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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
370
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
170
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
3680
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1029
Who:
Wheatley
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1229
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
30612
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
1814
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
165
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
21754
Who:
Caroline
Never completes work.
Listens:
179
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1458
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
447
Who:
Core 3
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
18365
Who:
Core 1
My fault
Listens:
914
Who:
Turret
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
252
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
476
Who:
Turret
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
161
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Ha ha ha!
Listens:
239
Who:
Defective Turret
Deploying
Listens:
2202
Who:
Turret
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2005
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
951
Who:
Core 3
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you bested me this time.
Listens:
255
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1232
Who:
Wheatley
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
752
Who:
Announcer
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
5474
Who:
Core 1
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Core 3
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
440
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
828
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1327
Who:
Defective Turret
NO!
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
227
Who:
Wheatley
For safety.
Listens:
213
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
It's eating me.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
171
Who:
Wheatley
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
2626
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1193
Who:
GLaDOS
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
201
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
952
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
2306
Who:
Announcer
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1089
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
19418
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
180
Who:
GLaDOS
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
672
Who:
Core 3
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
166
Who:
Wheatley
Response
Listens:
1722
Who:
Announcer
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
219
Who:
GLaDOS
Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry!
Listens:
165
Who:
Wheatley
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Never listens.
Listens:
231
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
160
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
2174
Who:
Turret
Go on.
Listens:
172
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
69468
Who:
Announcer
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Listens:
160
Who:
Wheatley
It burns.
Listens:
1965
Who:
Turret
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Announcer
Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
Listens:
159
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1052
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
193
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
861
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Listens:
17107
Who:
Wheatley
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
167
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, come on!
Listens:
303
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
2485
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
767
Who:
Turret
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
164
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
Progress report: Still pretty tricky!
Listens:
168
Who:
Wheatley
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
3354
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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