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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
950
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6544
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1788
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I help you?
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1162
Who:
Turret
Until now.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1347
Who:
Core 1
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 2
Press the button!
Listens:
1398
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go!
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing great!
Listens:
452
Who:
Core 2
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1796
Who:
Caroline
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
462491
Who:
Core 1
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3733
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 2
Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2788
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2948
Who:
Wheatley
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1576
Who:
GLaDOS
You KNOW her?
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 1
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
924
Who:
Defective Turret
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1452
Who:
Core 1
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1074
Who:
Defective Turret
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2629
Who:
Wheatley
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5819
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
1087
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
759
Who:
Core 3
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
579
Who:
Defective Turret
You did very well.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1400
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
Shutting down
Listens:
13984
Who:
Turret
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1632
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
682
Who:
Core 3
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
[Laughter]
Listens:
5873
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5972
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32761
Who:
GLaDOS
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
314057
Who:
Announcer
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
830
Who:
Turret
What was that?
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2620
Who:
GLaDOS
Always cold.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1373
Who:
Defective Turret
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2235
Who:
Core 3
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
943
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1040
Who:
Core 1
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2622
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2330
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
571
Who:
Defective Turret
I swear I know him...
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
758
Who:
Defective Turret
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
407
Who:
Defective Turret
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3748
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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