993
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1988
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1983
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
1977
Who:
Turret
Hi there!
Listens:
1968
Who:
Defective Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
1964
Who:
Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1956
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
1955
Who:
Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
1953
Who:
Turret
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
1936
Who:
Turret
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1935
Who:
Cave Johnson
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1934
Who:
Announcer
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1934
Who:
Core 3
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1934
Who:
Core 2
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1934
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1926
Who:
Core 3
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
1926
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1924
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
1919
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1917
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
1916
Who:
Turret
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1913
Who:
Cave Johnson
Coming through!
Listens:
1912
Who:
Turret
There you are
Listens:
1909
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
1908
Who:
Turret
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1884
Who:
Wheatley
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1876
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
1874
Who:
Announcer
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1864
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1862
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1861
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
1858
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1850
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1849
Who:
Announcer
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1845
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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