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In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
And off we go.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Announcer
Get in the lift.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
6530
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1248
Who:
Core 1
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1725
Who:
GLaDOS
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
18415
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3144
Who:
Announcer
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
105336
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, solve it!
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1485
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 1
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4087
Who:
Announcer
I need backup!
Listens:
653
Who:
Turret
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
304478
Who:
Announcer
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
508
Who:
Core 3
AH!
Listens:
3920
Who:
Wheatley
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Finish it...
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh...
Listens:
426
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1848
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6964
Who:
Cave Johnson
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
965
Who:
Wheatley
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14926
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1614
Who:
Core 1
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1604
Who:
Cave Johnson
It burns.
Listens:
2695
Who:
Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1096
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2360
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want this!
Listens:
18382
Who:
Caroline
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
We are?
Listens:
628
Who:
Core 1
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
877
Who:
Defective Turret
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2116
Who:
Announcer
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2132
Who:
Wheatley
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