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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Yes, do do it!
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Stop it!
Listens:
4441
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
596
Who:
Defective Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
894
Who:
Announcer
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Announcer
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
225
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
1674
Who:
Turret
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 1
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
211
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
1938
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
21156
Who:
Wheatley
For your test.
Listens:
212
Who:
Wheatley
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1318
Who:
Wheatley
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
215
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't blame you
Listens:
21079
Who:
Turret
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2078
Who:
Core 2
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
220
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
I lied.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Good!
Listens:
9441
Who:
Announcer
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
213
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1942
Who:
Cave Johnson
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
407
Who:
Core 2
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
615
Who:
Core 3
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
262
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa!
Listens:
226
Who:
Wheatley
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
2898
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
297
Who:
Defective Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
698
Who:
Announcer
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 1
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
214
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, safe travels, there.
Listens:
304
Who:
Defective Turret
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
6312
Who:
Announcer
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
891
Who:
Announcer
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through.
Listens:
209
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
715
Who:
Turret
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
210
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4251
Who:
Cave Johnson
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1204
Who:
GLaDOS
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Defective Turret
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1337
Who:
Cave Johnson
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Listens:
208
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
942
Who:
Turret
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
2825
Who:
Cave Johnson
Run!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
4921
Who:
GLaDOS
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
1937
Who:
Core 3
Right behind me.
Listens:
208
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
What do you think?
Listens:
1176
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
474
Who:
Core 3
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
Door?
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
19681
Who:
Core 1
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
595
Who:
Turret
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
210
Who:
Wheatley
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
211
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh...
Listens:
359
Who:
Defective Turret
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
849
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god.
Listens:
2257
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Do it!
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
887
Who:
Defective Turret
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
1120
Who:
Turret
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
885
Who:
Wheatley
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1305
Who:
Caroline
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
356
Who:
Defective Turret
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
431
Who:
Defective Turret
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
5829
Who:
Announcer
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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