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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
452
Who:
Defective Turret
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1656
Who:
Cave Johnson
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
192
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3034
Who:
Cave Johnson
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
20004
Who:
Caroline
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
198
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
189
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
5506
Who:
Wheatley
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
222
Who:
GLaDOS
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
643
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
2889
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
90500
Who:
Core 1
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
3557
Who:
Announcer
You both need to do something.
Listens:
193
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
216
Who:
Wheatley
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
209
Who:
GLaDOS
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
203
Who:
Wheatley
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
3660
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5019
Who:
Core 2
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
313
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
190
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
468
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
926
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2433
Who:
Announcer
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
607
Who:
Core 3
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
204
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.
Listens:
231
Who:
Wheatley
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1272
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
2913
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1044
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
219
Who:
Wheatley
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
334
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue receives
Listens:
228
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
791
Who:
GLaDOS
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
190
Who:
Wheatley
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1214
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
205
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
269
Who:
Defective Turret
Right behind me.
Listens:
198
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
1877
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
644
Who:
Core 3
Rgggh!
Listens:
367
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1081
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1025
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, safe travels, there.
Listens:
289
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Fixed.
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
Just go.
Listens:
2916
Who:
GLaDOS
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
1925
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1793
Who:
Core 2
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1027
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
I just hate Blue a little more.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
647
Who:
Core 1
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
three
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
510
Who:
Core 1
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
548
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
221
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
1794
Who:
Defective Turret
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
204
Who:
Wheatley
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
Listens:
197
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
206
Who:
Wheatley
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 2
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
914
Who:
Wheatley
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
3034
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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