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Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
35299
Who:
Cave Johnson
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
1552
Who:
Core 1
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
201
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
220
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
123
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through.
Listens:
124
Who:
Wheatley
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
198
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god.
Listens:
1616
Who:
GLaDOS
The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.
Listens:
179
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1077
Who:
Wheatley
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
122
Who:
GLaDOS
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Wheatley
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
468
Who:
Defective Turret
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
123
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
1448
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
884
Who:
Core 1
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1052
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
667
Who:
Wheatley
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
162
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
157
Who:
GLaDOS
Well played.
Listens:
190
Who:
Defective Turret
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
16694
Who:
Announcer
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
1700
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
124
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
199
Who:
Defective Turret
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
136
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
2870
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
143
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, let's do this.
Listens:
199
Who:
Defective Turret
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
140
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
216
Who:
Wheatley
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1012
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
125
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Do it!
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
What was that?
Listens:
139
Who:
Wheatley
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1013
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1058
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Wheatley
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?
Listens:
134
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
170
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
678
Who:
Defective Turret
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
245
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
199
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
178
Who:
Wheatley
Put me down!
Listens:
455
Who:
Turret
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
123
Who:
Wheatley
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
Listens:
128
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want this!
Listens:
13653
Who:
Caroline
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
124
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, safe travels, there.
Listens:
183
Who:
Defective Turret
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
2968
Who:
Core 2
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
Listens:
126
Who:
GLaDOS
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2105
Who:
Core 3
Is anyone there?
Listens:
4712
Who:
Turret
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
195
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
127
Who:
Wheatley
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
13623
Who:
Cave Johnson
Orange is awarded five points!
Listens:
137
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
1569
Who:
Core 1
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
189
Who:
Wheatley
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
188
Who:
Defective Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
622
Who:
Turret
Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
204
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
149
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Defective Turret
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
6184
Who:
Core 2
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 1
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
2830
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Anxious.
Listens:
125
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
682
Who:
Announcer
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
156
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
602
Who:
Announcer
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1266
Who:
Core 3
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
126
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
518
Who:
Core 1
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
4450
Who:
Core 2
Okay, you win.
Listens:
376
Who:
Turret
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
20377
Who:
Core 2
But that was worth it.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
795
Who:
Announcer
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Orange what did you do?
Listens:
123
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
4207
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
124
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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