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Portal 2
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[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6961
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1133
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6052
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1175
Who:
Core 3
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1842
Who:
Announcer
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
719
Who:
Wheatley
Good!
Listens:
2773
Who:
Announcer
Take me with you...
Listens:
904
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
981
Who:
Core 1
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't hold on! Come on!
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
599
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1193
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
2545
Who:
Wheatley
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
We're running out of time...
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
23237
Who:
Wheatley
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
932
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do not press that button!
Listens:
795
Who:
Wheatley
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2169
Who:
Announcer
That's the spirit!
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1203
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
703
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1485
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
Listens:
67556
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1745
Who:
Wheatley
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
3954
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
346
Who:
Defective Turret
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1006
Who:
Defective Turret
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Ow!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
20600
Who:
GLaDOS
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2296
Who:
Core 3
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Core transfer?
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
757
Who:
Core 3
I just hate Blue a little more.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4038
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
829
Who:
Announcer
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
889
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 3
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2849
Who:
Core 3
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1408
Who:
Wheatley
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! How long's the door been open?
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1544
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Core 3
I made it all up.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4618
Who:
Announcer
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5609
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
548
Who:
Defective Turret
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1210
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4526
Who:
Wheatley
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1290
Who:
Defective Turret
[Laughter]
Listens:
5590
Who:
GLaDOS
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay!
Listens:
383
Who:
Defective Turret
Let's go in!
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
19213
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2119
Who:
Core 2
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1538
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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