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[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2605
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2601
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2598
Who:
Core 3
Crap.
Listens:
2598
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2586
Who:
Wheatley
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2585
Who:
Announcer
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2584
Who:
Core 3
I'm in space.
Listens:
2575
Who:
Core 1
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2557
Who:
Turret
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2554
Who:
GLaDOS
[laughs]
Listens:
2546
Who:
Wheatley
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2539
Who:
Turret
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2527
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2520
Who:
Turret
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2515
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2510
Who:
Turret
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2503
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2502
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2501
Who:
Announcer
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2499
Who:
GLaDOS
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2497
Who:
Core 3
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2495
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2494
Who:
Caroline
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2491
Who:
Core 1
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2486
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2485
Who:
Defective Turret
Why?
Listens:
2468
Who:
Turret
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2441
Who:
Cave Johnson
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2439
Who:
Core 3
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2426
Who:
Announcer
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2423
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2404
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2392
Who:
Core 3
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2379
Who:
Core 2
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2376
Who:
Core 2
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2374
Who:
Announcer
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2367
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2366
Who:
Defective Turret
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2365
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2357
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2354
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2351
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2333
Who:
Announcer
Target aquired.
Listens:
2329
Who:
Turret
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2317
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2317
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2313
Who:
Core 1
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2310
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
2307
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2300
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2290
Who:
Wheatley
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2289
Who:
Cave Johnson
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2288
Who:
Defective Turret
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2284
Who:
Core 1
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2276
Who:
Wheatley
Whee!
Listens:
2271
Who:
Turret
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2269
Who:
Wheatley
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2263
Who:
Core 3
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2261
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2261
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2257
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2253
Who:
Defective Turret
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2252
Who:
Announcer
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2251
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2243
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2237
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2234
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2228
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2225
Who:
Core 2
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2217
Who:
Announcer
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2206
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2198
Who:
Wheatley
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
2186
Who:
Turret
This is not good.
Listens:
2180
Who:
Turret
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2171
Who:
Caroline
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2171
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
2160
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2147
Who:
Core 1
Ahahaha
Listens:
2141
Who:
Turret
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2135
Who:
Announcer
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2126
Who:
Core 2
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2125
Who:
Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2118
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2117
Who:
Wheatley
NO.
Listens:
2113
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2112
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2109
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2101
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2099
Who:
Turret
We're back!
Listens:
2098
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
2093
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2093
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2092
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2088
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
2087
Who:
Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
2086
Who:
Turret
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2080
Who:
Cave Johnson
Coming through!
Listens:
2078
Who:
Turret
There you are
Listens:
2076
Who:
Turret
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2074
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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