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You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
12990
Who:
Core 1
There. Fixed.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
4763
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
2399
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
128
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
130
Who:
Wheatley
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
128
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
12831
Who:
Core 1
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
80580
Who:
Wheatley
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Listens:
131
Who:
Wheatley
Good luck!
Listens:
162
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
704
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
127
Who:
Wheatley
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
249
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
250
Who:
Turret
Is anyone there?
Listens:
4844
Who:
Turret
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
202
Who:
Wheatley
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
414
Who:
Turret
Reactions?
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, come on!
Listens:
225
Who:
Defective Turret
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
2281
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
2411
Who:
Wheatley
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Listens:
132
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
219
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?
Listens:
127
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
128
Who:
GLaDOS
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1296
Who:
Wheatley
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
134
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
14640
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
2324
Who:
Defective Turret
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
223
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
6475
Who:
Turret
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
130
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
1677
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
1352
Who:
Announcer
Come to gloat?
Listens:
138
Who:
GLaDOS
SPACE!
Listens:
14180
Who:
Wheatley
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
35959
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.
Listens:
200
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Carry on.
Listens:
129
Who:
Wheatley
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
132
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
991
Who:
Core 1
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
375
Who:
Core 3
Oh!
Listens:
531
Who:
Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
1801
Who:
Turret
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
1546
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1709
Who:
Core 2
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
151
Who:
GLaDOS
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
129
Who:
GLaDOS
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
3015
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
184
Who:
GLaDOS
She is a gem.
Listens:
1702
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1207
Who:
Core 1
We're in space!
Listens:
1549
Who:
Wheatley
Powerup complete.
Listens:
1928
Who:
Announcer
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 3
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
127
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
270
Who:
Turret
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5455
Who:
Cave Johnson
AH!
Listens:
202
Who:
Wheatley
Miss you!
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
412
Who:
Core 3
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
3540
Who:
GLaDOS
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
171
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
216
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
2188
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
462
Who:
Core 2
Do not do it!
Listens:
130
Who:
Wheatley
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
1768
Who:
Turret
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
5957
Who:
Cave Johnson
Antisocial.
Listens:
131
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
1607
Who:
Turret
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1447
Who:
Cave Johnson
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
991
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
920
Who:
Wheatley
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
193
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
163
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa!
Listens:
142
Who:
Wheatley
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
197
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
134
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
215
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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