Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1967
Who:
Announcer
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
981
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
2712
Who:
Wheatley
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
3855
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1426
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
441
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
606
Who:
Defective Turret
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
626
Who:
Core 3
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
112098
Who:
Core 2
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1013
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2281
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
42382
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1952
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3623
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, plug me in!
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
935
Who:
Core 3
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3568
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1590
Who:
GLaDOS
Try it now.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
The end?
Listens:
1196
Who:
GLaDOS
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1022
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
I can't hold on! Come on!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1693
Who:
Core 3
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
999
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Incoherent.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4179
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1980
Who:
Cave Johnson
Timid.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4583
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1587
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you OK?
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
794
Who:
Defective Turret
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
729
Who:
Wheatley
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1756
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
132226
Who:
GLaDOS
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
46679
Who:
GLaDOS
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7144
Who:
GLaDOS
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange what did you do?
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5215
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1394
Who:
Caroline
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2585
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
714
Who:
Defective Turret
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1390
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on...
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
546
Who:
Core 3
This isn't fair!
Listens:
625
Who:
Defective Turret
GET IN!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6437
Who:
Announcer
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
2962
Who:
Announcer
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1855
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
551
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
560
Who:
Core 3
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
916
Who:
Core 2
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
785
Who:
Defective Turret
[laugh]
Listens:
40189
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
847
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
