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Portal 2
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As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1127
Who:
Cave Johnson
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
The other? Well...
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think the electrical switch was down there?
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
811
Who:
Core 3
Press the button again.
Listens:
1070
Who:
GLaDOS
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2175
Who:
Wheatley
Go on!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
Nap time
Listens:
3342
Who:
Turret
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Irritable.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
657
Who:
Core 2
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Riggght now.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4387
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
18923
Who:
Cave Johnson
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Finish it...
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8723
Who:
Caroline
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3675
Who:
Announcer
Do not do it!
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1874
Who:
Core 1
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4323
Who:
Turret
Keep moving, keep moving...
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
No hard fealings
Listens:
1073
Who:
Turret
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
686
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1223
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
888
Who:
GLaDOS
Arsonist.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
How was that?
Listens:
373
Who:
Defective Turret
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1636
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
670
Who:
Core 2
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1298
Who:
Core 1
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2060
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
18536
Who:
Announcer
See that?
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2630
Who:
Announcer
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2425
Who:
Cave Johnson
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 3
Target aquired.
Listens:
2280
Who:
Turret
This is trouble.
Listens:
920
Who:
Defective Turret
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1623
Who:
Turret
Try something.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to jump across.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
871
Who:
Wheatley
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
791
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
1225
Who:
Turret
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
669
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1313
Who:
Announcer
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1185
Who:
Wheatley
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2186
Who:
Core 2
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1108
Who:
Core 3
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
875
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
1379
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3932
Who:
Wheatley
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3682
Who:
Announcer
You did it!
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
2053
Who:
GLaDOS
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
2876
Who:
Core 1
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
27246
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4373
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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