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Portal 2
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Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
Listens:
191
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1127
Who:
Wheatley
Alalalawl
Listens:
4402
Who:
Turret
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2318
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1637
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
646
Who:
Turret
Good!
Listens:
9018
Who:
Announcer
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1416
Who:
Caroline
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
954
Who:
Turret
GAAAA!
Listens:
948
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
413
Who:
Defective Turret
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
1681
Who:
GLaDOS
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Whee!
Listens:
1566
Who:
Turret
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
237
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
996
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
Well played.
Listens:
303
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Sollllve it...
Listens:
208
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
257
Who:
Defective Turret
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
553
Who:
Defective Turret
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1011
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
182
Who:
Wheatley
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
629
Who:
Announcer
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
329
Who:
Core 2
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3018
Who:
Cave Johnson
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
672
Who:
Core 3
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
190
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room.
Listens:
203
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you come over here?
Listens:
2618
Who:
Turret
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
251
Who:
Wheatley
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
312
Who:
Core 2
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1865
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1207
Who:
Caroline
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
186
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
There it is.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1500
Who:
Wheatley
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
220
Who:
Wheatley
Unconstructive.
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
190
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2424
Who:
Wheatley
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
1969
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
357
Who:
Defective Turret
Rgggh!
Listens:
346
Who:
Defective Turret
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
183
Who:
Wheatley
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1237
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
208
Who:
Wheatley
You can't give up now.
Listens:
184
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget!
Listens:
720
Who:
Turret
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
901
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1007
Who:
Defective Turret
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
208
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
1890
Who:
Turret
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
223
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow!
Listens:
223
Who:
Wheatley
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
225
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
630
Who:
Defective Turret
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
259
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
205
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Defective Turret
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1516
Who:
Core 1
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2108
Who:
Wheatley
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
181
Who:
Wheatley
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
187
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
190
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
638
Who:
Turret
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
702667
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Friend.
Listens:
22352
Who:
Turret
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