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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1814
Who:
Cave Johnson
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2248
Who:
Core 3
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
538
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
427
Who:
Defective Turret
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1219
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
419
Who:
Core 2
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
864
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1412
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3624
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
19252
Who:
Turret
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
66284
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
3865
Who:
Wheatley
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2348
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
396
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
492
Who:
Core 2
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
126320
Who:
GLaDOS
Was that necessary?
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
880
Who:
Wheatley
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1311
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2360
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
718
Who:
Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6621
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
787
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
942
Who:
Core 1
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here.
Listens:
234
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
96799
Who:
Core 1
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
655
Who:
Core 3
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
731
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1679
Who:
Wheatley
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
102450
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
735
Who:
Wheatley
I won't let you down!
Listens:
336
Who:
Defective Turret
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16528
Who:
Core 2
Deploying
Listens:
2783
Who:
Turret
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1238
Who:
Wheatley
Sir!
Listens:
1235
Who:
Caroline
Take me with you...
Listens:
1114
Who:
Turret
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2234
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
17148
Who:
Core 1
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5519
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
235
Who:
Wheatley
It flew off.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
470
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
627
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 1
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6492
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1174
Who:
GLaDOS
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
45948
Who:
Cave Johnson
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space?
Listens:
935
Who:
Core 1
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
71574
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
638922
Who:
Cave Johnson
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
239
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
1866
Who:
Turret
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4262
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
2948
Who:
Core 3
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1268
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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