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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
3373
Who:
Announcer
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
9477
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
2758
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1561
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2020
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1799
Who:
GLaDOS
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
170
Who:
Wheatley
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
168
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh.
Listens:
200
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
171
Who:
Wheatley
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
227
Who:
GLaDOS
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
19243
Who:
Turret
Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
178
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift.
Listens:
192
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
3972
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
3444
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
294
Who:
Defective Turret
Try it now.
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
4358
Who:
Announcer
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay...
Listens:
210
Who:
Wheatley
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Listens:
1329
Who:
Cave Johnson
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1254
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
245
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1868
Who:
Core 1
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
210
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3080
Who:
Announcer
Uhoh
Listens:
621
Who:
Turret
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
70373
Who:
Announcer
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
962
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
3640
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1263
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1261
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
172
Who:
Wheatley
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
171
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button again.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
387
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Listens:
172
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
209
Who:
GLaDOS
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2328
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come back!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1469
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
1708
Who:
Wheatley
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
3591
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
428
Who:
Defective Turret
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores directions.
Listens:
178
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
2740
Who:
GLaDOS
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1195
Who:
Core 2
That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels.
Listens:
223
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, what?
Listens:
333
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
517
Who:
Core 3
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
468
Who:
Core 1
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
5359
Who:
Wheatley
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
41578
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
Help!
Listens:
546
Who:
Turret
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
229
Who:
Wheatley
Insecure.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
784
Who:
Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
760
Who:
Core 1
Orange what did you do?
Listens:
170
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
3335
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
338
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
445
Who:
Core 1
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
This time...
Listens:
339
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
30829
Who:
Core 1
We have to get you out of there!
Listens:
168
Who:
Wheatley
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
Get ready for it!
Listens:
237
Who:
Defective Turret
GO.
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
Hostile to new ideas.
Listens:
171
Who:
GLaDOS
Failure...
Listens:
1261
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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