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Portal 2
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*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1166
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2106
Who:
Turret
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
777
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
2311
Who:
Turret
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1621
Who:
Defective Turret
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
929
Who:
Announcer
Take me with you...
Listens:
970
Who:
Turret
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
886
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
968
Who:
Announcer
You're doing great!
Listens:
451
Who:
Core 2
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2067
Who:
Cave Johnson
Crap.
Listens:
2560
Who:
Defective Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5888
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Get ready for it!
Listens:
371
Who:
Defective Turret
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3711
Who:
Announcer
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1678
Who:
Core 3
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6870
Who:
GLaDOS
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
768
Who:
GLaDOS
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1668
Who:
GLaDOS
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2325
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
I won't let you down!
Listens:
411
Who:
Defective Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
984
Who:
Announcer
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
770
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
723
Who:
Wheatley
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4734
Who:
Announcer
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
26697
Who:
Core 2
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
694
Who:
Core 3
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
519
Who:
Core 2
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
1010
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Alright.
Listens:
391
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18523
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
29362
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotcha!
Listens:
2287
Who:
Turret
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2619
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
883
Who:
Wheatley
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
368
Who:
Defective Turret
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1169
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1111
Who:
Core 1
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
471
Who:
Defective Turret
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores directions.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 3
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 2
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
For safety.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
135367
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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