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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5744
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
No variances detected.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1929
Who:
Announcer
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Irritable.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
961
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
6290
Who:
Turret
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me
Listens:
2082
Who:
Turret
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20987
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4460
Who:
Core 3
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1404
Who:
GLaDOS
Antisocial.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2968
Who:
Core 3
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1403
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and that's what you do?
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
New template accepted.
Listens:
1428
Who:
Announcer
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1557
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
7010
Who:
Wheatley
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1587
Who:
Core 3
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1296
Who:
Turret
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1401
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space?
Listens:
1048
Who:
Core 1
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1906
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Riggght now.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1082
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3785
Who:
Core 2
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5505
Who:
Core 2
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
582
Who:
Core 2
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1418
Who:
Wheatley
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
51192
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is huge.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3365
Who:
Cave Johnson
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
She's bringing the whole place down! Hurry!
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3612
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
2045
Who:
Cave Johnson
Owww!
Listens:
966
Who:
Turret
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3393
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
28969
Who:
Announcer
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
956
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay!
Listens:
432
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't want this!
Listens:
19484
Who:
Caroline
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5473
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
1469
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Core 1
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
933
Who:
Announcer
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1911
Who:
Announcer
Just stop it already.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
472
Who:
Core 2
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1052
Who:
Core 1
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1864
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
1058
Who:
Turret
Well, I tried.
Listens:
863
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes sir!
Listens:
3991
Who:
Caroline
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
499
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Listens:
1801
Who:
Cave Johnson
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
21034
Who:
Core 1
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1166
Who:
Announcer
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1265
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38599
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
549
Who:
Core 3
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1781
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
1057
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1864
Who:
Core 3
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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