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Portal 2
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You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks confidence.
Listens:
223
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3072
Who:
Defective Turret
So whatever you're doing, keep doing it!
Listens:
234
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4437
Who:
Cave Johnson
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
62919
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1172
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift.
Listens:
238
Who:
Wheatley
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
218
Who:
GLaDOS
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2361
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
238
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
You can't die in any of those ways.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1588
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
230
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
368
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, plug me in!
Listens:
217
Who:
Wheatley
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
863
Who:
Core 1
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
3224
Who:
GLaDOS
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
No hard fealings
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
Fears conflict.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
657
Who:
Defective Turret
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
219
Who:
GLaDOS
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
216
Who:
GLaDOS
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2413
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1072
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
1041
Who:
Turret
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
228
Who:
Wheatley
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11464
Who:
Core 1
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 2
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
971
Who:
GLaDOS
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
Cryptic.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1747
Who:
Core 2
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
16302
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3215
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa!
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
402
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?
Listens:
230
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
713
Who:
Core 3
Charmless.
Listens:
239
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
446
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
215
Who:
Wheatley
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
221
Who:
Wheatley
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1381
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
3241
Who:
Wheatley
Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Wheatley
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
39109
Who:
Turret
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
233
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
223
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
628
Who:
Core 3
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
441
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
13814
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
742
Who:
Core 3
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
217
Who:
Wheatley
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
2786
Who:
Core 1
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2302
Who:
Core 3
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
225
Who:
Wheatley
Enh!
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
577
Who:
Core 3
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
8405
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores directions.
Listens:
219
Who:
GLaDOS
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
335
Who:
Defective Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1118
Who:
Core 1
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on?
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1099
Who:
Turret
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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