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Portal 2
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You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
617
Who:
Announcer
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
150
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
3174
Who:
GLaDOS
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
Listens:
146
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
935
Who:
GLaDOS
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
2757
Who:
Wheatley
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift.
Listens:
153
Who:
Wheatley
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
1249
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
1658
Who:
Announcer
We're back!
Listens:
1377
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
421
Who:
Defective Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
227
Who:
Defective Turret
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1149
Who:
Core 2
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
1793
Who:
Core 2
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
2174
Who:
Turret
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
1812
Who:
Wheatley
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
334
Who:
Core 3
Hold on -
Listens:
155
Who:
Wheatley
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1180
Who:
GLaDOS
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
209
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
3845
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
829
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
243
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
390
Who:
Core 2
Well played.
Listens:
239
Who:
Defective Turret
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
240
Who:
Defective Turret
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
150
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Wheatley
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1122
Who:
GLaDOS
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
149
Who:
Wheatley
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
Histrionic.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
204
Who:
Wheatley
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
5190
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Core 1
Deploying
Listens:
2103
Who:
Turret
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
990
Who:
Announcer
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Why...
Listens:
1888
Who:
Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
1579
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
25188
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Wheatley
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
151
Who:
Wheatley
Egotistical.
Listens:
150
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1500
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
146
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
3183
Who:
Wheatley
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
31541
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Just turn around.
Listens:
147
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
542
Who:
Turret
*cough* Button.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
150
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
182
Who:
GLaDOS
You will know it when you find it.
Listens:
149
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh dear.
Listens:
501
Who:
Turret
Press the button again.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
157
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
2703
Who:
Cave Johnson
I am!
Listens:
2139
Who:
Caroline
Agh!
Listens:
167
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
1462
Who:
Announcer
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
163
Who:
Wheatley
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
207
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
1685
Who:
Announcer
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
898
Who:
Core 3
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
148
Who:
Wheatley
The other? Well...
Listens:
166
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
150
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
226
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
151
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
392
Who:
Defective Turret
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
1695
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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