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Portal 2
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Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
752
Who:
GLaDOS
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
752
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
751
Who:
Wheatley
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
747
Who:
Core 2
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried.
Listens:
747
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
745
Who:
Core 1
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 3
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 3
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 2
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
733
Who:
Core 3
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
732
Who:
Defective Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
731
Who:
Core 3
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
729
Who:
Core 3
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
729
Who:
Turret
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 3
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
723
Who:
Wheatley
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Core transfer?
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
721
Who:
Defective Turret
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
718
Who:
Defective Turret
I lied.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Briefly.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
709
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
708
Who:
Core 3
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
704
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
704
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
700
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
697
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
One
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
690
Who:
Core 3
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
688
Who:
Turret
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
687
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
685
Who:
Turret
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
Good shot!
Listens:
683
Who:
Turret
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
682
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
681
Who:
Turret
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
679
Who:
Core 2
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
677
Who:
Core 3
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
674
Who:
Defective Turret
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
674
Who:
Defective Turret
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
672
Who:
Core 2
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
672
Who:
GLaDOS
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
670
Who:
Core 2
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
670
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
669
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
668
Who:
Core 3
Wow.
Listens:
667
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
666
Who:
Defective Turret
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
666
Who:
Turret
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
OW.
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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