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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
920
Who:
Caroline
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
10956
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Go on!
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!
Listens:
192
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
277
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
782
Who:
Defective Turret
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
461
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
3346
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
447
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1614
Who:
Turret
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
130239
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
876
Who:
Core 3
Agh!
Listens:
166
Who:
Wheatley
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
544
Who:
Defective Turret
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
3405
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
168
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
5767
Who:
Cave Johnson
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
Stubborn.
Listens:
148
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
2796
Who:
Cave Johnson
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
892
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
611
Who:
Core 1
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
3540
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
367
Who:
Core 3
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
145
Who:
GLaDOS
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
145
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
878
Who:
Core 3
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
697
Who:
Wheatley
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
156
Who:
GLaDOS
Get mad!
Listens:
24699
Who:
Turret
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
345
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
662
Who:
Core 1
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
825
Who:
Announcer
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
224
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1184
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
147
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
24512
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
4774
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey.
Listens:
392
Who:
Core 1
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
371
Who:
Core 3
You only failed
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
1986
Who:
Core 3
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
21026
Who:
Caroline
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
150
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
173
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
484
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
940
Who:
Wheatley
Whee!
Listens:
1287
Who:
Turret
Good luck!
Listens:
191
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Problems with authority.
Listens:
167
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
159
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
177
Who:
Wheatley
Not so fast!
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Timid.
Listens:
153
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1809
Who:
Wheatley
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
18104
Who:
Caroline
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
556
Who:
Core 2
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
187
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
Listens:
194
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
555
Who:
Defective Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
793
Who:
Announcer
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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