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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4338
Who:
Turret
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2286
Who:
Turret
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4428
Who:
Announcer
Oh, come on!
Listens:
610
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1668
Who:
Wheatley
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2278
Who:
Core 1
Hello.
Listens:
949
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2973
Who:
Turret
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
[humming]
Listens:
1841
Who:
Core 1
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1364
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
3128
Who:
Caroline
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2467
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
659
Who:
Core 3
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2990
Who:
Cave Johnson
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1872
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
2007
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3939
Who:
Defective Turret
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
These things happen.
Listens:
3482
Who:
Turret
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
12741
Who:
Turret
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1222
Who:
Defective Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2950
Who:
Wheatley
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1110
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1206
Who:
Core 1
Hello?
Listens:
5036
Who:
Turret
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
948
Who:
Wheatley
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43282
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1556
Who:
Announcer
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Defective Turret
Run!
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
581
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1975
Who:
Core 1
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Wheatley
Owww!
Listens:
964
Who:
Turret
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3220
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1077
Who:
Wheatley
We're in space!
Listens:
2610
Who:
Wheatley
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and that's what you do?
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh. What?
Listens:
909
Who:
Wheatley
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3356
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
You asked for this!
Listens:
410
Who:
Defective Turret
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
34802
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Core 1
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth.
Listens:
1734
Who:
Core 1
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3492
Who:
Turret
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4336
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8725
Who:
Turret
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1614
Who:
Core 1
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
Carry on.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
580
Who:
Defective Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2066
Who:
Cave Johnson
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
5115
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Ungh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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