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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4965
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm in space.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Core 1
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
716
Who:
Turret
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
964
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
757
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
1045
Who:
Core 3
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
22297
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sollllve it...
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1051
Who:
Core 1
Go on.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3344
Who:
Cave Johnson
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1910
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
475
Who:
Core 2
I was confident you could finish.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20867
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
86880
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5377
Who:
GLaDOS
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4469
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
20949
Who:
Core 1
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1474
Who:
Wheatley
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4156
Who:
GLaDOS
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
391
Who:
Wheatley
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1060
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1359
Who:
GLaDOS
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
28892
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are! I was starting to get worried.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Announcer
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4878
Who:
Wheatley
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 3
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2518
Who:
Announcer
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1576
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
2966
Who:
Turret
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1885
Who:
Core 1
You're better than that.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
1050
Who:
GLaDOS
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Defective Turret
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4971
Who:
GLaDOS
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
478
Who:
Defective Turret
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Do not do it!
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Agh!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1410
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Cave Johnson
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1501
Who:
Announcer
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Arsonist.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, it hasn't done it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Just get it off me...
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
29939
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
21246
Who:
Turret
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11243
Who:
GLaDOS
Core transfer?
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Wow.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1375
Who:
Core 3
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
929
Who:
Announcer
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
683
Who:
Core 1
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
4256
Who:
Turret
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