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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh]
Listens:
25883
Who:
Cave Johnson
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
140
Who:
GLaDOS
Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you.
Listens:
139
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8781
Who:
Wheatley
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
923
Who:
Core 2
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
250
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
147
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
762
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
239
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
213
Who:
Wheatley
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
203
Who:
Defective Turret
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
168
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
455
Who:
Turret
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
151
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
157
Who:
Wheatley
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
3286
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
18436
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
26871
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
15179
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
784
Who:
Defective Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
3600
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
212
Who:
Wheatley
Please go to space.
Listens:
621
Who:
Core 1
That's all I can say.
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth.
Listens:
1137
Who:
Core 1
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
178
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
4985
Who:
Wheatley
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
141
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
198
Who:
Wheatley
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
499
Who:
Core 3
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
139
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
223
Who:
Wheatley
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
176
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Timid.
Listens:
146
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
There you are! I was starting to get worried.
Listens:
154
Who:
Wheatley
HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
Listens:
164
Who:
Wheatley
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
141
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry
Listens:
1859
Who:
Turret
Ah, crap.
Listens:
725
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
139
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
25484
Who:
Core 2
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
207
Who:
GLaDOS
You did WHAT?
Listens:
2014
Who:
Wheatley
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
537
Who:
Defective Turret
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
199
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you bested me this time.
Listens:
223
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm trouble.
Listens:
194
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
36827
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
138
Who:
GLaDOS
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Listens:
144
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
2479
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
687
Who:
Core 1
You're on your own.
Listens:
146
Who:
GLaDOS
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Wheatley
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1455
Who:
GLaDOS
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Listens:
140
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
1691
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
955
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
141
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
1892
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1038
Who:
GLaDOS
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
530
Who:
Announcer
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Hey
Listens:
507
Who:
Turret
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
Listens:
144
Who:
GLaDOS
Antisocial.
Listens:
151
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
349
Who:
Core 3
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
140
Who:
GLaDOS
Going to space.
Listens:
623
Who:
Core 1
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
142
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
205
Who:
GLaDOS
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
210
Who:
GLaDOS
Egotistical.
Listens:
143
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
709
Who:
Defective Turret
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
227
Who:
Defective Turret
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
508
Who:
Announcer
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
177
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
6239
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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