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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1055
Who:
Wheatley
Be careful!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1484
Who:
Cave Johnson
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
925
Who:
Announcer
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1018
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
815
Who:
GLaDOS
Always cold.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1294
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1502
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
586422
Who:
Core 1
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1266
Who:
Wheatley
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4041
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Earth.
Listens:
1733
Who:
Core 1
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3728
Who:
GLaDOS
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
893
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2442
Who:
Core 3
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
125810
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1101
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
519
Who:
Defective Turret
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
879
Who:
Wheatley
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3974
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1374
Who:
Wheatley
[humming]
Listens:
1836
Who:
Core 1
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
1005
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1149
Who:
Announcer
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
739
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 3
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Core 3
Progress report: Still pretty tricky!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
This door's actually pretty complicated.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
573
Who:
Defective Turret
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Core 3
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Wheatley
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4515
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
55370
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4493
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
713
Who:
Core 2
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
882
Who:
Wheatley
Just turn around.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1332
Who:
GLaDOS
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
213873
Who:
Core 1
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4486
Who:
Core 3
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
27039
Who:
Caroline
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4189
Who:
Defective Turret
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1292
Who:
Core 3
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1303
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2517
Who:
Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1338
Who:
Announcer
SPAAACE!
Listens:
51617
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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